She wanted to move in

[SweetenedBySwee]

This chick I've been talking to you for several months now and it's going really well just been coming over and staying for like weeks at a time then going back and then coming back but she wanted to move in once went home to get her stuff and chickened out then she asked me again if she can move in and I said yes and yet again it happened but this time she stayed at home we talk every now and then but it's not the same she's married but they're not together but he pays for her place of residence her kids like me and she told them that they were going to move in here and they were excited but when she got home something changed I need help

[TheEvilJester]

To be honest with you, my first gut reaction is why would you already be talking about moving in together if you've only been going out for a few months? Isn't that a bit early? I mean, I could be wrong. Not like I'm an expert. But that seems early to me.

Ignoring that, though....

Honestly, it could just be a big deal for her. Maybe she keeps thinking she's ready only to realize she's not. You say she's married, but they are not together. Have they started the process of getting a divorce? Divorces can take a long time and can even get messy and painful sometimes. She could just be going through a lot and need time to work through it all.

Did she bring up wanting to move in with you or were you the first to bring it up? Because it kind of sounded like you said she brought it up first unless I just misunderstood your story. So, I'll admit I do find that a little strange that she'd bring it up and yet be the one to reconsider. Still... moving in together can be a big step. Especially when children from a previous relationship are involved. That's not the kind of thing to rush, so maybe she's just having some second thoughts on whether or not the time is right.

But, why talk to us about all this? Just talk to her about it. Try to do so in as supportive a way as possible. In other words, don't treat her like she's done anything wrong, don't ask her what the heck her problem is or anything like that. Just ask if she still wants to move in together, or if maybe she's thinking that should wait for now. Try to show her that you'll support whatever decision she makes and that there is no pressure (as long as that truly IS how you feel).

Honestly, it is often better not to get into a relationship when going through divorce. You should deal with the divorce first and take some time to heal from that. But, a little too late for that now since she is already with you. So, if nothing else, it is a delicate balance. It will be tough for her at times. Just be there for her as best you can. If it ever gets too much for you to handle, that does NOT make you wrong. That is understandable if you'd have to end things....but just understand than it doesn't necessarily make her wrong either. Divorce can be difficult.

Best of luck to you either way.

[CantMoveOn]

Her situation seems complicated and you probably do not want or need the drama she could bring you way right now, why not wait until she settles her current living situation before thinking about her moving in.

[Hooo!]

I don't get this

Why are you asking us, when you should be asking her

[umarmalkh]

It is never right to push someone to move in with you. and for your sake she had an husband with kids do you think its a easy decision to make right away do not rush her just give her time and support that will come automatically after knowing you better and healing from the past marriage.

[smackie09]

I think you should wait. She's taking a big risk moving in with you because his rent payment will be gone....and if you two split, she won't have that to fall back on. If there is a ring put on her finger, and a future commitment for marriage, then it would make sense to settle in together. She needs something permanent so to speak. IMO she is being wise to hold off. being together for "several months" isn't long enough to know someone and to commit to something this important.

[topazlight]

She claims she wanted to move in but if she really wanted to move in she would have. Recognize that fact and don't ask again.

[TheEvilJester]

I'll also add that she could just be honest with you. Rather than saying she is ready and then backing out at the last minute, she should just tell you if she's not ready. But, maybe she thought she was ready... or maybe she was worried she'd hurt your feelings so she just agreed to it, but then thought better of rushing things right at the end.

It could be any number of things. But, from us, it is pure speculation. Talk to her about it. Maybe she's just not ready to move in together. That would be understandable for anybody who has only been together a few months, but even more so when you consider she has kids and is currently going through divorce. Could she be having second thoughts about you altogether? Maybe. That is possible. Hopefully it isn't that, but if you don't talk to her you'll never know, and you'd never know if there is anything that COULD maybe be fixed until it is too late.

So, just talk to her about all this. Again, in a calm and understanding way, just let her share how she feels.