Firstly, Hello Everyone

I have been having lots of questions about a problem I have for nearly 3 years and now I am going mad so I am seeking any advice I can have. Firstly let me explain my situation 3 years ago I was assigned as a commander to a foreign special forces unit, I am still in the private military contractors.My job is to train this special forces unit and we receive onsite jobs from various countries and execute them. My goal for this entire situation was a hope of building a future for my friends family.Now I am leading my own unit and created my own company and generate enough income to last myself for a lifetime including my friends.Now to the girl mattter, I met a girl through friend although she had bad relationship with her boyfriend we were sudenly attracted to each other.Then one night I suddenly to be open with myself and her so I came forth and the result was amazing and destine like.She returned my feeling soon she broke up with the boyfriend and we started dating and I have never loved anyone In my life before like this.However when I started this line of work I was very weak compared to now.I didnt know a lot of things with military and personal areas.Then a time came I had some problems with work and I knew they would hurt her to get to me so, I told her I didnbt love her and broke up, by doing so I literally saved her and my life.I always wanted to undo it but I knew I had to train like hell till the day I would able to get her an amazing future as well as having my unit get better so we could withstand anthing so this would never happen. Now I am the highest ranking officer, and my unit is in a different league compared to the years as well perrsonally.Now I know me alone would be enough to protect her.But now I also have the power the give her a future she deserves.But my betrayal cost her trust so she betrayed her friends too.I know as a human what I did was unacceptable and to me I will never forgive myself but as a pro I know it was the right call to make sure she lives.Now I wanna get back to her and I am lost.By the way my specific title is being in charge of war strategies and analysis as well as combat. So anallysis I see success rate at 0.2 eprcent so I just wondered emotionally what do you guys simply think what do you suggest? I am also truly sorry to bug everyone with my issues.Thank you even if no one responds.