will he ever decide??

[violete]

Hello.

I have a relationship problem and I would like to hear opinions on this matter. I will try and make our story short

I am almost 31 years old, my boyfriend is 40 and have been together almost 2years. Before he started dating me, he came out of 9 years relationship (6 months before). When we started, it was friendly, he said he didn't want to get too involved, but things got serious, after 6 months, he moved in with me and it was great.

He doesn't have kids, was never married. Reason, because he couldn't decide to make this move and because he is indecisive in all life aspects. He's been buying a house for 2 years, but can't decide and buy one, for example.. No house is good enough.
He wants to have family, wants to get married.. but gets nervous because he will loose freedom (how he sees it) and because maybe he will one day realize he made a mistake and chose the wrong woman.
We never make any life plans, so lately I am getting impatient because I am type of person who needs plans and in this relationship there aren't any.. like, we never talk that we will get married, will have kids.. He says it sometimes, but then changes subject, there is no timeline when things will or will not progress.. I asked him a few day ago what is he thinking about that and he said that he is very confused and one day thinking it would be nice to have family with me the next day he is thinking what if we are not meant to be.

I know I can't force someone to want a life with me. And when. But with him, I am not sure if am waiting on something (children, marriage) that will never happen, because he will always get scared.. It is not a problem to wait for a few years, but maybe I am waiting in vain..
Will he ever decide? Everyone around me are saying I will have to decide for him, but I can only decide to leave..... Should I?

What do you think? Has anyone had similar story?

Thank you for replies

[Hooo!]

He is 40 years old and has not learned to decide
It is not impossible to change
But it is highly unlikely if you look at his past and present

I would guess that his felt freedom means more to him than being „caged“ with someone, even if he loves them

But that’s just my personal opinion

My advice would be to discuss this openly with him and to be clear how and when you will act on a „no“ answer

[violete]

Thank you for reply..
With him it is never answer no, it is answer I don't know.

Do you want to be with me, do you see future with me? I don't know. The answer is he doesn't know what the future will bring and that all options are open. But he is not taking any active steps in any way. He says he wants familiy, what would he be doing if he didn't want one, you know what I mean? A person who wants something doesn't act like that!

But I don't know if it will just take him some more time, or time won't change anything because he is the way he is...

[Hooo!]

Time does not change people
Events do