how ya now the girl ain;t a freeloader

[joe45]

lets say ur going out with a girl lets say so far u been paying for everything-dates-movies, eating out..etc.....waht not, how do u now if this gurl is into u and not just a moocher-freeloader.i mean usually the guy pays for the first few dates and i guess depending on if the girl has a job or old fashioned or not-she chips in her part or we both go mutual-u pay for dinner and i pay for movie-what not.
but in the first few dates the guy pays -so how does one now if the girls a free loader or not-how can u tell-shes into ya or just the freebies. i ain't rich-college student-got mimunum wage job-every dollar i have is like important to me. i don't really want to spend unless i really have to.
coffee dates are great but how many girls are goin meet up with ya just for coffee-and take their time off to do it. also i have no car -so its meet ya there

[Rosebud]

Basically, materialistic people will push you to pay (expect it). Sometimes you can tell by what they wear or if they ahve lots of expensive things or only look for expensive things. Their taste in things will show you. But if your just basing it off the fact of a couple dates and you paid that's really not enough. I mean ask her the types of things she likes, or if you guys go somewhere, even if you have the money when it comes time to pay... ask her if can she help pay. Like if the bill is $20 ask her if she has $5 or $10 because you don't want to break a bill (if you don't) and if she gets offended you'll know she expects you to pay all the time.

[carpflounder]

I can tell, I've been used before, so eh', I guess I just know. During the first few dates I pay for everything and I pick up on her vibe (if she feels shame that I have always paid, if she has expressed a desire to pay in the future, if she has already tried to cover the bill but I got to it first...etc) then she is cool...BUT if she EXPECTS me to pay.....ohhhh that bich better step off, before she gets dumped the **** off.

Good Luck.

[vashti]

I think whoever invites should pay, so if you can't afford (or don't want to afford) to do something, then don't invite her anywhere. Why don't you think up some free things to do? (Bike rides, long walks, frisbee in the park, hikes, beach, study dates, etc.)

[gingerbabe86]

Vashti has great ideas. Not all dates have to be expensive. Bike rides, long walks, a walk along the beach, etc.. are so romantic and don't cost a penny. Rosebud made a good example of how to test if she's a freeloader. Usually u can figure it out on the first date cause girls that are not freeloaders often offer to pay something like drinks or popcorn for the movie, buy the movie tickets since u paid for dinner, chip in for a movie rental night, or pay for her own coffee kinda thing. Transportation wise, u should tell her that u don't have a car or anything right away.. cause some girls have a problem with guys that don't have a ride. I personally don't cause i bus to college anyways but i know there's girls out there that does and they make a big fuss about it too, so just watch out.

[justaguy]

One of my ex-girlfriend's took me bowling on my birthday and invited all her friends..... very cool. Well, cool until the bill came and several didn't pitch in... I ended up paying for about three people after she hinted that I should just take care of it. I took her out to dinner once and blew $200.... and after the dinner she called me cheap. The girl I date now always tries to pay.... I like that she is willing but I don't mind paying when I know I'm not being taken.

[funsounds]

I DON'T PAY FOR SHIT!!!!!! DON'T PAY!!!!!!

i have NEVER paid for a girl on the first SEVERAL dates. this is the muthfukin 21st century. this ain't yo mama's or papa's world. i pay for me and that's it...and am in a serious relationship...have been in previous long term relationships...and have been through playa phases.

once you get past a certain point, then and ONLY then do you start spending a little money here and there...birthdays, holidays, other special occassions. until that time...she betta pay her own damn self. and that's just the way it is.

that how you avoid gold diggas...don't pay for nothin early on...and when you do start payin, don't get all stupid...

[vashti]

Whoa - fun date you must be...

[funsounds]

Whoa - fun date you must be...

i'm not all mean about it like the post. it's all very casual and natural. you can be a gentleman and without paying her way...just like you can be a jerk even though you pay for everything. and a date can be as fun or awful as it can be; who's footing the bill has no bearing on whether the date is fun. all i'm sayin is...don't be a chump...and, seriously, there's no reason to pay for her...especially if she isn't long term relationship potential...i mean, come on, if she's not LTR material why pay? if i want to pay for sex, i'll get myself a friggin high class escort or something...shoot.

i tell this to all my boys...don't pay for her until she's worth something. and she ain't worth shit on the first several dates.

funny story...wanna know who taught me that valuable lesson? my mother! no joke! this must have been late middle school or early high school. she told me to never pay for my date...to not ever get used by a girl or get turned into something pathetic by a girl. my mother is a VERY dominant personality...and a VERY independent woman. brought me up by herself with no dad...came up from LITERALLY no money...to where she's a highly educated professional who always provided for her son (that's me!) and has sent her son to the highest levels of academia to become educated and to find a respectable and well paying job. mission accomplished.

dang...i seriously always go off on a tangent in EVERY thread i post in...i gotta work on that...

[vashti]

i'm not all mean about it like the post. it's all very casual and natural. you can be a gentleman and without paying her way...just like you can be a jerk even though you pay for everything. and a date can be as fun or awful as it can be; who's footing the bill has no bearing on whether the date is fun. all i'm sayin is...don't be a chump...and, seriously, there's no reason to pay for her...especially if she isn't long term relationship potential...i mean, come on, if she's not LTR material why pay? if i want to pay for sex, i'll get myself a friggin high class escort or something...shoot.

i tell this to all my boys...don't pay for her until she's worth something. and she ain't worth shit on the first several dates.

funny story...wanna know who taught me that valuable lesson? my mother! no joke! this must have been late middle school or early high school. she told me to never pay for my date...to not ever get used by a girl or get turned into something pathetic by a girl. my mother is a VERY dominant personality...and a VERY independent woman. brought me up by herself with no dad...came up from LITERALLY no money...to where she's a highly educated professional who always provided for her son (that's me!) and has sent her son to the highest levels of academia to become educated and to find a respectable and well paying job. mission accomplished.

dang...i seriously always go off on a tangent in EVERY thread i post in...i gotta work on that...

With all due respect to your mom, I also grew up in a very large, poor family, and I think it is in extremely bad taste to invite someone out and then make them pay for it, whether it is the male or the female who does the asking. If you cannot or will not fork out any money, then don't invite someone to something that costs, or set limits as to how much you will spend so it is not financially burdensome. It need not cost a lot (nor should it), but if you are too cheap to buy a girl a cup of coffee that you asked her out for, then you ought not be dating.

The fact that your mom attaches such importance to holding on to money is not a surprise to me, by the way. People who grow up poor suffer life-long issues surrounding money. Check out depression-era people. They are generally quite frugal.

[funsounds]

With all due respect to your mom, I also grew up in a very large, poor family, and I think it is in extremely bad taste to invite someone out and then make them pay for it, whether it is the male or the female who does the asking. If you cannot or will not fork out any money, then don't invite someone to something that costs, or set limits as to how much you will spend so it is not financially burdensome. It need not cost a lot (nor should it), but if you are too cheap to buy a girl a cup of coffee that you asked her out for, then you ought not be dating.

The fact that your mom attaches such importance to holding on to money is not a surprise to me, by the way. People who grow up poor suffer life-long issues surrounding money. Check out depression-era people. They are generally quite frugal.

wtf?!?! are we in 1950? what's wrong with going dutch for the first several dates? it's not about being cheap...it's about making sure the girl is worth your time and worth your money. after several dates...if she's someone i wanna keep seeing, then sure...i might pay for a meal or a night out. and of course, as i said above, special occassions allow for some liberal spending if she's a keeper.

i like strong, independent women...if a girl is so prissy or backwards that she won't stand for a guy that doesn't pay the first several dates...then take a hike, get away from me. the truth is, i've met VERY few women that aren't willing to go dutch the first several dates...granted, it might not be their ideal situations, but they'll do it willingly if they think they've found someone interesting enough. i've been the way i am my entire young life...and so far, i've gotten more than enough play when i was on the market.

this is gonna sound awfully egotistical...but i'll say it anyways: listen, i'm not out to prove to any girl that i'm good enough for them...you better convince me that you're good enough for my time and my money and all of me...cuz otherwise, i got a lot more of ya waitin to prove themselves so you can go somewhere else.

one final note...i live in an EXTREMELY liberal community with HIGHLY educated women. you know...if you treat these professional track young ladies like a princess, they'll drop you so fast your head will spin. they'll insist on paying for the both of you on frequent occassion.

addendum: there are some women that will drop a guy if he doesn't pay for it all beginning with the first several dates. in my experience, these girls are USUALLY (not always but usually) gold diggers...OR they are pampered prisses accustomed to getting waited on by desperate guys. in my experience, these are the ONLY women that won't put up with going dutch. otherwise, like i said above, they'll do it...they may not like it...but they'll do it if you intrigue them enough...and they'll do it for long enough to where i can decide if they're worth it for me or not.

[choke choke]

Yeah, I was always taught by my mother that if a man doesn't pay for the date, he isn't really interested in you. Like, it's an ego thing, he should feel like a provider, especially at the beginning. She warns me that if he asks me to pay, he isn't serious, and possibly did not enjoy the date.

I had a friend who was seeing this rich guy for 2 years, he never paid for any of thier dates. We told her he was just using her for when he felt bored. She didn't take our advice and he ended up always saying they were just friends, even though they were spending time together and having sex.

[funsounds]

Yeah, I was always taught by my mother that if a man doesn't pay for the date, he isn't really interested in you. Like, it's an ego thing, he should feel like a provider, especially at the beginning. She warns me that if he asks me to pay, he isn't serious, and possibly did not enjoy the date.

I had a friend who was seeing this rich guy for 2 years, he never paid for any of thier dates. We told her he was just using her for when he felt bored. She didn't take our advice and he ended up always saying they were just friends, even though they were spending time together and having sex.

"he should feel like a provider, especially at the beginning"?!?!?! see, that's ridiculous. what are we...hunters and gatherers? i ain't providing for you until i deem you worth providing for.

your friend is an idiot. if the dudes still not paying after several dates...if the dudes not paying while he's been ****ing you...if the dude says you're just friends...then you're just getting played. it's up to you if you wanna continue getting played or not...but realize that you ARE getting played.

[vashti]

wtf?!?! are we in 1950? .

No - it is simply good manners. As I said, if a girl asks, she ought to pay.

[funsounds]

No - it is simply good manners. As I said, if a girl asks, she ought to pay.

why? girls have asked me...never expected them to pay. few times they tried, but i insisted we go dutch. but lots of times, it just went dutch without having to figure it out or having her try to pay for both of us. fine by me...that's the way i like it when starting out...