Why do I feel so empty??

[needlove]

I have been widowed for several years. During this time I have dated a few men. Of the men I’ve dated one in particular was in a serious relationship. He wanted to marry me but I broke up with him a few times because I found him to be untruthful regarding his finances and he was irresponsible when it came to his money as well. I reconciled with him on a few occasions only to find that he couldn’t really change to the point that I had peace of mind. However I still love him and miss him - and I know that he feels the same because although I try to block his number and his email and any other way for him to reach me recently he tried reaching out to me through a game app that we always played together. I have not yet responded and do not believe it is my best interest to respond because it seems that I will just find myself back in the same position.

I met a second man over year ago and he is very considerate and cares about me. However I’m having issues with him too. When we first met during the first year, he was extremely attentive and generous and wanted to see me every chance he could. But that has mostly disappeared over the last 6 months. We even talked about living together and then the conversation dropped on his end. I have NEVER met any of his friends and only met his immediate family once other than his adult children. I, on the other hand, have introduced him and included him in all family and friend events (at least 8 of them). I recognize this is a red flag. He even mentioned a family event next weekend but still didn't invite me even after I suggested I'd be willing to go the area of the event - REALLY??

I am ready to be not only in an exclusive relationship but at least live with the person and start building for the future. I am also lonely. My current BF and I only see each other 1 night over the weekend due to his work schedule and b/c of the distance between us.

Perhaps because I can see the end with this guy, I went online to just "look" and connected with someone who is also out of town but within 2 hours of my home. We have spoken several times and I do plan on meeting him in a week (keep it casual).

Does anyone have any practical advice for me which I would greatly appreciate.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, I'm not entirely sure what advice you are asking for here. It sounds like you have made your decision. And, based on what you've shared I'd frankly agree with your decision. If you've been with the guy for a year, yet only see each other basically once a week, that doesn't exactly make it seem like he is making you a priority. By this point, have you two officially had the exclusivity talk? Have you officially deemed yourselves boyfriend and girlfriend? I don't know if a year is necessarily long enough to expect to move in together (not that it is too short to try it, but I just mean it may be too short to expect it should just be a given).... but it sounds like he's already talked to you about that maybe being something you two do.

So, to go from talking about it to suddenly just ignoring it like you've never even had the discussion really isn't a great sign either. I mean, I guess the only thing I would personally say is you should maybe talk to him about all this before you just give up on him. Maybe he just takes things slower. Maybe if you two talk about it, he wouldn't mind taking things to the next level, but he just hadn't bothered because he was fine with where things were.

Honestly, I agree with you that it is weird if you two have been together a year and he's not introduced you to many friends/family. That MAY be a red flag... but again, it could just be he's taking things slower. On the surface, I supposed he hasn't done anything wrong necessarily. So, if/when you do talk to him about it I wouldn't suggest you come at it as though he IS wrong. Just have a calm and constructive discussion as a way to let him know what you want from a relationship and to get an idea if you two seem to be on the same page. Both from a timeline perspective as well as just from what you are looking for in general.

I mean, given what you've shared I would personally make an educated guess that he's just not that interested and that you will ultimately be better off moving on. ...But you should at least try talking to him before you just give up. I could be wrong about that, you could be wrong in your assumptions. If you talk to him, even if we both do turn out to be right... at least you will know for sure. Rather than just assuming.

Good luck to you.

[Hooo!]

What do you want?

[smackie09]

Relationships just run out of steam, and when they do just run. Your gut instinct should never be ignored. You invested too heavily waiting for them to change. Time to stick with your expectations...if they are not met, move on quickly...no compromise.

[sarahanry]

just trust