One month since Breakup, 6 Days NC, Still hurting :(

[Lion-Guy]

Ok so it has been a month now since my ex told me she wanted a break, i.e. breakup after 3 years. She no longer wanted a serious relationship with me.

We haven't really talked much. She would instant message me and ask how things are going. I told her I was still interested in working things out but understand that she wanted space. Last week she really tried hard to hold onto me as her friend but not a boyfriend. She told me that if we can't be friends there is no way for her to know if we could try things again. I stood my ground and told her that I didn't want to be just her friend. I haven't talked to her since.

It has now been 6 days NC since we last spoke. She IM'd me a few times during the week just saying "HI" but I never responded. It honestly made me feel good to not respond, but that feeling quickly wore off.

I was hoping that the NC would give me time to heal and maybe allow her to miss me. I haven't seemed to heal much to tell you the truth. The last few days have been real tough. I feel so lonely. So bored. So depressed. Nothing seems to interest me anymore. They only thing I enjoy is working out and staying healthy, but you can only do so much of that. I try to do the things that once interested me, but they seem to be so dull and have no purpose. I hate this feeling. I wish it on no one.

I feel like she has lots of girlfriends to hangout with every night, which is probably making it easy for her to get her mind of things. She is the kind of girl that would rather ignore the problem than open up and talk about it. I can only guess that she is hurting inside but won’t let others see it.

I on the other hand don't have a lot of friends in town since I am new here. I have met a lot of people, but none who I am really close with. I am trying my best to go out a lot and meet more people. I do have a very supporting family that I am very thankful for.

This healing process seems so slow and I seriously don't think I can handle this pain and discomfort much longer. For 30 days now I have felt like a drug addict itching for a fix. I am afraid that the NC and by not responding to her IM's has pushed her away even more.

[whaywardj]

Uh...at present, Lion, that's the idea. A pushing away of one another.

[pariank]

Just hang in there. Everything will get better. Patience helps during these times(I know its hard to be patient). It's been a month and a half since my relationship of 3 years ended and I'm just starting to feel that my healing is starting.

You can't expect to get over a serious relationship in a month. I still get depressed a lot but I keep pulling myself out of the quicksand. Just be strong and you'll make it.

" I feel so lonely. So bored. So depressed."

I started my own music collection and that has worked for me so far. I bought about 12 albums just this past 2 months. My favorite so far when I'm feeling depressed and angry is My Chemical Romance's album "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge." which is an irony. I used to be a newage and classical guy. I think I'm turning emo.

I guess try something new that you've never done before(other than drugs and alcohol). That really worked for me.

[Rosebud]

I agree it still takes time to get over the feelings you have. You can do this, it's just that you have to find something else aside from working out and staying healthy to keep your mind off things. Read some books, or rent some movies.. YOu know keep finding differnet things to keep your mind off all that stuff.

[gHEXjt]

You can't expect to feel better in 6 days. This is going to be a long process. The no contact may not make you feel better at first, which it hasn't. The idea of NC, in my head, is that it allows you not to sink even further. The more you talk to her and the more you spend time w/her will give you false hope of things working out--the more you will hurt, and the longer it will take for you to get past all this. Stick w/the no contact, and just hang in there. One day at a time.

[Lion-Guy]

Thanks to all of you guys for the support through these tough times.

whaywardj I didn't really think of it that way at first. But it makes since that I need to have some control in this breakup, even if it is pushing her away with silence right now.

pariank good idea about the music. I bought a few CDs tonight and hope that will help me become distracted and heal. I really like the Lauren Hill song EX-Factor and Limp Bizkit's Boiler which takes the point of view of the dumpee.

Rosebud I have tried the movies and TV but they all seem dull to me at this time. Nothing like the used to be to me. Reading on the other hand I can handle. I actually spent the first few days at the bookstore reading all about relationships and learned quite a bit. But I think I need to choose another topic of I want to get my mind off the ex.

gHEXjt I will stick with NC even though I am dying to hear from her. I know in the long run it is the best bet for me since this breakup has been so painful for me. I certainly don't want to live by false hopes.

[gHEXjt]

I understand that you're dying to hear from her. I've felt the same way. And then when you talk to her you're happy cause you get a small taste of what you had, but during the conversation you will more likely than not hear something that you don't want to hear. Like she has a new bf, or that she can't give your relationship another chance, which completely bursts your bubble, and leaves you feeling like shit.

Also, if you want to hear some really good breakup songs from the standpoint of the dumpee, listen to these two songs by Megadeth-1)1000 Times Goodbye, 2)In My Darkest Hour...1000 Times Goodbye made me feel a lot better, like a lot of us have been there.

[cohdd]

Be proud of yourself. You are showing great courage. You are doing all the right things in an effort to make you stronger and work through this difficult time. It is wise not to have contact with your ex, as this will just extend and aggravate your healing process.

It is true that women more likely share their emotions with friends and have an easier time working through relationship issues. It is wonderful that you have your family to support you. I'm sure they want to be there for you, so take advantage of their love for you and talk to them about your feelings and hardship right now.

You are working out in an effort to clear your mind and stay healthy. That is a great first step. However, you mention that nothing seems to interest you anymore, that you are depressed. Don't be afraid to seek counseling to help you through this. Also, try to take small steps to make changes in your life to grab hold of the happier times that lay in your future. Maybe you don't have many friends right now. If you work out at home, go to a gym instead (free trial offers exist) to meet people in your community. Go to a church/kaballah/religious service, or outing in an effort to be around caring people. Look inside yourself at the gifts you have to offer and try volunteering. It might help you to turn the focus outside of yourself, and concentrate on others. It can also improve your state of depression by helping others in your community.

As Winnie the Pooh says, "Nobody can be uncheered by a balloon". So express your love for yourself by doing something special for YOU. Go shopping and buy some new clothes, or buy some plants to decorate your home or create a garden. Figure out what you could do for yourself that would be fun and make you feel good. Embrace your pain, but continue to take steps towards a happier and healthier tomorrow.

[eternalsummer]

Sounds like me.

I would text her. No replies, or would get a few days later.

Women. Its okay for them to hurt men but not the other way around.

At the end of the day, women always want this ideal man who loves them for who they are. They get hold of one, its great. Then they get bored. Obviously I dont know the finer details with you guys..

Move on my friend. Like I should have. The friends thing never works.

[Lion-Guy]

First off i would like to thank Cohdd, ghexjt, and eternal summer for your advice and comments. I have read them carefully and it helps me get through the day without feeling too bad. So thank you for your support.


Second, I have a quick question. It has been 8 days NC. I have not responded to any of her messages and I have not contacted her myself.

She called at noon and I didn't answer. She left a voice mail, wondering what I have been up to and hoped that I would give her a call back. Tomorrow marks our 3 year anniversary if we were together.

So do I ignore the voicemail and stick with NC, return her call or wait until tomorrow and return the call? What would you do in this situation?

[gHEXjt]

Ya know, that's a tough one. If she attempts to call you again tomorrow, then I say listen to the message she leaves, and go with your gut. I'd still say go no contact though. Today would've been my ex and I's 4-year anniversary. I felt bad in the morning, but she's got a new bf and I didn't want to break 7 weeks of NC and call her today just to feel more hurt and disappointment, so I didn't. My advice is to go w/NC, but you need to do what you feel is right tomorrow, but if you call her, odds are you aren't going to hear what you want to hear.

[Lion-Guy]

"odds are you aren't going to hear what you want to hear."

You are so right. I think I will stick with NC. It feels good to have the power to not answer and to not call her back. I am sure that feeling will wear off soon but it feels good for now.

[Junsui]

Good choice LG. I would stick with NC as well.

[fear_21]

man u have to go out with your friends, meet people, that helps, find a good hobby.....do things that make you forget..

[Tone]

If you weren't so self-centered you could easily search this forum for stories and advice on how other people went through this. Cause let's be honest - what you're going through is nothing new, we've all been there. We've all shared our story thousands of times on this forum on how we got through it.

Hey - I might come off a little harsh - but it is the TRUTH, you can't deny that.