Family Matters.

[Rosebud]

I'm sorry for posting another thread but I really need to vent on some things here so please bare with me guys.

I have never really had a good relationship with my dad. My parents got divorced a long time ago because my dad was such a scumbag. He had cheated on my mom several times, stole money from me as a child, sold fake property to several people, and was even arrested for....oh god, how emabarrassing..... Child pornography! He had used my mother's SS number and even claimed she was dead to get rights to her assets after they had been divorced. Anyways from as long as I can remember he has been a con artist. He was never there for me a child and it weighed a lot on my mind growing up.

I felt the normal feelings of rejection, abandonment, and all those stuoid feelings that come from having a dead beat dad. Over the years I have grown to understand that I love my father because he is my father , but I do not like him as a person, nor do I believe a word that comes out of his mouth. 6 years ago he was diagnosed with cancer (multiple myeloma) whihc is why I have tried to mend things with us for the sake of me knowing I did everything I could to HAVE a relationship with him.

Well recently, I found out that Friend of the court has been after him along with a bunch of creditors that he racked up through the years (and even gave my mother's address to, to say it wasn't him). Well now he's making up this story that he had an identity theft trojan horse hit his computer, and is trying to use that to get out of everything. He is planning on filing for bankruptcy to avoid paying child support and all the other things he has done himself.

I'm irritated in the fact that he may actually get away with this. How can this be? He has caused so much problems and aggravation not to mention humiliation to all that has known him and he may get away with it. This is just another reason why I hate our freakin government. He should pay for what he has done. I know he has no income and he can't work and that he is dying a slow painful death but, god damnit what about all the people he has hurt, do they just get to say "well what's done is done". This really bothers me a lot. I still talk/see him only because this is a battle of mine that has been ongoing since I was 12. But so help me god i will not let him ever influence MY daughter or My family like he has onto me. I hate even knowing I have a person related to me that would ever be like this.

Ok I'm going to stop now.. I'm sorry it was so long..I just really needed to vent and get some stuff off my mind! If you guys don't want to read all that above you don't have to..

[Junsui]

I'm so sorry, RB. I can only imagine how tough that would be to have a father or any family member do all of those things.

[Tone]

I read it, RoseB... wow... I'm sorry your dad is such a scumbag.

I don't know much of anything about the government, court system, etc. so I don't know what to tell you about all that.. but... *hug for RoseB*

[Rosebud]

nah.. It's all good. I'm old enough to be able to accpet what type of person he is, but The more I come to terms with it, the more bullshit happens, and then I'm back at square one. I even sat down with him one night and emailed him like 3 differnet letters about all the things I felt and he turned it around on me saying I was at fault for not staying in contact with the family at one point. My ass, at the age of 13 I was the one calling him every weekend to say hi...grrrr ok I'm venting again..time to stop

[Junsui]

It's ok to vent. I just hope you know in no way is it your fault.

[Lloyd95]

You put that disclaimer about not reading the whole thing at the end?

Ok, now I feel bad about making fun of you.

Sounds to me like your father is a pathological loser; sorry, but he is. At this stage in his life (actually, it should have been before), he needs to Man-Up and take some accountability for his actions. I'm not sure how he can even live with his conscience, especially when staring down at deaths door.

Obviously, I dont know all what went on, but based on what you wrote, how he treated his wife and kid(s), you don't owe him anything; no need to mend fences. And as far as the Child Porn, obviously keep your daughter far away from him, but I'm sure you know this (even in your blondeness-sorry, couldn't resist )

I will forever stop making fun of you...

[Lloyd95]

I will forever stop making fun of you...

No I won't; who am I kidding?

[Rosebud]

I can tell myself it's not my fault.... But I have this compelling, annoying, little thing in my head that keeps saying you haven't tried hard enough with him, but then the other part of me fights that all the time. I have been dealing with all this for several years, part of it was the reason I ended up in rehab at 19.

My mom told me that bankruptcy laws have changed and now they take your assets to pay off all your debts, and so he may not get away with a lot. But he told me in the past he wanted to make me his beneficary because he felt so bad for treating me the way he does, I said NO.. that would mean I would gain all of his debt as well. No thank you!

[Asip4u]

Baby steps, Rb. Like Jun said, it's not your fault in any way. All you can do is be the best you can be and lead by example. Don't worry, he'll get his punishment.

[Rosebud]

Sounds to me like your father is a pathological loser; sorry, but he is. At this stage in his life (actually, it should have been before), he needs to Man-Up and take some accountability for his actions. I'm not sure how he can even live with his conscience, especially when staring down at deaths door.

Obviously, I dont know all what went on, but based on what you wrote, how he treated his wife and kid(s), you don't owe him anything; no need to mend fences. And as far as the Child Porn, obviously keep your daughter far away from him, but I'm sure you know this (even in your blondeness-sorry, couldn't resist )

I put that at the end because I figured most people would just read the last remark.

I don't think he can live with himself. He has tried numerous times to apologize to me and even cried because of it all. He attempted to try and make it up by giving me things which in turn I rejected. but I do have a heart and when I think of him I cry. I wish I could have a father I am close with but I don't so I have to live with what has happened but too be honest the reason i try to mend is to be able to have a good memory to remind me of him. All I have are bad ones.. I just want one memory of a good time so i don't ahve all this on my shoulders for the rest of my life.

The child porn happened when I was 18 and they even listed in the stupid paper that the girl he had pictures of resmebled his own daughter. ugh, gross. He had never done anything like that to me and yes trust that my daughter is very far away from all of this. If anything were to ever happen to her I would physically KILL that person, no matter who they are!

[vashti]

I put that at the end because I figured most people would just read the last remark.

I don't think he can live with himself. He has tried numerous times to apologize to me and even cried because of it all. He attempted to try and make it up by giving me things which in turn I rejected. but I do have a heart and when I think of him I cry. I wish I could have a father I am close with but I don't so I have to live with what has happened but too be honest the reason i try to mend is to be able to have a good memory to remind me of him. All I have are bad ones.. I just want one memory of a good time so i don't ahve all this on my shoulders for the rest of my life.

The child porn happened when I was 18 and they even listed in the stupid paper that the girl he had pictures of resmebled his own daughter. ugh, gross. He had never done anything like that to me and yes trust that my daughter is very far away from all of this. If anything were to ever happen to her I would physically KILL that person, no matter who they are!

His crying is a manipulation tactic. Don't fall for it.

[Rosebud]

Oh yeah..I know. I can spot that stuff a mile away.

I feel horrible for thinking this way, but part of me kinda wants him to go already so I don't have to keep fighting myself over all this. I know that's selfish of me to think that way, but I can't help but feel I will never overcome all this.

[vashti]

You shouldn't feel horrible for feeling that way. His death would probably be the best possible thing he could do for you. I hope he goes soon, too, and I don't feel the least bit bad about feeling that way.

[Rosebud]

Well he just found out he now has prostate cancer as well (I like to think that's for cheating..IMO) and his heart is slowign down quite a bit. He has two bi pass surgeries but it's not working because his arteries are so flimzy from chemo. He has stents in btu they keep having to remove them and clean them like every month. So to be honest, he doesn't have much longer at all.

[Mish]

I can tell myself it's not my fault.... But I have this compelling, annoying, little thing in my head that keeps saying you haven't tried hard enough with him, but then the other part of me fights that all the time. I have been dealing with all this for several years, part of it was the reason I ended up in rehab at 19.

I think you should stop telling yourself that somehow he's behaviour is your fault and that by putting some extra effort in you can somehow change him or influence him in the right direction. That's way too much unneccesary guilt to put on yourself, guilt without any benefits what so ever.

Accept the fact that he is the way he is and there is nothing in the world you or anyone else can do for him to help him. He walks a lonely road that he choose all by himself. Don't think about what punishments he should have either. As you said, he is going to die a painful and a horrible death and this is the worst punishment anyone can ever have.

Just leave it at that. Sometimes it's good to adopt a point of view of an outsider looking in.

I'm sorry to hear about all this. Don't put too much pressure on yourself over it. You have enough pressure in your life as it is. ..And I think you may need someone to help you relief all of this stress for you