Friends with benefits

[independent]

Incidentally, it crossed to my mind to wonder: How many times in your life have you felt a connection to a man and NOT screwed him?

Ooh - good question.

And I assume you mean besides my father and my brother, and my sister's husband... correct?

Hmm.


I'll have to think on that one. Why did you want to know, anyway?

[whaywardj]

Well, we have discussed it. And this was the conclusion: we will be having sex with each other, exclusively (for now). Screwing other people equals the end of this affair.

Well, that's what he says. But, then: he's a known a liar, isn't he? And a good one, by your accounts. How do you know he's keeping up his end of the bargain?

[independent]

Well, that's what he says. But, then: he's a known a liar, isn't he? And a good one, by your accounts. How do you know he's keeping up his end of the bargain?

True, true... *sigh*

I guess I am waiting for that "iffy situation" to occur - where I no longer feel confident that I it is what we agreed it is. He's fishy when he lies, you know.

But then - you know, you're right. And in the beginning when we talked about having sex with each other... I said "we use condoms from here on out". He says "why?" and I reply "so you dont have to lie to me - and I dont have to believe you". He assures me he doesnt even want to date anyone else, much less sleep with anyone else... blah blah blah.

And I dropped it. Like a big dummy.

*sigh*

[whaywardj]

I'll have to think on that one. Why did you want to know, anyway?

I just find it curious you'd let sex, apparently, be the primary thing stopping you from letting go of an otherwise failed relationship. Something somewhat dark lurking there, I sense.

[independent]

I just find it curious you'd let sex, apparently, be the primary thing stopping you from letting go of an otherwise failed relationship. Something somewhat dark lurking there, I sense.

Any guesses as to what that might be?

I just like the way he smells. I like the way he feels. I like the way he makes ME feel - that he accepts me as I am, makes me feel attractive, comforts me.

Sometimes I miss that whole "being held" thing, so I'll have sex with him just so I can lay on his shoulder afterwards.

I'm crazy, arent I? LOL

[whaywardj]

True, true... *sigh*...and I reply "so you dont have to lie to me - and I dont have to believe you".

How does one go about having a love relationship with someone they can't bring themselves to trust completely?

[independent]

p.s. I only like all of those things when he doesnt talk.

[independent]

How does one go about having a love relationship with someone they can't bring themselves to trust completely?

I dont know. Good question. I dont even know if its about love at this point anyway.

I dont feel a whole lot of anything - except torn between whether I should be having sex with him or not. And being torn between whether its okay to share a table at lunch or not.

It's all just kind of weird at this point.

[whaywardj]

Any guesses as to what that might be?...I just like the way he smells. I like the way he feels. I like the way he makes ME feel - that he accepts me as I am, makes me feel attractive, comforts me...Sometimes I miss that whole "being held" thing, so I'll have sex with him just so I can lay on his shoulder afterwards...I'm crazy, arent I? LOL

Have I any guesses? Hm. Keep talking. Especially about having sex with him just so you can lay on his shoulder afterwards and be held.

"I just like...etc." All of which isn't anything which can't derived elsewhere.

Crazy? No. Just a little confused and disappointed, maybe, that your emotional life isn't as subject to your will as your material one. And frustrated over it seeming you can't have both a happy love relationship AND material security at the same time. That's an illusion, of course, you know.

[whaywardj]

p.s. I only like all of those things when he doesnt talk.

Well, goodness. So, as long as he doesn't talk, wears nice cologne, ****s you on command, and entertains you with a lunch or dinner now and then, he makes you feel good about yourself? You're terribly easy to please, it seems.

[independent]

I certainly dont have all the answers...

I'm confused. Unsure.

I didnt move him out because I didnt love him. I moved him out because I was hurt, and I felt it best for us not to live together under all of the circumstances.

So yes - I do care about him. And I do enjoy "being with him". As for the him not talking part... almost everything that comes out of his mouth reminds me of my heartache in one way or another.

I dont know what to do.

There is a familiarity there that is very very nice. That I am drawn to. There is also a lot of pain there that I'd rather put behind me.

And yeah, I get what you're saying about being able to get those things elsewhere... but who's to say I can trust Guy B or Guy C either? And who's to say they wont be jerks to me at some point to?

If all relationships have their ups and downs... why not just stick with the one you know? If all men are jerks in the end, why not just pick one and marry him and be done with it?

Is there any such thing as "true love" or "happily ever after"? And if not, why be so picky about it all?

That's called: becoming complacent. SETTLING. Selling yourself short. And all the other such sayings.

But point me to ONE couple that is truly happy - 100% - that have been together longer than 12 months. Just one.

Oh, you probably will - then I'll be stuck trying to fight the odds LOL


Right now, at this very moment in time, I'm okay. And for now... that's okay with me.

I need to have a talk with him. I need to say all of these things to him. I need to let him know how I really feel, and what's going through my head about what we're doing and where we're going.

I'm kinda waiting for the right time to do that. We havent "talked" (other than small talk) in quite some time. Time to break that barrier, much as I hate to, I know.

[whaywardj]

I hate this f*cking board!

I just spent 20 minutes composing what I thought was an important reply your post, and the damn server dumped me on sending it. It's gone.

[Sugarbabe72]

Well I have since found out that my ex is interested in someone else and is pursuing her. I found this out through a mutual friend. It really hurts because 2 nights ago, he told me he is not interested in anyone and Im the only one he thinks about etc etc.

I really cant tell you how devastated I am at the moment.

I dont wish this hurt on anyone.

[whaywardj]

Or so you've heard.

Certainly puts a damper on any optimistic feelings. But it doesn't alter anything you would be better off doing. Live your life. Remain open.

I wouldn't make any reference to the rumor you've heard.

[independent]

I'm sorry you're feeling down this morning, Sugar...

Keep your chin up!