Is my girlfriend a compulsive liar? Help- Tips- Anyone?

[bmxer145]

Well I've been dating this girl for around eight months or so now, I am head over heels for her. I love her with all my heart and would seriously do anything for her. I've been noticing as of late that she lies about everything, to the point where it just snowballs into some big huge obvious lie. Here are a few examples:

When we first met, she told me that she was a Virgin. A few months down the road we started getting intimate with each other and we had sex. I instantly discovered that she was not a virgin (well she didnt bleed or anything so i gave her the benefit of the doubt seeing as some women dont bleed their first time.) Also some guy would call her often and such and she would say it was her "cousin" etc etc, she'd talk to him in front of me and stuff like that, i thought it was her "cousin". A few weeks down the road i find that it's her ex-boyfriend and that she lost her virginity to him etc etc. I was deeply hurt.


My girlfriend got a credit card recently, with a generous credit limit. I told her she should only use it for emergencies and stuff etc etc. She said "you're right" and gave it to me for safe keeping. About a week or two later, she says,"my mom doesnt feel secure with you haveing my credit card etc etc" and so she asks for it back...I willingly gave it to her, its her card and i thought she was really giving it to her parents. About a week or so i found out that she owes about $500 on it. Mind you she doesnt have a job.She got a bunch of new clothes and other stuff for her birthday and said that her mom had given her the money for it. I know for a fact that her mom didnt, seeing as her family is going through tough times at the moment. So I asked her about her card and stuff and if she'd been using it just to test her out, she replies "I only owe about thirty five dollars, I put gas in my car and got food and such" Yet another Blatant lie.


My girlfriend still talks to her ex boyfriend, He lives in california, and we live in texas. A few Days before christmas, i was getting her some ringtones for her phone and glanced at her text messages. Just being a little curious. Anyways, there was a text from her ex saying that he got her a cd for christmas and that he was mailing it to her and stuff. No big deal. A few days after christmas, she gets the package i already knew about. When she got it out of the mailbox she tried to hide it and stuff, I went to work, then afterwards i stopped by her house for a little while. SHe was listening to the cd her got her. I was like wow awesome cd cause it's one of my favorite bands. So i asked her who got it for her and she said "Oh my parents got it for me at target, my dad had such a hard time finding it, and i cant believe they got it etc etc" about twenty minutes later i confronted her about it and told her i knew about it all along. She said she didnt want to hurt my feelings or make me jealous. I could seriously have cared less about the cd or who gave it to her, just the fact that she made up such an extreme story really got to me. Another Blatant lie.....



i could go on and on with examples.

As of late i've been catching her in lies quite often. Ill ask her about something in her stories that doesnt and up and she quickly gets defensive, and tries to make it seem like im the one who doesnt understand. Like im the bad guy. When this happens she's quick to jump to the conclusion that "she's not good enough for me" and "that she just hurts me" and that i "should find a better girl" She's a terrible liar. I think its almost to the point where she believes her own lies or doesnt know that she's lieing. In the lies that i've caught her in and confronter her she says she's done it because she doesnt want to hurt me, or make me mad. I've told her that her lies only make things worse....... I really dont know what to do. I really love this girl, She's an amazing person. But i find myself trusting her less and less and I find it hard to believe things that she says most of the time. Im not the jealous type, and i do everything i can to make her happy, but sometimes i just feel lost and unsure about our relationship, mainly due to her constant untruthfulness.I would love to be with this girl for the rest of my life, but i really dont know what to say or do. I dont want to live a lie and i dont want to lie to myself anymore.... what should i do?
.....

*edit* I don't want to break up with her, she's told me quite a few times that if she cant be with me that she doesnt deserve to live etc etc .
she told me that "she'd kill herself just to prove how much she loves me"
This is such a scary thought, i almost cannot fathom it.

I seriously dont know what to do ...

suggestions anyone?

[meh]

Hey,

I've never been with someone to lie to me, I've had that much luck.

But from what you tell me, I have the feeling that for some reason she really does think she isn't good enough for you or that she doesn't make you happy. You said in your post you told her that "it only makes things worse". Is that the sort of stuff you tell her? Do you tell her how much you love her? How you want to spend your life with her? How she makes you happy? Of course you might be telling her all this and might just be too insecure to remember it all the time, but I have the feeling you need to reassure her more. Talk to her about it, tell her to just always tell you the truth because whatever it is it's nothing you can't work out, so long as she is truthful.

Regards.

[bmxer145]

Hey,

I've never been with someone to lie to me, I've had that much luck.

But from what you tell me, I have the feeling that for some reason she really does think she isn't good enough for you or that she doesn't make you happy. You said in your post you told her that "it only makes things worse". Is that the sort of stuff you tell her? Do you tell her how much you love her? How you want to spend your life with her? How she makes you happy? Of course you might be telling her all this and might just be too insecure to remember it all the time, but I have the feeling you need to reassure her more. Talk to her about it, tell her to just always tell you the truth because whatever it is it's nothing you can't work out, so long as she is truthful.

Regards.

I'm the hopeless romantic type. I'll take her flowers at school .I try and plan out romantic evenings, even if we dont go anywhere. I write her cute poems and text message them to her, or put them in her car so she'll find them. I call her as soon as i get home from her house.I try and be the best boyfriend that i possibly can. She knows that I love her. She thinks that "I'm too good to be true", her last boyfriend was a dick to her and was extremely possesive... Im with her because i love her for her, I truly love this girl with all my heart and she knows it..... I've cried to her before...

[meh]

Well if she knows how you feel about her and how happy she makes you, then you seriously need to sit down and talk to her about it. The reason for her lying is her low self-esteem (you said she has no job - is she in school? otherwise why doesn't she have a job?), the fact that she's had a dick of a boyfriend and as far as I can tell from what you said, she doesn't have a great deal of money either.

Like I said, really talk to her about it and make it a point how important this is to you - be careful though not to make it sound like this is something you'd break up with her over, that'll drive her into the "not good enough for you" mentality even more. If it turns out that it's an urge she cannot control, then you might try seeing some professional help, but she has to want to stop it before then.

You won't get answer that's going to fix everything on a forum, the only way you'll fix it is by bringing it up with her.

Hope I helped a bit.

[gHEXjt]

First of all, people who lie all the time like that, usually do it for their entire lives. So if you stay w/this girl, odds are she will be pulling this shit for your entire life.

That said, you CANNOT stay w/someone because they threaten to "kill themselves" if you leave them. You can't sacrifice your own happiness just to ensure someone elses, in cases like this you have to do what is best for you. Because 999,999/1,000,000 times, the person who says that kind of shit is lying, and that other 1, was probably too unstable for a person to be w/anyway. How will you feel when you're married and she racks up ridiculous credit card bills on you when you don't have the cash?...and then lies about it?

[meh]

First of all, people who lie all the time like that, usually do it for their entire lives. So if you stay w/this girl, odds are she will be pulling this shit for your entire life.

That said, you CANNOT stay w/someone because they threaten to "kill themselves" if you leave them. You can't sacrifice your own happiness just to ensure someone elses, in cases like this you have to do what is best for you. Because 999,999/1,000,000 times, the person who says that kind of shit is lying, and that other 1, was probably too unstable for a person to be w/anyway. How will you feel when you're married and she racks up ridiculous credit card bills on you when you don't have the cash?...and then lies about it?

If he loves this woman, and he says he does, then he's going to look for a way to solve the situation rather than leaving her altogether because she says she's going to kill herself or because she has issues.

[gHEXjt]

Issues? These will be more than just "issues" when they're older and she's got stuff that's actually important to worry about. But I just gave my opinion, it's up to him as to whether or not he accepts it.

[misombra]

how old is she? she sounds young and insecure. i saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...

dump her.
________

[shh!]

She talks about killing herself as a way to emotionally manipulate you. Dump her and tell her to get herself a good therapist. She sounds like a pain in the ass.

[Debunkt]

She's manipulating you... big time. She knows it too, so don't be so naive. You say she TRIES to make you feel like the bad guy, but she's already done more than try. You already feel bad for something you haven't done (ie breaking up with her), and she knows that as long as she holds you in that place she's going to keep being able to get away with more and more (and possibly worse) lies. If you realize this attribute about her, you are really going to have to take some time to realize if you really do love her. She sounds very immature, and lying is one of the biggest obstacles there is when brought into a relationship.

[Pears]

I don't want to break up with her, she's told me quite a few times that if she cant be with me that she doesnt deserve to live etc etc .
she told me that "she'd kill herself just to prove how much she loves me"
This is such a scary thought, i almost cannot fathom it.

Don't feel that you are obligated to be with her because she said that she would "kill herself just to prove how much" she loves you. You said that she is a liar, so you can't even be sure of that.

I agree with Debunkt that she is manipulating you. She wants you to think certain ways so she will lie her way through. It is unhealthy to be in a relationship without trust.

I know it is scary to leave someone who says she would kill herself if you did, but you deserve a truthful relationship which she is not giving you. I knew someone who said he'd kill himself if I wouldn't be with him and it was very scary, but I stood my ground and made it clear that I would never be with him.