Someone tell me I'm a dumbass, please!

[JellyBeans]

Hi newbie here seeking some help. I'll try to make it short.

I have been in a long-distance relationship for 1 and half yr or so when i first started to know this guy, J, at work. J and I got closer gradually over the next 4 months or so. It started out as just innocent hassling at work. We then had to work together on something so I got his cell phone number so we can coordinate the thing. Then we started texting every so often, to texting everyday and talking on the cell most days. We also started seeing each other outside of work, with other workmates at first but then we also started seeing only each other, eg: movies, mini-golfing, mall. I realised that i have started to look forward to talking with J then with my man but i still managed to convince myself nothing is going on. By this stage, things have been really bad between me and my man. We haven't been connecting for a few months and the most physical affection we had would be a quick peck on the lips.

Anyway last friday, we decided that we will watch a dvd together at my place after work. Went and got some dvds and went back to my place. Long story short, we ended up cuddling and then he spent the night in my bed (nothing happened then). But then he came back the next night to hang out and then stuff happened.

So I finally faced up to the fact that the relationship with my man was over a long time ago so I broke up with him. I didn't break up with him because i want to get with J asap. I had to because i have stopped loving him ages ago and also i cheated on him. There is no excuse for that.

Then me and J also had a talk. He said boys and girls deal with sex differently so he is a bit concerned for me. He said he really likes me or to quote him, he is crazy about me, but he is confused and hesitant about the situation. Basically, I'm 4 years older than him, we work together and I'm asian. He is white and has never had an asian girlfriend so doesn't quite know how the culture thing will work. So we have stopped the physical thing and are trying to go back to being friends. He texted me today to say that he doesnt want me to be hurt or he would be over at my place tonight. He also said he doesn't know if this is what he wants, ie not being together romantically.

Sigh, he is my best friend and when we are together, everything is so perfect. We fight a lot cos we are both quite feisty but it's still so great. Someone tell me he will only ever be a friend and that I should get over it now.

[bluesummer]

Sounds like a confused guy. First off, I'd like to say the whole 'cultural' thing is a bunch of bs....it's actually a concern for him to have an asian gf?? What is up with that? But I should say too, that sometimes good friends of the opposite sex should stay just that - good friends. Know when to cross that boundary and when not to. It's tough to know what's really going through his head, but I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for him to want a serious relationship with you.

[fear_21]

i hate cheating women, they all should be shoot

[fear_21]

as men to..

[Junsui]

Yeah, I don't get why you being asian and him being white would be a problem. I agree with Blue, I wouldn't wait around. Did he know you were in another relationship when you two messed around? And if he did know, did you tell him when you ended it? Either he's confused or giving you excuses because he just wanted to fool around with you without getting too involved.

[TAVS]

This is too easy

Dumbass

[Lloyd95]

This is too easy

Dumbass

What he said.^

[Tone]

You got played.

[Rosebud]

hahaha, I read this thread looking to see who posted with the title!!!! LOL

[TAVS]

I wish they'd come back so I could call them a dumbass again

[mhussain]

you cheated on someone and you expect fidelity from this guy?

[Only-virgins]

Your a dumbass.