Broken up one year, is there a way back?

[mistermagoo]

Hi Ladies, I would really, really, did I say really, appreciate your advice on this one.

I went out with a magnificent young lady for a year or so, and, about one year ago from today we broke up. At times it was magical but life took its toll and we faded away, just stopped texting and phoning eachother. Well, to be exact I felt she wasn't making much effort anymore so I stopped trying. A month later she phoned in tears saying her marriage breakdown was just hitting her and lots of other things affecting her, and we met up and did some trips and things together over a week or so. She wasn't really reciprocating any hugs and kisses, and then just texted saying she just didn't feel attracted anymore and felt I didn't respect her and a few other things, and then deleted me and that was that. I have nothing but respect for her and love her very much. I did make some silly mistakes that may have mixed her thoughts up a bit, for example she told me a guy at work was crazy about her and I said why don't you give the guy a chance he might be the man of your dreams - I was trying to play it cool... but I believe she did then try with him instead. I'm an idiot.
I actually moved country then and couldn't take it so moved back 4 months ago and got a job within an hours drive of her. I haven't contacted her. I don't know if i should. I don't know how to play it. I honestly believe I was going through a bad time and so was she when we broke up, I think those things affected us but now it can be different and we could start from scratch again which would be a lot of fun. Maybe she doesn't feel the same way or maybe she does. I'm a 38 year old man and she is 12 years my junior with a child and a broken marriage. But those things don't faze me, I'm a nice person and don't care about these things.
I think the only way back into her heart is by re-attracting her. I know to do that I need to win her respect again. But apart from standing outside her house waiting to 'bump' into her, my only option would be email. I was thinking of something innocent like a question about something professional like can you give me an opinion on X etc. to break the ice. I don't know. I'm lost. Should I make more of an effort to ensure the first meeting is a 'bumping into' her? Or would the email be enough. Any thoughts? Is it possible to re-attract her and win her respect again after all this time and with her having lost it for me?

[smackie09]

50/50 chance always a gamble. Get in touch and see.

You can't wave a magic wand to re-attract. It either there or it's not. I say you were in a rebound situation. She needed you to emotionally rescue her, because she was lonely in her troubled marriage. You just kept her afloat.

[mistermagoo]

50/50 chance always a gamble. Get in touch and see.

You can't wave a magic wand to re-attract. It either there or it's not. I say you were in a rebound situation. She needed you to emotionally rescue her, because she was lonely in her troubled marriage. You just kept her afloat.

Thanks a lot for the reply. No doubt it was a rebound. Sadly I don't think she was aware that is what it was. We used to hug a lot and I guess she just needed to feel loved. It's been over a year now since we split. Is it possible to ever have feelings for a rebound lover again once you end it? I'm in denial I think that we can ever re-ignite things. Maybe it's time to consult the nigerian chicken sacrificers

[Gina.G]

She was married when you dated? Red flag. No good relationship survives when you need to "emotionally rescue" another person. People need to be self-sufficient and happy on their own before entering a relationship, or it becomes a mess like this one. Move on.

[mistermagoo]

So it looks like I got closure. I worked up the courage to phone her. I had been preparing for a week or so. Got less than ten seconds on the phone. As soon as she heard my voice she started to say no no what do you want, just get lost or I'll do you for harassing me and then hung up. I feel like some sort of loser weirdo. I thought we split amiably enough and would always be friends. We hadn't spoken for over a year. Can't understand the animosity. Was she testing me. I'm confused, shocked and upset. Really thought we had a special bond. Feel terrible. How can someone act that way to another person, ex or no ex.

[smackie09]

Sounds to me she regrets ever getting involved with someone outside her marriage. She's had a year to reflect on her mistake, once those emotions are gone....clearer thinking. Like I said she needed emotional rescue, and you gave it to her.....it turns out it was a emotionally high tryst nothing more. It's obvious she's sticking to her marriage and never wants to look back.