Should I or shouldn't I

[BigSky]

A few years ago, I contacted the first woman I really loved. I learned she was living about 40 miles away from my home and I sent her a letter suggesting we meet for lunch one day. She responded, agreeing that it would be great to catch up. She suggested a well-known restaurant close to her home. We hadn’t seen each other in many, many years and it was wonderful to see her, but with all the noise from other customers, it was hard to carry on a conversation. We started dating in high school and our relationship continued for several years, but she was offered a great scholarship on the other side of the country. I was out of the country for a while and when I returned to our home state, she was far away, attending a great university. For the first time in several years, we didn’t communicate at least once a week and it was my fault. It wasn’t just the distance. I became very depressed at the time for reasons she didn’t know about. She still doesn’t know about the depression. When we met for lunch, she made several side comments that I heard well, but with all the noise and our general conversation of catching up, I didn’t respond to her comments at the time. After our lunch, I thought about her comments and realized I really hurt her years ago and I also realized that she would have given up her scholarship and returned home if I had just asked. It was a wonderful scholarship and I’m not sure I would have wanted her to give it up, but not communicating at all was very painful for her. She was very lonely and was really hoping I’d contact her.

I haven’t tried to talk to her since the day of our lunch a few years ago, but I feel like I owe her an explanation of why I didn’t contact her when I should have so many years ago. Her comments made it clear that she thought I was rejecting her or ending our relationship without discussing it with her. My depression was severe at the time and talking to anyone was very difficult. Talking to anyone was really hard and it took a long time for me to climb out of that dark hole of depression.
I feel like I should reach out to her and give her more information, but I’m not sure if it’s the best thing to do at this point. She finally married and had a son. He graduated from college and works in another state. I married as well. My marriage ended in divorce. I think she’s still married, but I don’t know for sure.

Should I contact her and try to let her know I’m sorry I hurt her and explain the circumstances, or should I forget it and let it go? For some reason, I’ve thought a lot about her lately and it bothers me that I hurt her, and she doesn’t know why I didn’t contact her when I should have.

[Cupid1985]

As a side note,

Do you feel that if you were to write everything in a letter and send it to her that it would be easier for you then doing it face to face, sometimes when we want to say things to people the words just dont come out. Whereas if you write a heartfelt letter you can think about what you want to say, you can say exactly what you want to say and put your feelings on paper for her.

Please keep me updated on your situation,

All the best,

Emma x

[smackie09]

. Even tho you don't want to interfere with her new life, something like this needs to be discreet. A written letter or an email may fall into the husband's hands and cause some grief in their relationship...she may never have had mentioned you in much detail. A phone call would be best.