Can't Move On

[MsLondonB]

Hello fellow love forum members. Hoping you can help me with a situation I can't seem to move on from.

Met a guy on line last year, from another country. We clicked immediately, I mean like immediately. I've been with many guys before him, long and short term relationships, on line chatting, but never felt that type of connection before.

It started light and continued that way more or less, note he never pushed sexting or anything like that but did tell me he felt a connection with me and asked if I felt same. I said I did without elaborating.

We were both dating others in real life, but never talked about it with each other, we just knew we were which was fine, we were just chatting.

But there was definitly something there. We stopped chatting eventually as it was just an impossible situation, he literally lived on the other side of the world in Australia, me the U.S.

Two months later he reached out and opened up about his feelings. I was on the fence I didn't know if I trusted it all the way. But we ended up chatting again and getting closer.

He then disappears. I did too so can't blame him totally and then I just shut down. So much I wanted to say but couldn't. Anxiety, fear you name it but I just couldn't. He reached out again but I was still shut down and waited two weeks to respond and when I did, my txt was indifferent, cold. I wanted it to be over.

Months later I felt I had moved on from it and thought we could be friends so texted a few times, he has ignored all of them. He may have blocked me not sure but the problem now is I still think about him, that "what if I had reacted differently" feeling if things could have worked out.

Has anyone else experienced this or anything like this? I know I am idealizing him in my head but how to move on without meeting him in person to see if we click in person?

I am thinking of flying to Australia just to see and if we don't click in person, finally getting some closure, what do you think?
Good idea, bad idea? I need to move on!

[CantMoveOn]

Enjoy my screenname inspired your title

[Hooo!]

Then do.
If you wanted to move on there is none stopping you

[GLYC]

Personally, I'd pass on the idea. The reality, in part. You were penpals you never even went on a date based on what it sounds like? People can act very differently in person based in comparison to how they act online. A person can pause, wait to react, whereas in person, it's instaneous. I feel like it's harder to judge chemistry based on online messaging.

There's been women where I've had great messaging with, and in person the chemistry or attraction just wasn't all there. And surprisngly, ive also had the opppsite, mediocre attraction from looking at an online photo, maybe some decent exchanges, but in person it was sparks. Although that's a bit rarer.

However, do as you wish. If you want to try something with him, make it clear. I'd possibly just apologize, and/or just be upfront about things. "I was in a bad headspace during this time, etc. Etc., I'd really love to continue getting to know you, possibly we could meet up sometime, etc."

[MsLondonB]

Personally, I'd pass on the idea. The reality, in part. You were penpals you never even went on a date based on what it sounds like? People can act very differently in person based in comparison to how they act online. A person can pause, wait to react, whereas in person, it's instaneous. I feel like it's harder to judge chemistry based on online messaging.

There's been women where I've had great messaging with, and in person the chemistry or attraction just wasn't all there. And surprisngly, ive also had the opppsite, mediocre attraction from looking at an online photo, maybe some decent exchanges, but in person it was sparks. Although that's a bit rarer.

However, do as you wish. If you want to try something with him, make it clear. I'd possibly just apologize, and/or just be upfront about things. "I was in a bad headspace during this time, etc. Etc., I'd really love to continue getting to know you, possibly we could meet up sometime, etc."

That's why I want to go, to see if there is something there in person.
If not, that's OK, I can then put him out of my head and put this whole thing to rest.

I'm not gong to apologize I did nothing wrong. We both stopped communicating, I have sent a few texts since then which he has ignored.

Don't know if this makes sense but it's the not knowing, the idealization that is holding me back. Got him on a pedestal based on my idea of him, which is a fantasy. I know this but it doesn't help, I need reality, whether it works out or not.

Thnx for your advice.

[GLYC]

You're welcome.

The thing is he's been ignoring your texts. So there's really nothing for you to do at this point. I wouldn't message him again unless he messages you. You'll possibly just feel worse if you message him more and he doesn't respond again.

Initially you ignored his message, so he probably or possibly felt hurt, and in turn, he possibly ignored your message as a response. People will mirror your actions.

I'd just forget about him at this point.

His loss, find someone else, if he reaches out at one point in the future, bring up the topic possibly of seeing each other, or skyping. Until then, act as if it's over forever.

[MsLondonB]

Hard to hear but you're right. If he cared he would respond back, so whatever I'm feeling is in my own head only. I feel better for posting this, and also needed to hear that I should forget about it. I haven't told anyone about it, not even good friends, so talking about it, just to get it out there helped. Tnx again!

[GLYC]

Hard to hear but you're right. If he cared he would respond back, so whatever I'm feeling is in my own head only. I feel better for posting this, and also needed to hear that I should forget about it. I haven't told anyone about it, not even good friends, so talking about it, just to get it out there helped. Tnx again!

Yeah, it's hard to hear it sometimes.
I think the difficulty is that a person feels it's a missed opportunity, like, "if I could have just seen her once more", however, it's terrible to think in the "what if" phase.

It's best to just stay optimistic towards the future and to yes, learn from the past, but not to dwell or continue to fret over it.