Confusion... what is love?

[SteveM]

Hi guys,
Been a long time since I've posted here. Infact over a year, in the time I've met a great girl and gone out with her for a long while now.

My problem is I am so so confused. I mean, on one hand I think she's a great girl, she loves me, she loves being around me and doesn't care about my flaws & she can be so nice to me. I mean, I care about her so much, she's been through an awful lot in her life and sometimes it seems like I'm the only person she can come to.

I just can't help but ask myself, is she the one? Am I happy? Am I happy with her for the rest of my life? On one hand when I think about the above I think, yes. I care for her so much why wouldn't I be happy?
On the other hand I think, are we meant to be together? I mean, I know it'd crush her if we broke up and I care about her alot so I don't want that for her. But I just wonder is it right for me? Its just little things that bother me like:
Shes a great girl wit a great body but I just sometimes wonder am I REALLY attracted to her? I mean, she looks great but never wears any makeup. Its not like she really needs it but (like the guys will know at least), guys love when a girl sees the need to impress them. Like going out and they add that little touch like a little colour to their cheeks or their eyes. Just that extra bit that makes us go WOW! I dunno. Same with how she dresses. I mean, we can't all be perfect and stunning 24/7 but sometimes when we meet up by day I just wish she dressed a little more sexy for me or something. She acts kinda childish sometimes, like she doesn't dress or act like she's grown up but rathers dressing and acting like shes 10. when I just kinda wish she'd dress more feminine. She likes childrens cartoons and toys when sometimes I wish she acted more grown up. She even sometimes talks about loving me like its some sort of fairytale that we'll be together forever and gets upset if everything isn't always magical like if I can only spend half the day with her because I have work or something. I kinda wish she'd be like other girls and be into makeup and clothes and shopping and whatver else but she just seems to hate all that, or at least seems to shy away from it like she thinks its something bad. I don't now really. Its unfair of me to expect someone to change. Its just like in some ways shes so perfect for me but in other ways I just think "I don't know".

I know this all sounds really selfish of me but I can't figure it out. I have one half of my mind telling me, "Are you crazy? She's so sweet, where will YOU ever get a girl like that again?". But the other half just keeps saying "Is this what you REALLY want?". I feel really attached to her and really care about her. When we hug or kiss I get this "nice" feeling. But I can't help remembering this other girl I used like a few years back. Nothing ever happened, she had a boyfriend and didn't really like me in that way but for some reason when I ran into her my legs used to be like jelly and my heart started racing and I had no idea why... I mean, is THAT love or is it the feeling I have now with my girlfriend love, where I just get this kinda "nice" feeling that I'm making HER happy by being there for her. Should I have had or still have at this point in the relationship, that weak at the knees feeling? Because its not quite the same as that other girl. In fact I've NEVER been like that about ANYONE else which is why I have no idea what that feel was back then. I'm so confused. Am I with her just for HER, is it because I don't think I can get anyone else, or is it because I care for her so much and that IS love. I just don't know.

[Reverb]

The grass on the other side of that fence always looks tastier don't it? That feeling in your belly when you looked at the other girl, ain't love. It's more like desire or lust, which is NOT to be confused with love. People always seem to want what they can't have the most.
Try imagining your life without her in it at all. How does that make you feel?

[misombra]

how old are you? how old is she?

[SteveM]

Reverb,
I know what you mean but thats my confusion. Half of me thinks I'd be lonely and there'd be no-one else, the other half that I'm still young and could still maybe have some time being single and meeting other girls. I sound very selfish, I know, I don't know what to think really. I'm just 21 and she's 19.

[misombra]

no you're normal, really.

you guys are young. when you get a little older those things become less important.

she IS very young, and that's why she acts that way.

i don't know what else to tell you. you'll have to decide whether or not you want to be with her.

[Prodigal]

Like misombra said, it's really up to you. I'll say a couple of things you may want to consider, though.

- If these things are really things that bother you, and that is really her, what are you going to do? Making her change because it's not exactly what you like.. well, that's a bit wrong.

- Like you said, you don't think you'd meet someone like her again. It really matters what you want. If you really like her... then why look into all these speculations?

It seems like you think she's good, but you wonder if you can 'find better'. It's possible, yes... no matter who you're with, I think there's always that possibility of there being somebody 'better'. But what if she really was the best one? Then what?

Also, Reverb has a good point. People do kinda want what they can't have. If you leave her, you may realize how good you had it.. and then you may regret leaving her. All I would advise is that if you're gonna leave her, give it a lot of thought. A LOT. Good luck to you.

[clynn]

You could . . . . ask her out for a special dinner and say, "hey, lets dress up, it'll be fun, romantic, we can see each other in our dress up clothes...".

I know that after being with a guy for a while, we get into "comfort mode" and actually I start becoming MORE comfortable and relaxed with him than anyone else, and this means sweats and jeans and comfy clothes.

Unless you make plans to do something special and give her indication it is a dress up affair, she may not just try it out on her own.