Ladies I need your help

[carlton99]

My girlfriend of three years dumped me out of the blue 12 days ago. I love her dearly, have emailed, sent a letter and been round, all to no avail. I'm trying the no contact rule, have thought long and hard about the things she said about (which in my head are minor).
She said it's been simmering away for about a year and things I say are starting irritate her. I never thought there was a problem as everybody says we are great, she said she's lucky to have me, can't imagine life without me etc etc I think she is going through the start of the menopause as all the symptons are there. When she announced the split it was as if she wasn't saying it. She's so into me I can't believe it's happened.
She's done the usual; changed FB pic, removed me and my friends and family from FB and the bad news for me is that she's never given any of her ex's a second chance (hence why she's never been married at nearly 50). We found each other and never argue or row - our relationship (in my opinion) is perfect. Only the other week she was telling people about a lovely, romantic weekend we had shared. We hold hands, have a good sex life, are caring towards each other.
I don't want to hear it's dead for good, I can't think about moving on and not interested in dating any other women.

[GLYC]

Dumped out of the blue? Doesn't sound like it, note that she said she hasn't been feeling it for about a year. There were probably subtle hints being passed that you didn't pick up on.

"I love her dearly, have emailed, sent a letter and been round, all to no avail"
Begging and pleading never works. You just reinforce that they made the right decision. The proper message is a former of, "I don't want things to end, but if that's what you decided, I guess it is what it is. Please let me know if you ever change your mind, I'd love to try things again" etc. AND THATS IT. Walk away.


Possibly you were just too much, maybe too much of a nice guy. Too accomodating, pleaser, etc. It can be cute to women at first but it does get old. Which could be why she felt irritated. That's a speculation though, I can't base all of that off what you said because not much was shared. And it sounds like you don't entirely understand it.

"I'm trying the no contact rule"
No. The no contact rule isn't a strategy or technique to simply get someone back. With that mentality, you're wrong. While it is the best way to have someone come back, it's about giving them the space to mutually choose you, which may mean that you never speak to them again.

"she's never given any of her ex's a second chance (hence why she's never been married at nearly 50)"

Ehhh.. probably not that.

[DalM0m]

I agree. This wasn't out of the blue. It was stewing for a WHOLE YEAR, you just missed it. Finally she threw in the towel. Even now, you are trivializing the stuff that made her end things. She told you why & you concluded that they were minor. Sorry but they were major enough to cause her to end the relationship. You gotta figure out where your disconnect is. Take a long hard look at her stated grievances. Are you willing to change all or at least most of them? If yes, send her apology flowers telling her that & beg her to go to relationship counseling with you.

[bunnyhabit]

with your attitude and beliefs i think she is history to you. most chicks don't return to ex they dump. my guess is her timing is due a new guy grabbing on to her heart. chicks don't dump guys they care for.

[smackie09]

Your first clue is, she's never married, your second clue is, she never returned to any of her exes.

It seems after the honeymoon phase her feelings start to dissipate. She stuck it out due to the fact you are a great guy and things were great....and it sounds to me she tried real hard to make it work, convincing herself this is what she wants.

BUT: She couldn't deny it any longer, she fall out of love. This has nothing to do with menopause. I'm going through it, and I have no desire to leave my husband and chase after other men. I don't know of anyone personally that went through a mid life crisis due to menopause.

I know you are trying to find a reason/answer, because it was so sudden without warning. You are just going to come to terms, she may never come back. There isn't anything you can do to make her change her mind, this is on her to do it. If it was meant to be she will, but right now you got to get yourself on the path of healing. Grieve your loss, take time to do nice things, go on a trip, meditate/do yoga, sign up for a gym membership...keep busy.

[pcmaster]

2-3 years that's how long usually love lasts. Guess she fell out of love cause yeah - like Smackie said, the honeymoon period was over. She constantly needs to be in love or she cant work it out - relationships just don't work without being in love for her. That's often how it is with religion - 2-3 years are euphoria and then even most religious people can fall in depression.

I think you should have seen couples therapist while you both was together after second year. You didn't noticed or ignored signs and now it is too late to go to the therapist together. You can go to therapist alone just to have someone to talk with and help you move on.

Yes, you're fairly quite tough
Always having bad luck
You think you're going crazy
Look up, there's a new life waiting

Your head's buried in the sand
You're being dealt the wrong hand
Can't imagine how you feel
Only you know that it's real

Don't look back
Just carry on
Carry on
Carry on

'Cause you are stronger
Yes, you are stronger