How do I get him back (long distance)?

[lostbecca]

Hello,

I am currently looking for what steps I need to take. I was dating him for about 4 months. We live in completely different countries (USA, California and England). We're both still quite young and most people tells me that it wasn't real and it is not worth it because of this. This is also due to the fact that we never had the opportunity to meet up in person (we already had plans to meet up after school season ends which is in one month). But I know in my heart we have a connection that is hard to find. We had an image of what our future would be, meeting up over breaks. We spent every possible minute we can talking to each other and was great at communicating. He broke up with me because he told me it became too hard for him too handle. Furthermore, since the place he lives at is very remote, he has internet friends and had decided to break contacts with them as well. He said that he felt like he was living two separate lives and he felt that he needed to cut off contacts, which included me. Recently, he has been put into a large amount of* pressure from work, school, and family, I feel that maybe he was too overcome with stress when he made the decision and that there is still a chance for me to get him back. However, I do not know how to. I am very confused at the moment. He told me he would delete all of his social media after breaking up with me, which he proceeded to do like he said. However, the two days after he put them back up again. All images of me posted on his social media are still up and he still remains on following me. What does this mean? Does it mean he is also scared to break off contacts with me and he is waiting for me to contact him? I manage to not act based on grief and spam him with calls and messages, but I know we still love each other and I am looking for a way to make it successful.*



PS: I was thinking about sending him a letter because there were a lot of things that were unsaid due to the fact I was too overcome with grief when he broke up with me. I am hoping that it will touch his heart. Is it a bad idea?

[smackie09]

You have to pack your life up and move to where he is. That is your only answer.

He wants more than a computer screen and romantic letters. He needs physical interaction, holding, kissing, and sex.

[lostbecca]

You have to pack your life up and move to where he is. That is your only answer.

He wants more than a computer screen and romantic letters. He needs physical interaction, holding, kissing, and sex.

That is impossible, since we are both still young (18 and 19). I'm determined to make long distance work. Is is possible?

[Minikimini]

That is impossible, since we are both still young (18 and 19).

It's possible--it's that you're not prepared to put your money where your mouth is.

You can go there and stay for up to 6 months on your visa. Instead of paying for college this semester, spend it on going to the UK and figure out if you and he are compatible. If you are, then you'll have practical, face to face time which relationships need to survive.

I'm determined to make long distance work. Is is possible?

Anything is possible. "Is it probable?" is the question.

You can try and make it work, but you cannot overcome basic human nature... and eventually, one of the two of you--and it sounds like it'll be him--is going to start detaching because he's going to want someone who is local and accessible and you just aren't--no matter how much he likes you, there's a 6 hour cross continent flight then a 7 1/2 trans Atlantic flight, plus another hour and a half over England (barring any travel snafus) before you can be there.

A phone call/facetime/texting interaction is not a relationship.

[lostbecca]

I am willing to go there for a long period of time. I will. I have the money and over the summer, I have the time and so does he. My current problem is establish contact again after the break. I am lost and don’t know where to go from here. It has been a week since it happened and we haven’t as much as spoke except for constantly checking up on each other via social media stalking. Today he unfollowed me on Snapchat and I’m afraid that he’s already beggining to forget about me. I know for some guys, the realization don’t hit until much time later. Should I wait to contact him or do it soon? I want to make this work.

[Minikimini]

Yes. Let him contact you, but don't wait on him to do anything.

If he's cutting you out of his sphere of communication, then that means he no longer wishes to put in the time to keep your interaction going.

Time to look locally for romance. Your english guy doesn't want to do it.

[lostbecca]

Yes. Let him contact you, but don't wait on him to do anything.

If he's cutting you out of his sphere of communication, then that means he no longer wishes to put in the time to keep your interaction going.

Time to look locally for romance. Your english guy doesn't want to do it.

I know that he was so stressed out by the workload and our communication being cut less to what it already made it worse. It’s safe to say he wasn’t rational at that time because if only our long distance relationship was the problem then he’d have no reason to drop his friends as well. I just want opinion on whether or not this relationship has a fighting chance

[pcmaster]

Do what feels right. if you are not ready to let him go then don't. Meeting over the summer is a good idea. Like 2 weeks or more - why not? But LDR is hard and you will see why when you compare it with local relationships you had.

Anyway set a deadline - how long you are willing to continue without improvements and how often you want to meet with him for this to be worth it. You still are young and have time to waste. Perhaps when you older you won't see LDR as an option.

[smackie09]

Your solution? Tell him you are willing to go see him over the summer, then leave it. Let him think about it. If he bites at it, then buy your plane ticket, and make arrangements. If he doesn't you need to respect his wishes and let reality set in.