My guy is sleeping with someone else - Help please!

[Daniela06]

I've been dating this guy for 2 months. I went on a 4 week trip a month after we met and I came back yesterday. All the time I assumed we are exclusive cause before I left I asked him if he's dating other people and he said no and also that he doesn't want me to go out with someone else while I'm gone. I know it wasn't a real exclusive talk (it was just too soon for that back then) but from what he said I assumed we were. While I was gone he told me how much he misses me and that he can't wait to see me again. So I came back yesterday. He asked me if I want to stay at his place and I did and we slept together (we also slept together before I left). He told me how happy he is that I'm back and he made plans what we're going to do in the near future.

So this morning he left early, said goodbye to me very sweetly and went to work. I slept in and now I'm alone here. Well, I just wanted to throw something into the trash in his room when I saw a greeting card with a picture in it lying pretty much open on top of everything. I saw it was him with a girl so I just had to take a look at it. This girl tells him something like "let's get under the covers" and what a great time they had the last weekend and that she can't wait to see him again. She also said Merry Xmas so she sent that card after I left. There also was an envelope (looks like it was from that greeting card) with used condoms in it. It made me feel so sick when I saw that.

I'm totally devastated right now. He told me to call him later today but my first thought was to get my stuff, get out of here and never call him again or return his calls.

Maybe he didn't think we were exclusive yet so he wanted to have some fun before I came back but what about that stuff he told me about not wanting me to go out with someone else? He also said he knows that he has no right to ask me not to out with someone else so he won't try to and that he recommends we figure it out when I get back (the exclusive talk?). So does it look like he didn't think we're exclusive yet?

What should I do now? I'm so disappointed because I already like him so much and he always seemed like he was serious about us. Should I just leave and never talk to him again or should I ask him if we're exclusive? I can't mention that I found sth in his trash, can I? On the other hand I have a right to know since we're sleeping together and it's a health issue.

Thanks

[TAVS]

You hot played. Sorry hon.

[Only-virgins]

Were does he live? I am sending over the Boondock saints.

[carpflounder]

His "garbage" is not garbage until it hits the street then it is considered "abandoned"-and he has no expectation of privacy.

You snooped. All that you know-you wouldn't know....If you hadn't snooped. You have no place to make these bare allegations.

[Tone]

His "garbage" is not garbage until it hits the street then it is considered "abandoned"-and he has no expectation of privacy.

You snooped. All that you know-you wouldn't know....If you hadn't snooped. You have no place to make these bare allegations.

Hi Daniela.

The above advice is coming from a guy who not only cheats on his g/f's - but believes it is his right to do so.

Just letting you know.

I agree with TAVS... this guy set you up. He did the whole "I don't want you to date anyone.. but I understand if you do" so that you're all excited he wants to be serious with you and knowing after that YOU WON'T see anyone.. but then also left it open to "But we'll have to talk more about it when you get back.." so that *IF* you did find out (which you did) he can pull the "Well we didn't decide anything, we said we'd talk about it when you came back."

You got played, you're being played. If he liked you as much as he claimed - he would not have slept with ANY girl while you were away - PERIOD. Bottom line. You deserve better.

[vashti]

Get rid of him, and be careful about sleeping with guys so quickly. It helps to weed out the losers.

[Only-virgins]

His "garbage" is not garbage until it hits the street then it is considered "abandoned"-and he has no expectation of privacy.

You snooped. All that you know-you wouldn't know....If you hadn't snooped. You have no place to make these bare allegations.

This is the stupidest thing I have ever read but you know what?, If he has the right to lie then she has the right to snoop. Too bad for that loser, he left the card right on the table for her to see, either way, lying is something scum do.

[Hugo Pickle]

You said you were dating. What the hell. Why are you upset that he is seeing other people? Did you make it clear before you slept with him that you wanted to be an exclusive? No. You only dated for 2 months. You don't live together and you even admitted that you haven't had "The Talk."

So now you’re going to totally blame this guy for "cheating on you" when you’re not married. Sorry sweet heart, but in order to commit infidelity, you must be married. You slept with him. Now you’re upset because you’re not the only one. Get over it. If you wanted to be exclusive with him you should have told him so, instead of pulling this vague crap of not explaining yourself and then just assuming.

You always date multiple people until you both want to be "together." Women do this all the time and now your upset because a guy is doing the same thing. Well you should have been more clear about things.

[Only-virgins]

You don't need no more advice, just leave the guy. The end.

YYou always date multiple people until you both want to be "together."

Dating IS being together. What planet are you from?, and from what I read he didnt want her to do anything with anyone else...but he can?..bull shit...dont blame her.

[Bluevetteracer]

True, snooping in his garbage is bad form, but it was on top??

But I am sure the card was not open???


In any event, he is a bad player, he should have torn the card up, and placed it in an orange juice carton.

I would confront him, and ask about it. Just to make sure there is not huge misunderstanding.

If he touches his face, looks away, rubs his nose, etc when you question him, he is probably fibbing?

Remember, the truth is not far behind a lie. People don't lie by nature, they are not prone to it, so they "modify the truth" to be appealing to you.

Just do some digging, it will fester.

[Hugo Pickle]

All the time I assumed we are exclusive cause before I left I asked him if he's dating other people and he said no and also that he doesn't want me to go out with someone else while I'm gone. I know it wasn't a real exclusive talk (it was just too soon for that back then) but from what he said I assumed we were

The key part of this is you saying, “I know it wasn't a real exclusive talk (it was just too soon for that back then.” What I bet is that you played hard to get and did not come out and say that you wanted to be exclusive. I bet that you played coy and just tried to get out of him what you wanted to hear without stating what you really wanted. Women do this all the time. They just try to get you say what you want and never say what they want. The women are left assuming the state of things and the guy is left feeling like she doesn’t want to commit.

Maybe he didn't think we were exclusive yet so he wanted to have some fun before I came back

You think? Of course I bet you never told him how you really felt and wanted out of the relationship before you left. That’s why you assumed that he wasn’t going to see anyone. But I bet you were not clear about you not wanting him to see other people.

but what about that stuff he told me about not wanting me to go out with someone else?

Of course… but if you had reciprocated and had this talk before you left then maybe he would not have seen anyone else.

He also said he knows that he has no right to ask me not to out with someone else so he won't try to and that he recommends we figure it out when I get back (the exclusive talk?). So does it look like he didn't think we're exclusive yet?

Obviously, as you mentioned, you have not had this talk before despite all your assumptions. Next time you try to have this conversation don’t play coy and simply state your intentions. Tell him what you want out of the relationship. Then maybe you will not be left assuming things and then getting upset when you are wrong.

[Only-virgins]

Seems like people are bringing ethics into this now? What makes lying about cheating any better then snooping? He can cheat? she can snoop. Go ahead, look through his shit, what is he going to do about ? about as much as you can about his cheating and thats leave.

[jaslovesant]

I've been played loads of times! The men act so nice, and you feel so comfortable with them, as soon as they have had a little fun with ya they're off...Of course I learnt my lesson since then. Ignore them. They are bastards.

[Asip4u]

Daniela, did you never see this coming? So many times it's just that obvious.

[funsounds]

dump him...and get even...

i think you have to have sex with the same girl he did...