Any advice?

[bbb]

I'm now about to enter a world I've never seen. The dating world! I've been in a relationship for the last 13 years (since I was 15). It has been limping along for the last 4 months or so but finally fell dead on 12/7. I've done all the crying and begging. The sleepless nights and weight loss. Missed days upon days of work and worn out my friends and their patience.
I'm now taking my first step away from all that gloom and doom. A woman has asked me out and I've reluctantly agreed to meet with her.
So I am wondering if there is anything that some of you can share about your experiences in the dating world that may help me along? Dating in itself feels completely foreign to me! I'm a week away from it and I'm nervous. I am of course going to try to just be myself and take it as it comes. Without any expectations.

[cheazypeaz]

advice? go for it...

[MastaPDiddy]

first and foremost...the fact that you have been with soneone for 13 years is going to seem very intimidating to someone who is trying to get to know you. Try not mentioning
that fact but if she asks you point blank how long you you were in your relationship. just tell her.

[funsounds]

*whew* that's a long layoff. i do think thought that if you just be yourself, things will be ok. even if the date goes HORRIBLY, you're taking the right steps. this is probably going to be a step-by-step process of returning to the dating world and single life...

[Bluevetteracer]

Don't talk about your ex at all, just give a vague overview, and move on. Don't pout, salk, or try and tell her how right you are and wrong your ex is.

You date, and future dates will not care one bit about you and your ex. You need to be fresh, new and exciting, not an old worn out pair of smelly shoes.

When talking about your past, places you have been, things you have done, leave your ex out.

An example:

I have been scuba diving in Cancun, the water was great, and I really enjoyed myself.

Don't do this.

Jane (your ex) and I were in Cancun scuba diving, the water was great and we really hade a great time.

Graph this to all your stories. You must learn to create a life where your ex only exists in your memories. This is the hardest part of breaking up, and dating again. Eventually you will have made new memories with your new love and your ex will just be a dusty memories in the back of your mind.

I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend you buy and read the book:

HOW TO SUCCEED WITH WOMEN.

Barnes&Noble should have it.

It will be a life saver and date saver in a case like yours.

Good luck, and read that book.

[clynn]

Definitely try to avoid talking about your ex.

It is actually very, very early for you to consider dating anyone new considering how long you were in your previous relationship.

However, it doesn't hurt either and you might as well start sooner rather than later and I'm sure anything to help take your mind off your previous girl.

Though - I will say this - it may make you hurt even more, as it is unlikely that after so very recently breaking up wtih your former partner, it might seem as though it is impossible to connect with anyone new.

Have fun, enjoy yourself as much as possible.

Try to keep it light and try not to make the date too long.

[vashti]

Lunch is easier to cut short than dinner should things go bad or be too uncomfortable...

I agree with the consensus to not discuss the ex.

Take your own money in case she aggressively puts the move on you, so you can take a cab home.

[xxwildchildxx]

I also agree that mentioning a 13-yr old relationship is going to bring up too many unwanted questions. Get to know her, keep it simple, and then surge ahead

[Bluevetteracer]

Yes, to the above, and:

Keep your first date to a half hour. Don't give yourself enough time to screw it up.

Be general, frank and give an overview of your situation. Then secure a second date.

If she does not know, don't tell her about the length of your last relationship. I mentioned on a date that my last relationship was over 5 years long, and then like a rapid fire machine gun came the questions. She was reluctant to get involved with someone who would drag her out for 5 years. Not that that was my plan, but in her mind, it was a possibility and she ran for the hills.

[Only-virgins]

Yea, I think not talking about your Ex would be the best advice as some are saying here.

[bbb]

Thanx, I will get this book. It's had a funny effect on me, this whole heart break process. I find myself reading books that I would have previously scoffed at, and above all things........seeking out counseling! It's all helped immensely though, and changed my ways of thinking. I am interested in learning and reading more books now than in my previous 29 years. It's especially cool to read books recommended by others, So thanks for the recommendation, and the input. In fact, thanks to all who offer their best.

[artyemi]

wow, thirteen years... that's a long time..

good luck on your date.

[bbb]

wow, thirteen years... that's a long time..

good luck on your date.

Yeah.....the loss has certainly been VERY uncool

[Rosebud]

Oh BBB, don't worry too much. Things will be ok. Although I should mention not to look for someone to necessarily get involved with because you are not completely over your ex and that would be no good for both of you. I say just focus on having a good time and doing things you like and things will be fine.