How do I get her trust back?

[nano]

Ok, I've messed up big time.

Basically, my gf of 14months was receiving text messages from some guy she worked with. I wasn't happy about it cuz I didn't know anything about him. I find it hard to trust girls because I've been cheated on several times - never by this gf though.

So, after I found out about him texting her (even though she'd told him that she didn't really want him to) I got his number from her phone and rang him. I told him to stop.

This wasn't the best thing to do. I spoke to my gf when we got home and she reassured me that everything was ok, that he wasn't a threat. I believed her, but it was too late, I'd already phoned him.

Next thing I know, she's back on the phone to me asking me what the hell I rang him for. I denied it. That was the biggest mistake ever. She knew I'd done it. I emailed her later that evening admitting that I did ring him and explained to her, as best I could, why I did it.

She hasn't spoken to me for 4 days now, she avoids me when she sees me and it's horrible. I've asked her to talk to me about it but she won't. We've got exams coming up so they're more important, but I'm worried that the longer we leave it, the worse it'll get.

I can understand why she hates me, I hate myself atm. I went behind her back to get her phone, was overprotective by ringing him, and lied about doing it. No wonder she doesn't trust me. But I only did it because I love her. I just don't want to lose her.

What should I do? How do I go about getting her to talk to me again? Her not talking to me is the worst punishment ever. If I were to lose her, my heart would be useless.

Please help.

[funsounds]

man o man...that's a pretty impressive **** up! LOL

alright...first things first: what did you learn from this experience? don't go through your girls phone...don't phone someone behind her back...and don't lie about it afterwards. the bottom line in this is...don't be so insecure, and if you do have a wave of insecurity pass over you then dont let the crazy come out and get you in a mess like this. instead, keep the crazy inside...or have a civil talk to try to allay your fears.

as for what to do now? NOTHING! do not continue to try to contact her constantly if that is what you've been doing. instead, concentrate on your finals or whatever. give her some time.

there's no guarantee she'll take you back...but you'll probably drive her away if you harrass her too much...so give her some space to cool off...try calling her when exams are over...

[nano]

man o man...that's a pretty impressive **** up! LOL

alright...first things first: what did you learn from this experience? don't go through your girls phone...don't phone someone behind her back...and don't lie about it afterwards. the bottom line in this is...don't be so insecure, and if you do have a wave of insecurity pass over you then dont let the crazy come out and get you in a mess like this. instead, keep the crazy inside...or have a civil talk to try to allay your fears.

as for what to do now? NOTHING! do not continue to try to contact her constantly if that is what you've been doing. instead, concentrate on your finals or whatever. give her some time.

there's no guarantee she'll take you back...but you'll probably drive her away if you harrass her too much...so give her some space to cool off...try calling her when exams are over...

That's what I've been doing. She's told me that she doesnt want to speak to me until after exams. I can wait, but not talking to her feels so foreign to me since we've been the happiest people in the world for 14 months. It is the punishment I deserve, and I hope she's just punishing me to make me learn not to do it again - which I most definately WON'T. Sometimes I think the best way to learn is from your mistakes, and i've learnt so much from this one.

[Illusional]

well there is one thing that i feel that was ingored by both people and that is the trust factor. the one thing that she didn't realize was that by being honest with you did make you feel uncomfortable. it was the better option of the two, however she should've told you more about him and maybe that you were the only guy for her. maybe that way you wouldn't have gotten so jealous.

well what's done is done. i dunno what your gf wants to do about this, however, she feels that the trust is gone. invading her personal space is something that anyone wouldn't take too lightly, as would you. give her time and maybe she'll see things from your eyes. talk to her and try to convince her otherwise, and if that doesn't work, then move on because she won't forgive you.

raverboy

[misombra]

how dare you come between her and the guy who's picking up on her, geez. what kind of crappy boyfriend are you?

lol jk.

i don't think it's that bad. if she wasn't interested in him she wouldn't have been so upset. sorry.

[Illusional]

i second that thought. if she was only her co-worker then she should be able to shrug it off like nothing, UNLESS, she had other intensions.

raverboy

[Cybog]

Personally I find HER to be the one with problems. WHAT THE **** is she doing getting text messages from some other dude??

Imagine how she would have felt if YOU were the one getting text messages from some other broad. Would she have been ok with that?

Hell no.

Stop blaming yourself for gods sake. Don't even talk to her for a few days and see what happens. If she calls you, then she wants to mend things. If she doesn't - Good riddance. You don't need a trifling-ass broad in your life anyhow.

[Late_vamp]

i was just going to post something like that , until i read sombra's and cybog's posts .

i agree with them , if shes so upset over this its because you probably screwed up her "game" for her , now she must be like " shit , it wont be easy now that he knows that i have a BF , now what can i do in order to start talking to him again?"

she probably isnt talking to you know because shes most probably telling the guy "see , i broke up with him , he hasnt been around for days ..."

then if things dont go for her and the other dickhead (well put youself in his shoes , how could he know UNLESS she told him , well you let him know , APPLAUS)

thats why she said "after the exams" ... that gives her time for her to see if the other is good for her , if not your her backup .

i could think of SOOO many things , heh , i havent got cheated yet ( no really ) and everytime one of my "gfs" ever did something "funky" i was always 2 steps ahead of them , getting them in their web of lies . even if they did not cheat they still lied , and i busted their asses , i have like some BS detector in my head . :

[funsounds]

hmmm...

if my girl secretly went through my phone and found a text message...then she secretly got the number of the person texting me...secretly called this person up...secretly told this person off...and then LIED TO ME ABOUT DOING THAT?!?!?!?!?! i'd be pissed...

i don't care if the person i was texting was my mother! that's just way too much insecurity...that behavior also smacks of a needy, controlling person...and that's just WAY TOO deceiving and lying and conniving. it shows ZERO trust in the relationship.

i'd be mad...i can't blame the girl. the the original poster SHOULD take away something from this...that's it's NOT ok to do the things he did. don't give the dude a free pass...

[misombra]

that's true, he should have told her first. but i think in the midst of the pain that comes with the prospect of an s.o. cheating, people always want to look at the person they're cheating WITH rather than the cheater.

[vashti]

I think it was a horrible breach of her privacy, and I would dump your ass flat. You don't own this girl, and whether she was cheating or not (and I see no evidence that she was), you had absolutely no right to be calling up this guy. If you don't trust her, you should break up with her. And no, I wouldn't be upset if my husband got text messages from a woman because I TRUST him, and even if I didn't, how is acting like an insecure teenager going to repair the problem?

I think your remorse is well-deserved, and I guess the only thing you can do is apologize and hope she will forgive you.

[nano]

Perhaps i need to clear things up. My explaination of events may not have been very clear. This guy knew she was with me, she'd told him, yet he still text her, insinuating conversations about absolutely nothing.

Also, she'd told him that even though he had her number, she didn't want him texting her randomly. She didn't even reply most of the time. You'd think he'd have got the message.

I did trust her. I know it looks like I didn't but I did. I just didn't trust him.

That's why I rang him, to get him stop. It's major disrespect when a guy goes after a girl even though he knows she's happy with her bf. I felt I needed to ring him, she'd tried to get him to not text her, but he hadn't stoppped, so i wanted to stop him.

Now I know I should not have lied, but when someone's interrogating you it's easy just to deny things. I know I shouldn't have done it but I can't change that. Lies can't be changed or righted, they have to be accepted and forgiven. I know I will never do this again.

[funsounds]

Perhaps i need to clear things up. My explaination of events may not have been very clear. This guy knew she was with me, she'd told him, yet he still text her, insinuating conversations about absolutely nothing he'd have got the message.
.

Also, she'd told him that even though he had her number, she didn't want him texting her randomly. She didn't even reply most of the time. You'd think
I did trust her. I know it looks like I didn't but I did. I just didn't trust him.

That's why I rang him, to get him stop. It's major disrespect when a guy goes after a girl even though he knows she's happy with her bf. I felt I needed to ring him, she'd tried to get him to not text her, but he hadn't stoppped, so i wanted to stop him.

Now I know I should not have lied, but when someone's interrogating you it's easy just to deny things. I know I shouldn't have done it but I can't change that. Lies can't be changed or righted, they have to be accepted and forgiven. I know I will never do this again.

no dude...sugar coat this any way you want, but there's something here beyond not trusting the other guy. you have insecurities...or trust issues...or control issues...all of which are often times intertwined.

do you know how many guys i'd have to call up, beat up, or otherwise deter if i wanted to keep them away from my gf? it'd be crazy. all the guys that wanted her before she got with me...they still want her and are just waiting for me to mess up. they call her...they text her...they email her...the IM her...they try to hang out with her...they try to flirt with her...one of them even tried to make a move on her. they ALL try to keep in contact with her. NONE of them can take hint, as she flatly rejects ALL their advances. and when we go to the club or bar? i leave her side for one minute and some guys trying to rub up on her...or get her number...or whatever. god forbid i stray to far from her on the dance floor...cuz a dudes humping her leg within seconds. and when she goes out with her girl friends...OMG...judging by what her friends say and what she tells me...it's MUCH worse when i'm not with her (big surprise).

do i trust any one of those guys, those snakes in the grass trying to pounce on my girl if they get the chance? HELL NO!!!!!!! am i gonna go behind her back and try to fend them all off? of course not! why not? cuz i completely put my trust in her. she has never done anything to betray my trust in the slightest...and i trust her very simply and very truly. i don't get jealous...because i have no reason to be. i don't feel insecure because she makes me feel secure despite the snakes all around.

if you can't trust your girl...that means there either something wrong with you, something wrong with her, or something wrong with the both of you. and you gotta deal with that sort of stuff head on.

[nano]

That's exactly how I want to be. I want to be in the position where I'm not jealous, and, although I don't trust other guys, I still don't worry because I know my girl is with me. And these guys can try as hard as they want to change things, but they can't because I know she wants to be with me.