internet dating

[leight69]

Anyone have any experience with internet dating? I tried it a couple times...it was a total bust the few times I did, the girls totally portrayed themsevles differently online, then when we met....boom they were fat and/or bitchy and/or looking to forget about another guy.....something totally different then what i expected.

Anybody have any tips for trying online dating? things to ask? do? ...etc. Especially for a first actual meeting?

[LINEBACKER _2]

I've heard some really awesome success stories, and then I've heard exactly what you are telling us. When you met them they turned out to be completely different... But completely different from what? You've never met them before!

You can only get to know someone so much on the net. Through email, telephone, whatever. The real test is when you meet them for the first time.

As for them turning out totally physically different from what you had expected, or from what you were told.. **** I don't know why anyone would do that. It's like telling you I'm a 120 pound Blonde bombshell and then when you meet me I'm a 200 pound blonde bombshell.

No point in lying when you're going to meet them. Honesty is important.

As for being bitchy, you really can't gauge a persons personality really well on the net. Afterall, you haven't spend any significant time with them to see.

So, for the first time you meet the person, hold no barriers up, because it is the first time you've met and if it works, that's fantastic.

As for what to ask the person, ask them what you'd ask someone face to face if you were considering dating them. Probe them, find out about their past, their likes, their dislikes, everything!

Are you considering someone Leigh69?

LINEBACKER 2

[jane]

It is know surpize to some that LINEBACKER_2 and I have something. We met right here. I have seen what he looks like but he has no idea what I do. The thing is that I am apprehensive about sending a picture not because I am ugly because I'm not. But because I love the idea of when we meet for the first time I can see his reation to me first hand. We have talked about everything. I mean everything. I know he has nothing to hide from me just as I have nothing to hide from him.
I have never met anyone like this before and I am sure not going to say that it was a waste of time. We fit. We have a mutitude of things in common as well as a special bond that we built right here.

LIFE IS TOO SHORT! Make the most out of the time you have.

[leight69]

Yeah I am, I have a number of negative preconceptions of meeting online...and my exeperience has been a bust so far (2 dates so far) but they were sooooooo bad, that it just didnt work for me...so I'm wondering if there is anything I could do to "screen" better...to see if we'd actually be compatable...

Yes I just started talking to someone the other day...and so far the person seems like the type of girl I would like to get set up with. (from our few convo's....a number of things came out without me prompting them...just "things" about her...like interests, and ethnic similarities...this was inadvertantly discovery)

I'm just wondering how best to go about it, and if there are any good stories...good tricks...things to look for...etc.

[jane]

I can't speak for LINEBACKER_2 but, I htink that we just started to talk. Really talk about everything. See the beauty of the internet is that you can really be yourself and say exactly what you feel. You have nothing ot lose and alot to gain.

We hit of because we have almost everything in common, You need to talk about your interests and hobbies and stuff like that. Express the true you. Yaknow?

[leight69]

yup i totally know!

we chatted for a long time tonight! we seem to have alot in common! and are still on the "chat" phase.....but i think well probably meet up sometime soon.......after a little bit more talking...hehe.

this seems like it could be successful...but who knows i dont wanna jinx it!

[jane]

Good Luck and take it slow. The funny thing is that Linebacker_2 and I have made plans to meet each other. I am a littel afraid but then again, Ican't wait to meet him in person.

[LINEBACKER _2]

What I wouldn't give to be that Linebacker_2 guy

I think on my end, it's not the fact that I'm afraid to meet Jane, it's more of a nervous feeling. Something that I'm sure will vanish within 2 minutes of finally seeing her. Maybe even nervous is the wrong word... I mean, I'm really excited and anxious.

It can't happen soon enough.

But, in order for these things to work, you really, really have to be honest with her and yourself. If you lie to her, your lying to yourself and that means you're not serious about it.

I've been honest to Jane about everything in my life. She knows it all. No point in hiding things.

When I came to this site, I wasn't looking. It just happened that I found her. Things have just progressed - for the best.

LINEBACKER 2

[jane]

so leight? how is everythign going? Are you still chatting with her?

[veedive]

This is interesting and confusing at the same time. My take on this for what it is worth that when you chat to some one line you have no reason to lie and so yes, you do say alot about yourself. You can strike up a good relationship on line and the longer it goes on the more you can reveal.

But is that a good thing if you intend to meet? Of course it is you say, but for me it would leave nothing to find out or chat about in any further debth if you do 'get it together'.

I think that a relationship needs an air of mystery so that each partner can discover new things about each other as they grow together rather than have the whole picture thrown at them in advance.

But certainly in an online text chatting medium, it is far easier to be revealing and open up than face to face.

So swings and roundabout I guess.

Vee

[sfalexi]

Internate allows you to be truer to your feelings. It's easier to say things about yourself when you don't have to sit there and face the person. And worry about trying to read the person's facial expressions when you tell them something. My breakdown is this . . .

Internet = Least personal form of communication, but also the least judgemental.
Phone = medium.
Face to Face = most personal, but also high risk of judgment from other person.

You're right that you have no reason to lie, but let's say you do. Let's say I said I was 6'4". For no reason whatsoever but only because I was bored. I portrayed myself as that in obscure ways (as in telling you how I was rearranging furniture the other day on my own, moving couches here and there and everywhere. In a box, on a train, man was it a great big pain!) You have no idea that I'm lying.

You ever see that episode of Ally McBeal? There's a lawsuit where two people had fallen in love over the internet, and they made plans to marry, bought each other rings, sent them to one another and met at a chapel. Turns out the guy was a midget. The woman didn't know (having never inquired but falling in love with the person, not the image) and sues to get her ring back. A heartbreaker, but it's an example of something that could go wrong. Now I know the chances of someone being a midget is low, but what if there's something else that is unappealing?

While I do agree that the most important part of a relationship is how two people feel about each other and get along, I myself know that I would never be able to date certain people. I'm sorry, but I would never date someone extremely overweight. I go through pains to stay physically fit and wouldn't be able to respect my partner if they didn't make efforts themselves. it may sound shallow, but everyone has a pet peeve. Mine happens to be this.

So I personally wouldn't try internet dating. Or if I did, I would never EVER let it go too serious "on the web" and would try to meet the person very soon after I realize that this person "intrigues" me. Some people may type like a genius, but speak in a very crude slang. For all you know, I could curse up a storm once I'm off the web, but I retain myself for fear of a child reading my posts and me influencing them.

So be careful if anyone decides to go this route . . . .

Alexi

[jane]

I guess I understand what you are saying but I try and be optimistic about the whole thing. I don't think iam being lied to but your right you don't know.

I guess over time you either build a repore with that person and feel that you trust them or you don't .
Meeting is a interesting subject. I am looking forward to meeting LINEBACKER_2 but I guess I feel like I am venturing into one of those stalker stories.. LIke is he who i think he is ...

That's my lack of trust and has nothing to do with him. I have been through alot in my life and it's hard to trust sometimes.

But isn't that what is all about? Trust?

[sfalexi]

Well, I'm a skeptic. I did try it, but never could get together with anyone cause of the stupid school I went to that didn't allow you to leave. What a pain in the ass. So I never actually used it to the fullest. If you decide to go that route, good luck with you. I know success stories, and I know failures. So it all just depends. . .

Alexi

[jane]

Good point. I guess it depends on the situation too. I know it can be a scary proposition. You could be talking to anyone ya know?

[LINEBACKER _2]

You have absolutely nothing if you don't have trust. The internet provides a difficult arena for trusting people. I feel I can trust Jane, she has never - as far as I know - given me a reason not to trust her.

I can understand and respect her position on it, for sure.

I can see if you met the person and he or she totally lied to you, screwed you over or whatever, then yes the relationship is over and you won't trust them.

However, if you meet the person and you find out that he/she was totally honest, then the trust issue is no longer an issue.

LINEBACKER 2