Why does this always happen to me

[Asip4u]

I should probably mention right about now, that I am the world's WORST person to argue with and that all of my arguments should not be taken personally (For the risk of me completely exhausting you)

hahah...I've noticed that awhile back but you make a lot of good points, Mish, not much there to argue. Also, i've gotten exhausted long ago (not by arguing with you, just in general) so now it's more just about relaxing and going with the flow.

[Rosebud]

[QUOTE=Mishanya]

the stuff i mentioned is NOT irrelevant. It doesn't matter how much time they spent together. What matters is that they are in a relationship and people shouldn't go into relationships if they yet haven't moved on and are still thinking about different scenarios and revisits of the past...

Yes they are..and who knows how long after her ex left that she got into another relationship. Based on my assumptions it wasn't long if she had to question herself about it. She obviously wasn't ready to be in a relationship! I don't know her, so I'm going on my opinions here.. I agree with you on the above post but I don't think that's what happened here. Yes people shouldn't jump into another relationship but it happens. I'm not condoning it I'm saying if that happens everyone has a RIGHT to feel confused over whatever emotions they have..

I completely disagree with this sentence! So what, are we going to start putting time limits on what should work for everybody now? It's almost like you are giving a green light for anyone who has been in a relationship less than a certain time frame, that it's okay to be confused, not know what to do, cheat even (Cause you know they are confused, don't know what they are doing, like little kids, not responsible for their actions right?). And how do you know that what they felt was real love or not real love? Are you suggesting that 3 months has never been enough time for anybody to fall in love? I know people who fell in love in much less time than that and are still together, some even married...

I think the factor that she is with someone for 3 months and barely knows this person compared to someone she knew for 3 years is totally differnet. Yes, it's ok to be confused about whatever happens... are you saying you always know what to do and when to do it? No.. All I'm saying is that after being with someone for 3 years you are bound to have thoughts of them at some point. I would never give a time limit on love as it can happen whenever I'm saying that it's highly unlikely no that it doesn't ever happen. There's so much you don't know about someone in that small amount of time.

So again... After being with someone for 3 months as long as everything has been put on the table about feelings then why stir the pot even more. Why not move on enjoy each other???

[Rosebud]

And I don't mind arguing at all..... there are a lot of things you ahve said I agree with you on but necessarily in this scenario my dear Mish!

[Mish]

Yes they are..and who knows how long after her ex left that she got into another relationship. Based on my assumptions it wasn't long if she had to question herself about it. She obviously wasn't ready to be in a relationship! I don't know her, so I'm going on my opinions here.. I agree with you on the above post but I don't think that's what happened here. Yes people shouldn't jump into another relationship but it happens. I'm not condoning it I'm saying if that happens everyone has a RIGHT to feel confused over whatever emotions they have..

Gotcha If you remember, all I was trying to say is that she may repeat this kind of behaviour. You have now confirmed that as well. So our guy SHOULD keep his senses sharp, for this may reoccur!

Only i take it a step further... Everyone who has right to be confused, does not have right to be in a relationship

[Rosebud]

NO NO NO.. I agreed with you that you shouldn't be in a relationship that your not ready for. But this does not mean she will do this again. You were telling him to talk to her again to ask if he can expect this in the future after they had already figured everything out. Why not move forward instead of back wards?

Oh Mish why do you love to argue with me so much???

And I strongly disagree that anyone who has a right to be confused should not be in a relationship?? Look at me for example I'm confused by a lot (keep your smart comments to yourself) within my relationship and about my relationship and a lot of other things... That does not mean I shouldn't be in one!

[MastaPDiddy]

I'm liking this little debate here. So I'm going to uopdate you a little bit on some information so you can see how well your opinions are holding up in this situation.

She is NOT showing signs of someone who is cheating. Actually it seems like she really is just taking time to think about things. When I call she picks up, when I text she answers back or calls back. Lately I havent been including the "i love you" at the end of texts or conversations, but she always does.

BUT, when we do talk...things just arent as bright as they used to be. She is often not talking to me but doing other things and then when she talks to me she no longer talks in an upbeat voice. Before when I used to say "okay, I'm going to go now" she would complain and ask me not to go. Nowadays she agrees and we hang up, but she'll never initiate the hanging up part. I asked her if shes still talking to her ex and she said "kind of".

She and I haven't been talking much, so I do believe as of late shes talking to him as much or slightly more than she is to me.


I still don't know what to make of this but I know shes not cheating. At least as well as i know her, i don't think shes capable of cheating.

[Rosebud]

aww hell Masta... you had to give him an edge didn't you? damnit! Great now all this is gonna come back in my face......

Ok well.. Have you brought this to her attention? Like asked her why things have changed? She needs to stop talking to him by the way....

[Mish]

NO NO NO.. I agreed with you that you shouldn't be in a relationship that your not ready for. But this does not mean she will do this again. You were telling him to talk to her again to ask if he can expect this in the future after they had already figured everything out. Why not move forward instead of back wards?

Oh Mish why do you love to argue with me so much???

And I strongly disagree that anyone who has a right to be confused should not be in a relationship?? Look at me for example I'm confused by a lot (keep your smart comments to yourself) within my relationship and about my relationship and a lot of other things... That does not mean I shouldn't be in one!

It may not mean that she will do it again, but chances that she will are much higher than if she didn't act this way to begin with. The talk with her that I mentioned did not neccessarily have to be a negative talk, just to put everything in perspective and find out how confused she is (Confused enough to keep doing this?)

This is an issue of trust, compare to our modern trust culture. You start having trust issues with the bank, by defaulting on loans and very quickly you will get blacklisted and noone will ever give you a loan again... Why? The research shows that people who default on loans are more likely to continue defaulting than people who do not default to begin with...

Your situation is different to this one because of the depth of your relationship, so comparing yourself to them is not a very good example. Plus, you are a much nicer person than that girl as to be so inconsiderate to someone elses feelings... Your confusions are more on cue, because you ARE the one who is being mistreated by your SO (Don't think that by reffering to this girl, I am somehow indirectly reffering to you)

[Mish]

She and I haven't been talking much, so I do believe as of late shes talking to him as much or slightly more than she is to me.

I still don't know what to make of this but I know shes not cheating. At least as well as i know her, i don't think shes capable of cheating.

I am sorry to hear about that.

No, I am not going to rub this latest development into anyone's face. I still suggest you sit down and have a talk and put things into perspective. Theoretically, the cheating is a proccess that develops very slowly from casual contact, to more casual contact, to going out and so on. The trick is to recognize the symtoms in the early stages so they can be dealt with fairly quickly. I just hope that you are not wasting your time with her.

Her talking to her ex is clearly an issue that bothers you. You need to vocalize that as well as the status of your relationship. It maybe that this girl is just not ready to be in a relationship right now due to her "confusion". I think a posibility that she herself will realize that and will look for a way out should be on your mind as well...

[Mish]

hahah...I've noticed that awhile back but you make a lot of good points, Mish, not much there to argue. Also, i've gotten exhausted long ago (not by arguing with you, just in general) so now it's more just about relaxing and going with the flow.

Thanks Asip... I like arguing, plus i feel like I am here to learn so I think that by being very honest with my views on various subjects I will be able to find differing views that can counter my view point with as reasonable arguments as mine... You don't learn much when always agreeing, which I by the way do as well when someone's view point coincides with mine

[MastaPDiddy]

I think a posibility that she herself will realize that and will look for a way out should be on your mind as well...

Yea this is something I have been preparing myself for. In essence, if she were to break up with me right now. I'd be okay with it because I've been dealing with it slowly ever since this first happened.

But something tells me this is a bit different. I am torn between thinking that she is slipping away...or truely working out her issues and slipping back to me. In any case I recognise she's slipping..and perhaps I feel that which way she falls is not entirely up to her.

I've never been in this situation, if she wanted out she would have left by now.

[Rosebud]

I think it's very important right now for you to sit her down and ask her what's going on. She told you she wanted you to help her through all this, so it's up to HER to be honest about what's going on and how she feels. She may even be talking to her ex for emotional support as well on all the stuff she's going through, but unfortunately you won't ever know unless you ask... and she's honest!

So iw ould definetly sit her down and talk to her about all this. Actions do speak louder than words but it's very importnat that she's talking to you about what's going on right now!

[MastaPDiddy]

I think it's very important right now for you to sit her down and ask her what's going on. She told you she wanted you to help her through all this, so it's up to HER to be honest about what's going on and how she feels. She may even be talking to her ex for emotional support as well on all the stuff she's going through, but unfortunately you won't ever know unless you ask... and she's honest!

So iw ould definetly sit her down and talk to her about all this. Actions do speak louder than words but it's very importnat that she's talking to you about what's going on right now!

I already did though!!!!

how many times do i need to sit down with ehr and talk. She told me shes going through alot of rough stuff, she will never go back to her ex bf, she wants to be with me, and she wants to work things out so that by the time I'm back home...things will be good. I really think its going to hurt our relationship if I keep pushing her around.

[Mish]

I think it's very important right now for you to sit her down and ask her what's going on. She told you she wanted you to help her through all this, so it's up to HER to be honest about what's going on and how she feels. She may even be talking to her ex for emotional support as well on all the stuff she's going through, but unfortunately you won't ever know unless you ask... and she's honest!

So iw ould definetly sit her down and talk to her about all this. Actions do speak louder than words but it's very importnat that she's talking to you about what's going on right now!

Second princess passified, mission accomplished

[Rosebud]

I already did though!!!!

how many times do i need to sit down with ehr and talk. She told me shes going through alot of rough stuff, she will never go back to her ex bf, she wants to be with me, and she wants to work things out so that by the time I'm back home...things will be good. I really think its going to hurt our relationship if I keep pushing her around.

No I'm talking about her being so stand-offish with you. not about her ex! Just getting her to open up more... things have changed from before right? So do you want them to stay the way they are now?

And who said I agreed Mish!