Fell in love with someone I can't have

[Vedeus]

Hi guys, I'm sorry if it will sounds crazy but please respect it I just can't control my feelings..

Okey, for beginning I'm 17 y.o man. This weekend I was on family celebration and there was whole family like distant cousins.. All of them are old like 20 - 25 years old and they had girlfriends.. One of my cousins had girlfriend and has a child with her but they are not in love anymore, I mean they live seperated and they are not meeting.. They were together just on celebration.. So celebration goes well, by the time we all got little drunk and I was sitting next to her, but i was talking to my guys on the other side while she was talking to other side if u know what i mean, then she threw her hair behind me so she hitted with her hair my face so we started laughing and talking together.. she was so nice laughing on jokes.. we were talking about life as well and I think I fell in love with her..
I know It's weird.. I have 17 and she 21, she has a child with my cousin and she is single.. guys i don't know.. I just feel love for her.. Can you help me someone?? I'm really getting depressed when I'm thinking about her. Someone says "there are so many womans" but this phrase never helps because I'm in love and when you in love, you want that specific person..

Please help me out.

Peace

[Hooo!]

I don't see the problem

Sorry

[smackie09]

Awww you have a crush. They are so painful to the heart. It's seems like a desperate situation for sure. It's so not fair, but life isn't always fair. You will learn that this will happen over your life, BUT it doesn't last forever. maybe next month or next year you will be fond of someone else. Hard to believe but it's true.

[Vedeus]

I don't see the problem

Sorry

Problem is here.. I'm only 17, she is 21 and she has a child.. I'm definitely not secured for life, I'm building my football career.. You know.. It's my cousins son .. I fell in love with her.. that is problem.. I'm imagining being with her but then reality kick in and that's it.. I'm sad

- - - Updated - - -

Awww you have a crush. They are so painful to the heart. It's seems like a desperate situation for sure. It's so not fair, but life isn't always fair. You will learn that this will happen over your life, BUT it doesn't last forever. maybe next month or next year you will be fond of someone else. Hard to believe but it's true.

That's true.. it just hurts right now.. that feeling in my stomach when she comes to my mind and memory of that celebration when I was talking to her.. damn

[smackie09]

It just means you can love and care for someone unconditionally...that's a good quality to have. I bet she knows you are quite smitten with her.

[Vedeus]

It just means you can love and care for someone unconditionally...that's a good quality to have. I bet she knows you are quite smitten with her.

I don't think that she knows that. This is all stupid.. I can't control my feelings properly so I always get in this situation. I don't know why but I always choose women that I can't have..

[jay2665]

I suggest you can try first~ As you are just 17, loving her or not is hardly defined too early in your age. Just try with her and have a relationship to experience love. The kid and her relationship with your cousin are past issue, dont let it bother your progress. If you really want to get her, why need to concern your cousin. But indeed i guess you will not really love her when time goes on. The present isnt equal to the future. You will find your love when you grow up as an adult. So now dating that girl is not a problem or a taboo because you will have another love in a not far future.

[Hooo!]

I still fail to see the problem

You just come up with reasons for her not to be with you

Thankfully that is completely pointless because it's up to her wether she wants to be with you or not.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, I think the first thing I would share with you is that you are not "in love." You have a crush. Don't get me wrong. I'm NOT at all meaning to belittle your feelings. I know from experience how amazing it can feel to have a crush on somebody, and how it can feel like you are in love. But, truth is you can't be in love with somebody until you've actually begun dating them. Otherwise it is just infatuation and/or a crush. You can't truly know somebody until you've actually gotten to know them a little better, and you can't truly love somebody (in the romantic sense, anyway) until you really know them.

Again, don't misunderstand me. I'm not meaning to belittle your feelings or imply that you don't understand love. Cripes, I think most of us spend the majority of our lives still trying to figure all that out. LOL! I just tell you this as somebody who knows from experience that it can be a HUGE help when you learn to better understand your feelings. It isn't easy, but it is a skill you can develop over the years. Because, truth is, a crush can feel AMAZING! You should be able to enjoy those feelings. You just don't want to let yourself fall too deeply into it for any one person unless and until you are actually in a relationship.

Especially at your young age. There could be so many women who could possibly turn out to be a great match for you. So, don't limit yourself by getting too hooked on any one crush, especially if you feel there are circumstances that may make it not work.

....Now, all that said....

There is not necessarily anything saying this DEFINITELY couldn't work. Sure, there are factors. She was with your cousin. She has a child (which maybe you are not ready for that if you two happened to get serious). That child happens to be with your cousin. So, those are a few checks in the con column. But, how close are you with your cousin? Just because she was with your cousin, even has a child with your cousin, that doesn't AUTOMATICALLY mean she's off limits. If you are super close to your cousin like you are practically siblings... yeah, then that might be awkward. On the other hand, if you barely even know your cousin and pretty much only see each other at family stuff, that MIGHT be a different story. I have cousins I pretty much NEVER see, so if some gal was their ex it might not make any difference to me.

Anyway, that was a lot of blah blah blah that I probably could sum up with just this:

Why not give it a try? I mean, if you decide the factors against it are too many/too big, then maybe you just forget about her and you'll see that in time you'll find somebody else. But, if you honestly don't think the factors against it are SO big a deal, why not just ask her out? Maybe she'll say no, but at least then you'd know and can move on. But, maybe she'll say yes.

Best of luck to you either way.

[Vedeus]

I suggest you can try first~ As you are just 17, loving her or not is hardly defined too early in your age. Just try with her and have a relationship to experience love. The kid and her relationship with your cousin are past issue, dont let it bother your progress. If you really want to get her, why need to concern your cousin. But indeed i guess you will not really love her when time goes on. The present isnt equal to the future. You will find your love when you grow up as an adult. So now dating that girl is not a problem or a taboo because you will have another love in a not far future.

You right, I should at least try and if she won't go out with me or what, I will be able to move on

- - - Updated - - -

Well, I think the first thing I would share with you is that you are not "in love." You have a crush. Don't get me wrong. I'm NOT at all meaning to belittle your feelings. I know from experience how amazing it can feel to have a crush on somebody, and how it can feel like you are in love. But, truth is you can't be in love with somebody until you've actually begun dating them. Otherwise it is just infatuation and/or a crush. You can't truly know somebody until you've actually gotten to know them a little better, and you can't truly love somebody (in the romantic sense, anyway) until you really know them.

Again, don't misunderstand me. I'm not meaning to belittle your feelings or imply that you don't understand love. Cripes, I think most of us spend the majority of our lives still trying to figure all that out. LOL! I just tell you this as somebody who knows from experience that it can be a HUGE help when you learn to better understand your feelings. It isn't easy, but it is a skill you can develop over the years. Because, truth is, a crush can feel AMAZING! You should be able to enjoy those feelings. You just don't want to let yourself fall too deeply into it for any one person unless and until you are actually in a relationship.

Especially at your young age. There could be so many women who could possibly turn out to be a great match for you. So, don't limit yourself by getting too hooked on any one crush, especially if you feel there are circumstances that may make it not work.

....Now, all that said....

There is not necessarily anything saying this DEFINITELY couldn't work. Sure, there are factors. She was with your cousin. She has a child (which maybe you are not ready for that if you two happened to get serious). That child happens to be with your cousin. So, those are a few checks in the con column. But, how close are you with your cousin? Just because she was with your cousin, even has a child with your cousin, that doesn't AUTOMATICALLY mean she's off limits. If you are super close to your cousin like you are practically siblings... yeah, then that might be awkward. On the other hand, if you barely even know your cousin and pretty much only see each other at family stuff, that MIGHT be a different story. I have cousins I pretty much NEVER see, so if some gal was their ex it might not make any difference to me.

Anyway, that was a lot of blah blah blah that I probably could sum up with just this:

Why not give it a try? I mean, if you decide the factors against it are too many/too big, then maybe you just forget about her and you'll see that in time you'll find somebody else. But, if you honestly don't think the factors against it are SO big a deal, why not just ask her out? Maybe she'll say no, but at least then you'd know and can move on. But, maybe she'll say yes.

Best of luck to you either way.

Yes, I guess it's crush because I don't really know her in details so I can't really love her like romantic.. But u know I was having really fun on that celebration we were drinking till the morning an I started to see her as my future girlfriend.. Anyways it will be impossible to go for her because we are with cousins very close family.. we are meeting often. If I wouldn't meet them often, as you said it would be okey to go with her but right now it can't be done.. Will see after week, maybe my feelings for her will go away Thank you all for advices you guys very nice

[TheEvilJester]

Yes, I guess it's crush because I don't really know her in details so I can't really love her like romantic.. But u know I was having really fun on that celebration we were drinking till the morning an I started to see her as my future girlfriend.. Anyways it will be impossible to go for her because we are with cousins very close family.. we are meeting often. If I wouldn't meet them often, as you said it would be okey to go with her but right now it can't be done.. Will see after week, maybe my feelings for her will go away Thank you all for advices you guys very nice

Again, it isn't like I mean to dismiss your feelings. I only tell you that it is a crush, not love, because that is something it is often hard to realize at first. If you let yourself get too carried away without realizing that, that can turn out to be a dangerous thing. Because, what happens if you get up the nerve to ask your crush out and she says no? Or what happens if you two do start going out.... but the person you imagined her being in your head turns out not to be who she is at all... and NOT in a good way? Or about a million other possible things.

Believe me, I think we've all been there. Especially at such a young age. There's nothing wrong with having a crush. That can feel amazing! There's even nothing wrong with being in love with the idea of who you think and hope the person may be if/when you are able to get to know them. ...It's just the important trick to learn is to also realize that they are just a human being too. That they aren't some amazing, magical creature who is going to be perfect and flawless and all that. When you have a crush on somebody, you're sort of in love with the idea of who you think they may be. For it to possibly become actual love, you have to learn who they really are.

I myself have been a hopeless romantic my whole life. So, this is a balance I've had to learn with years of practice. To be able to have a crush and enjoy it.... but at the same time have the ability to engage my intellectual side enough to realize that the object of my crush could very well turn out to be nothing like what I imagine in my head. That unless I truly get to know them, I'm in love with an idea, not with the actual person.

Anyway, more so back to the point... None of us can tell you what to do, we can only offer our thoughts and advice. In the end, you just need to weight the pros and cons and decide if you think it is worth a shot. Generally speaking, when you have a crush on somebody, I almost always suggest it is so much better to try than to just give up. It is so much better knowing then to leave yourself always wondering what if. MAYBE this might be a case where the cons outweigh the pros too much and it just isn't worth trying. We can't really know that. Again, it being your cousin's ex could maybe be a deal-breaker, but it isn't necessarily a definite one. That's really more up to you/what you think feels right.

Best of luck to you either way. I hope you get the chance to ask her out if that is what you decide. If not, though, there will be other women who will catch your attention, and eventually with somebody who will return the feelings. Believe me, I 100% understand how it can feel when you have a crush. How you can feel like this person is so perfect for you and nobody else will ever be again.... but you will see in your time that there are plenty of women who could possibly be "the one." That isn't meant to belittle how amazing it is when you find "the one," it's just that there isn't only one ever possible "the one" for every person even despite what that title would suggest. There could be many who could turn out to be "the one," it is just a matter or circumstance.

[smackie09]

What we can't have is the most desirable.....it's human nature, so it's not just you, it happens to all of us.