Insecurity After Breakup

[NeoSeminole]

yeah, I am pretty sure it was her. She wanted to know if it was okay for her to date a guy a week after she broke off a 3 yr relationship. Tone and several others said she wasn't emotionally ready yet. It seems they were right.

[Tone]

You mean you don't like my attempts to be a cold hearted *****?

I'm hurt, Tony. Very hurt.

Nooo don't take it the wrong way.

I just like it better when you're sweet and charming!

But who am I to say anything? I'm sure you all like better when I'm not actin like an ******* jerkoff.

[bluesummer]

yeah, I am pretty sure it was her. She wanted to know if it was okay for her to date a guy a week after she broke off a 3 yr relationship. Tone and several others said she wasn't emotionally ready yet. It seems they were right.

I wish people would actually read the posts before posting asinine comments.

I never said I intended to date the guy one week after. Lord. I'm not a bloody moron.

[bluesummer]

Oh, and as an update, I've ended the relationship for good. He's being a real ass the last litle while, and it finally got to me enough to say "Sorry, we have no future."

I'm going to buy a cat and stay away from men for a bit (including the one I apparently wanted to date one week after breaking up with my bf). Gonna get a new haircut, hang with my friends, sort my shit out. Then we'll see.

[independent]

I need a cat....

[fear_21]

Woman stop looking on the relationship with their heart and start looking trough everything else. Mostly they search for adventures as time runs by. Why do women get atracted after a while with their men, by other men so easily?..i realy dont know, is this world ful of bi*chess? Isnt there any women, that folows her man, loves him all her life and doesnt even think a second of cheating or looking for something "better"? Are there women, that dont start to lie to you, and think you dont get that? Do i realy have to get a 30yo mom with kids, to not get fooled, cheated or somtn? Why the hell do we bother with relationchips, why not just make a big S*xParty and everyone will be pleased? Why my feeling are so bad, hurt and everything sometimes nothing happen's, and i start to imagine my Gf could F**ck with another right now?
....i dont realy know any of those questions...but i know that i feel good when i start to be an liar, cheater and ass**le.

[Vanilla Gilr]

I need a cat....

...you could have a cat....

[independent]

Yeah... the last two cats we've had have just been extra work on me, to be honest. They just eat and poop and eat and poop and eat and poop LOL.

Maybe I need a big fuzzy stuffed cat

[splitsville]

I know this thread is long closed but thought i'd ad... girls just hold on to that "knight on a white horse" fantasy. They see relationships like they are supposed to be the perfect barby and ken. Basically they're all unrealistic. They watch too many romance movies probably

[Gigabitch]

Actually, I'm glad you bumped this thread. I think it's a good discussion, and besides, whaywardj is featured in it, and I'm a big fan of his.

The white horse thing is really echoing around my head. I'm totally doing this in my own relationship. I'm not sure if it's such a mistake- I think he is not only into it but can actually back it up with actions, but it is definitely at odds with the whole stand-on-my-own-two-feet thing I had always striven for.

And it also ties in to the thread topic. Getting divorced really freaked me out and started all manner of insecurities churning, not just about how I felt about myself and love, but how other people saw me.

Breakups are really traumatic, and sometimes I think we can be too dismissive of the havoc that they wreak, just telling people to get over it and move on. That's never easy to do.

[splitsville]

every girl I know says teir BF is not this way or that way, doesnt do this or that etc.. nothing ever seems to be "perfect". Reality is no relationship is perfect. thats just the movies, a fantasy. No guy can live up to a fantasy. Think of it this way.. what if every guy expected thier GF to look like a playboy playmate??

[Moonchild]

My mom told me something once that I thought was very reasonable. When my dad asked her to marry him, she had to think for a while. She'd been married once before, briefly, but the guy was far from wonderful and it sounded like she was staying simply because she didn't know what else to do with herself. So she essentially said to herself, "This man, like all, has faults. He has a temper, and he's incredibly stubborn. Are these faults something I can live with for the rest of my life?" It's a good question to ask--everyone /does/ have faults. And rather than asking ourselves if we're in the perfect relationship, we should be asking ourselves if we can live with the faults our partner of choice has. If we can, then all is well. If we can't, things will end. That's the way I've always thought of it--not what's /perfect/, but rather, what's comfortable for me to live with. And if I find that I can't live with something, I end the relationship. After all, it's not fair to the other person if I know it's going nowhere.

[bluesummer]

Holy sweet ****, why on earth was this thread resurrected? It's two years old!!!!

Anyways, reading back on it, since it WAS my thread originally.....it helps me see how tormented I really was by that relationship. Forget all the 'white knight' bullshit, I wasn't looking for that.....this guy cheated on me several times and I still can't believe I questioned my judgement in leaving him. But then, I really was an emotional wreck.

I've learned a lot from this. Namely, when someone cheats on you, you walk and don't look back. Leaving him was the best decision I've ever made. It's lead me to someone who treats me in a way I didn't think was even possible of a man. And I'm HAPPY.

Bottom line people....my experience in the past two years has taught me....you have a choice to be happy. Never expect perfection from a partner, but someone that brings you down and makes you feel less of yourself is never going to change and is never worth your time. Choose self respect. Don't stay because you're worried you'll not meet someone else....there's so many people out there. I've also learned since then that your state of mind determines what you will attract. If you are depressed and insecure, you will attract abusive people that want to take advantage of you. When you are positive and confident, you attract the like.

[DoesntMatter]

Bottom line people....my experience in the past two years has taught me....you have a choice to be happy.

Amen to that. No one can criticize my pursuit of happiness (or yours)

[DoesntMatter]

If you are depressed and insecure, you will attract abusive people that want to take advantage of you. When you are positive and confident, you attract the like.

No.

You might not attract anyone if you are depressed, just like how you are when you are happy