Some advice please :)

[Morboro]

Hi

I was friends with this girl I really like, and I kind of ruined things by saying that I was really interested in her, and I wanted to know if she was interested in me. Her reply was she was not interested in having anything serious at this stage. I don't know if that's just an easy way to say she's not interested? or maybe she is interested but just a bit unsure?

Anyway I really feel like calling her and asking if she still wants to be friends, I really enjoy her company, but I feel as if I have stuffed things up.

Any advice please?

Thanks

[Prodigal]

There are a couple things to consider here.

1. How do you know things are 'stuffed up' (using your words)? Is there actual nervous tension there? Or is it just something you're presuming? Is she trying to avoid you, or is she still like normal? Ask yourself these questiosn... if things really are 'stuffed up', maybe give her a little time and then call her or something... and just talk like normal. I wouldn't suggest the whole asking her if she still wants to be friends. That would cause some awkwardness for sure. But if you don't say anything, maybe it won't be very awkward.

2. As for her reply, it could be either. It could mean that she doesn't want to have a serious relationship now, or that she isn't interested in you. Maybe see how she is around other people... I'll leave someone else to answer that one.

[Vanilla Gilr]

Relax....as a female....if one of my male friends said that to me...I'd be flattered....and if I said that I wasn't interested in anything serious at this time...I would certainly assume that we would continue being friends.

My advice is simple...just continue to be her friend as you always have...at worst...you've paid her a very nice compliment....at best....you've planted a "what if" thought in her head which may cause her to start thinking of you in a more romantic way.

But don't ask her if you're still friends...that could stress things...just enjoy her friendship...and let it grow where it will.

[Bluevetteracer]

Hi

I was friends with this girl I really like, and I kind of ruined things by saying that I was really interested in her, and I wanted to know if she was interested in me. Her reply was she was not interested in having anything serious at this stage. I don't know if that's just an easy way to say she's not interested? or maybe she is interested but just a bit unsure?

Anyway I really feel like calling her and asking if she still wants to be friends, I really enjoy her company, but I feel as if I have stuffed things up.

Any advice please?

Thanks

In my experience, this is a very nice way of women telling you that she is not interested in you romantically. If she was, she would have felt it from the start and or, over time. Not saying that she will not at sometime think other wise.

Here is the deal with "being Friends". Going from friends to romantic interest is a difficult step. Both must have entertained the idea along the way, just left it un-said. But, in the normal sense, if you place yourself in the friend's category, you condition her to see and feel that way about you, as a friend. She may have shared things with you, her past etc, that she would not want a romantic interest to know. Any number of reasons, but in my experience, once you are in the friend's category, you are there for the long run.

The only time this worked out for me, was with a girl that I befriended in college. She had a boy friend at the time, and rejected a date offer that I proposed. The friendship was not mentioned, and I just acted like I had never asked her out. I did not avoid her, or act differently then I had before. The flirting continued, and after a few months, one day she asked me out. Apparently she ended it with her BF, unknown to me, and then we became involved. BUT, I never placed myself in the friend's category. I was FRIENDLY, but always maintained the subtle flirting and possible prospect status.