Sorry, I originally posted this in the wrong forum (I had it in the dating forum). So if the mods want to delete, that's totally understandable! Anyway, here is what I wrote.
Hi all. This is my first post here! Feel free to tell me if I'm being a moron or not.
To give you a bit of background, I just turned 23 and my boyfriend is 24. We were friends for 2 years before we started dating, and have been in a relationship for 3.5 years and have lived together for about 3. He is REALLY great. He's smart, funny, cute, friendly, etc. My family loves him and I love his family! They're all really nice and fun to be around.
So if I feel this way, then why the heck do I want out?
I've had a boyfriend since I was 15. So, since 15 until now, I've only been single for about a total of 8 or 9 months. I feel like I haven't had a chance to be by myself or figure out what the heck I want to do with my life. I have a pretty good job doing what I want to do (graphic design), but I want to go back to college because I never finished. I want to really concentrate on myself for awhile because I have the lowest self-esteem ever and I feel like I really need to get myself together.
I know that I bring him down a lot. I gained a lot of weight this year after being on some medication. I don't like to go out anymore and I feel like I don't deserve to have him. We have been talking marriage lately and the thought of getting married TERRIFIES me. On the other hand, the thought of being single makes me so excited that I'm bouncing off the walls.
There are a couple of things that bother me about our relationship, though. Being intimate with him is like a chore. Not fun at all. It was never good either, not even in the beginning. Also, as you can probably tell, I have some depression problems and when I was at my lowest point...he didn't really comfort me at all. I felt so alone when all I wanted was to be held and listened to. He seemed more interested in other things, even when I told him how I felt.
I don't know what to do. Should I stay with him because he's such an awesome person?? I don't want to lose something really great. But most of all, I don't want to hurt him. The thought of hurting him rips me apart.
Another thing, I've had about 3 serious relationships and I get bored with EACH AND EVERY ONE. I have breaken up with all of my boyfriends. I don't get myself?? Is it normal to just get bored and want to move on? I frustrate myself and don't think I will ever be happy because I'm such a WISHY WASHY FREAK!!
Any advice at all?? I'm sorry for rambling. I just woke up but this has been plaguing me all night and I had to tell someone. Thanks for reading.