Am I a ***** for being upset when my fiance watches porn?

[whaywardj]

Porn is harmless?!! WHAT?! It corrupts the moral fabric of our entire society! Destroys the bonds of marriage! Is a sin in the eyes of God! Causes kids and little old ladies to masturbate and go blind! Makes...er...

Wait minnit. I see by the clock I missed my five o'clock meds. Be right back...

[Jade Falcon]

Porn is harmless?!! WHAT?! It corrupts the moral fabric of our entire society! Destroys the bonds of marriage! Is a sin in the eyes of God! Causes kids and little old ladies to masturbate and go blind! Makes...er...

Wait minnit. I see by the clock I missed my five o'clock meds. Be right back...

And grows hair on your knuckles too....

[whaywardj]

Ooo. Fergot that one.

[Rosebud]

Since I find Hugo's smart remarks funny and even funnier that he's getting pissed off that woman don't agree with him, I won't even waste the time to write a long ass post about how he's wrong, and very arrogant. I think it's funny he thinks all of us are tweens as well!!! That made me laugh!

But I would like to mention... EVERYONE HAS LIMITS TO WHAT IS EXCESSIVE! nobody can sit here and say that's too much or that's too little since each person has limits. what's excessive to you may not be to the orginal poster and vice versa. I think Hugo that you just tried attacking the poster because she's a woman and since you know nothing about us you blame us without even seeing what the real problem is.

Anywho, is there an update to this thread? HAve you done anything yet?

[LilMissy]

thank you all so much for your input... it is very very appreciated!!

I talked to him about it and he agreed to be a little more discteet if I agree not to get pissed off if I catch him once in a while. I know he loves me and is attracted to me so I guess it is a little harsh to get upset with hom for watching a little porn and jerking it every now & again

[Tone]

Hey glad you could get this resolved!

Hope everything works out for you guys.

[Essence]

LilMissy:

I hope you will really consider your sexual compatibility, and think about the ramifications of asking your husband to alter his behavior, before you guys tie the knot. It does not sound like you guys are right for each other.

Your sex drive at 23 should NOT be slowing to any great extent, and if you are "far from it" (being a virgin) I have got to wonder about your reasons for having all that sex earlier. I think you might have some serious introspection to do, but that's too much to analyze here.

Masturbating and watching porn is not a bad thing. If he has a sexual drive, he has a sexual drive, and relieving his sexual urges in a harmless way such as that is natural and healthy (unless he is obsessed with sexual activity which would be if he is spending major amounts of his day jerking off, and as a result, missing school or work, or is conducting himself inappropriately in society - in which case he needs a shrink). Asking him to suppress those urges and trying to shut-down this form of release is only going to make him want to satisfy his sexual needs outside the home.

Don't let your own issues of feelings of inadequacy result in shutting down his harmless release, or cause continual fighting.

And why is his masturbating creepy? You should be happy he is not attempting to hide his needs, and the way that he satisfies them. Why should he be more "discreet"? Is he doing it in the living room with the blinds open, in front of the window, where neighbors can see? Maybe you should have asked him to do it more quietly so he does not wake you up, but be more "discreet"? So you are not going to be pissed off if you catch him once in a while..... what is "once in a while"? He is not going to be masturbating any less, I assure you, he is simply going to be hiding it from you. Because of your overbearing disapproval of his actions, it seems you guys may have already taken the first steps toward secrecy and dishonesty ruining a relationship.

If there were definitely not going to be any kids (like if one of you could not have them) I would say fine, learn at the school of hard knocks, but since kids usually come out of marriage, you really should seek a companion with which you are more compatible. Kids deserve better than divorce.

[Mish]

Cliff Notes: The guy is masturbating while she's asleep because of her. She has a problem putting out enough. Women "your age" don't know shit about having sex with a woman. He won't ask women about having sex with women. He'll ask a guy. He doesn't want your womanly opinions about having sex with women. He knows more than any of you because he's 32 and has had sex with lots of women. Or knows some guy who has.

There were one or two other idiocies, and sarcasm goes right over his head, but I think that about sums it up.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

OMG

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

LOL

That just made my day

Thanks Hayward

[ngwasuma]

Let your bf open up to you and tell you what he likes. May be there is something he is afraid to ask you to do for him.

[meh]

Ok first of all, I know I'm relatively new here, but that doesn't mean I don't know common sense when I see it.

Hugo has common sense, and his posts aren't as far from the truth as most of you are trying to make it seem.

I'm not saying the problem belongs entirely to the poster herself, or to her boyfriend either, but there are lots of things they could both do to improve the situation.

A few questions for the poster:

- does sexual intercourse hurt you in some way?
- does he not please you?
- do you work long hours / come home tired etc and need to go to sleep or rest?

Because if not, I see absolutely no reason why you would find having sex 4 times a week excessive. Sure, he could refrain from doing it every once in a while since he knows it bothers you, and you could also put out more. But those are issues that you actually need to talk eachother about.

You are 23 and should be very sexually active unless your relationship with him has some underlying problems which make sex an unattractive idea.

If however, there are no other problems and it's just you finding having sex 4 times a week as excessive (how many times a week do you do it, anyway?) then I would say that the problem belongs to you and not him.

From personal experience, when you're a virgin and enter a relationship with a sexually active/experienced woman, your sex drives just expands. I'll bet you had a lot more sex when you first got together than you do now. He's just living in the expectations of that past, he wants more sex and his masturbation or porn-watching is something that should only bother you because it constantly reminds you that YOU AREN'T DOING ENOUGH.

It's not like he's watching gay porn and being depressed that he can't suck you off (because you're a woman). You've got all the assets (I assume) so really the thing to do is have more sex.

Even if he hides it from you more, even if he hides it from you FOREVER, that's not at all a good solution. He's 23 now, he's going to masturbate when he's 25, 28 but at one point or another he IS going to look for satisfaction in other places - he can only last for so long. What you need to do is increase the amount of times you have sex, OR increase the intensity/experience of when you do - either of those will give his sexual desires satisfaction.

And he masturbates in bed with you sleeping? Now, I don't know what your views on sex are (but I do know you were active when you were younger and now find lots of sex excessive) but your first reaction should be to jump him and get his mind off of jerking off and on to you.

[Tone]

meh - meet month old thread.

month old thread - meet meh.

There.. now that we have that out the way..

[just_me]

I agree with Ellynn....be extremely glad he isn't doing it online with someone else, or physically doing it with someone else. He doesn't hide it from you either, so you might want to consider taking it as a compliment. And don't worry....your sex drive will increase, just give it time.

[Converse]

I didn't bump this but- Just watch the porn with him, I would!

[ilovelove]

Hi. First post here. I feel like talking about sex, and I have NO idea where my BF is. So I'll start here:

Yet he still has a need to watch porn and get himself off like 3 or 4 times a week.

How often are you guys sleeping together? Doesn't sound very frequent...

Sometimes when I come home from work, he will have left it on the computer. It makes me feel completely inadequate, knowing I am still not enough and no matter what he will never be satisfied.

It's not that you are not enough. At least, that's the way I see it. My BF has brought videos over to my house, and has enjoyed watching it WHILE we're together. Eventually it became, "You are more beautiful than anybody in those videos..." I sometimes pop them in, too. Of course your fiance wants you and not those poor desperate people who do that for money.

I woke up the other day and he was masterbating while I SLEPT. It's not only hurtful to me, it's downright creepy.

Am I completely out of line here??

Well, no, you are entitled to your feelings. He shouldn't feel ashamed about what sounds to me like a normal sex drive (as opposed to being a sex addict). But if I woke up and found my BF self-pleasuring beside me, I'd be all over him with delight. I like watching him do it. He likes to watch me while he does it. It's amazing.

[sweetee]

[QUOTE=LilMissy]I woke up the other day and he was masterbating while I SLEPT. It's not only hurtful to me, it's downright creepy. QUOTE]

I was engaged once, and at that time I lived with my boyfriend. I never caught him watching porn or masturbating. However the night before that, i dreamed that he was masturbating. The next day I didn't think anything of it. Went to bed at out usual time. In the middle of the night, I woke up. He wasn't in the room with me. So, I guess he was in the living room. I walked in to find him masturbating to porn. Of course, I got mad because I thought he was disrespecting me. Fast forward to a year later, I learned it's actually harmless, and I know it's fantasy, and he wouldn't actually cheat on me. Although, I would never have sex with a guy while he's watching pron. I want the attention and his mind to be on me.