The poker face friendship.

[heixing]

Yes it's another "does she like me" thread. More specifically "does she like as more than a friend". I'm gonna do a quick rundown of points here so as not to waste your time.

We've known eachother for about 3 months. We very easily and casually started hanging out (going to dinner and parks, things like that).

This girl (23 y.o. woman I should say) is a very independant, forthright, assertive type girl. In many ways she's a guy's girl. You know, the ones that skateboards, watches porn and freely discusses it. But she has a femenine side as well. She's not butch.

So anyway we're really cool together and all. We talk on the phone for hours about absolutely nothing. We never flirt or discuss anything even remotely romantic in nature. But ironically she'll go on about masturbation and voyeurism (crazy I know).

The thing is I can't figure out why she'd want to hang out so much. Sure I'm an interesting guy, but not THAT interesting. I mean she just calls and wants to hang out all the time which I really like, but it confuses me. I would think that this much attention would signal a romantic interest, though I have yet to see any real signs that this might be the case. She's an odd girl, and I'm an odd guy. I have to admit I haven't given any signals myself probably since I'm so emotionally guarded.

Sometimes it feels like we're both two very professional poker players who don't give any tells, and that we're convincing ourselves that the other doesn't have a decent hand and therefore there isn't anything TO tell.

Know what I mean? Please help.

[misombra]

sorry man, you'll have to ask her for yourself. if you do want to be something more than friends then you'll have to let go of the guard and give off some signals pronto.

[Prodigal]

I agree with misombra. I'll go off the poker analogy. If she doesn't give off any tells, if you're convinced she has a decent hand, then you just have to base your decision off your own hand.

In other words, how do YOU feel? Do you like her enough to put it out there and maybe risk changing things a little? I know that these situations can be like poker, but they have one major difference. If you lay your hand down in poker, it's not the end of the day. But if you always 'fold your hands' in these situations, you won't ever win. And it will be the end of the day because later on, after the hand has ended, you'll wonder if maybe things would have worked out.

[toohot4pants]

alright...from MY experience...EVERY TIME some girl was THAT into me, where she's calling to hang out all the time, calling and talking for hours, etc...no matter if there are any tells or not, she wants me. eventually it's come out that she wants me bad.

it may not be that way in every situations...but based on my experiences, if i had to put money down on it...i'd bet she wants you and she wants you bad at this point. so if you're interested in her...she's there for the taking...

[clynn]

Yah, ante up, buddy.

Actually take her out on a date. You're the guy, even if she is kinda a strong woman.....so ask her out on a date....that'll take things out of your normal friendship realm.

You don't even have to come out and ask her "Do you like me? Cuz I like you?" At least not right away.

Just start behaving more like a guy who is "courting" this girl instead of as her buddy. So, start by asking her out for a traditional style date, and pay for it. Then do something romantic afterwards like go for a walk along the water. Compliment her feminine features.

You don't have to show all your cards at once. But start raising the stakes.

[Mneumonik]

Honestly my opinion is, you should have put your cards on the table months ago.. Waiting too long to tell someone your feelings gets you into the "friendship" stage. Most women will feel after a certain time has passed of being good friends they dont want a relationship because if it goes sour they will lose that friend.

You should tell her how you feel immediatly. This is all from my personal experience, i am in no way a relationship therapist. However I did stay at a Holiday Inn express once.

[Teezy]

Mneumonik, that last bit sounded like a Mitch Hedberg joke!

Anyway, listen to these guys heixing, they know what they're talking about. I don't know about paying for her dinner, then going on a romantic date. Truth is, if you want a girl to like you, treat her like shit. Get in touch with your inner ass-hole. If YOU want the long term relationship, just tell her. "Look, we have a lot in common and we've been spending a lot of time together, and it's starting to mean a lot to me." something like that. Something cheesy that will capture her heart.

[Mneumonik]

Mneumonik, that last bit sounded like a Mitch Hedberg joke!

Anyway, listen to these guys heixing, they know what they're talking about. I don't know about paying for her dinner, then going on a romantic date. Truth is, if you want a girl to like you, treat her like shit. Get in touch with your inner ass-hole. If YOU want the long term relationship, just tell her. "Look, we have a lot in common and we've been spending a lot of time together, and it's starting to mean a lot to me." something like that. Something cheesy that will capture her heart.

Yea, too bad he's dead

Ahh back to the old saying : "Treat a queen like a whore and a whore like a queen... they'll always stick around"

[clynn]

Nope.

Bad advice. Don't treat her like crap. As much as some literature out there convincing men that treating girls like crap is the way to go, it isn't. Everyone likes to be treated respectfully.

[Teezy]

clynn must be a female. Dont' deny it. The more we treat you like dogs, the more you can't resist us!

And I didn't mean treat her like crap as in push her into a puddle when you're walking down the street or pointing and laughing at a zit she has. That's just plain dumb.

I mean, be a playful dick. Cocky & funny. Make her feel like there's competition between her and "other" girls (for all she knows). Make fun of her, but not with a serious face, you get what i'm saying?

[misombra]

yeah, getting a girl to like you by playing off the fact that she's probably really insecure and probably has a bad home life. that's not dumb.

[vashti]

clynn must be a female. Dont' deny it. The more we treat you like dogs, the more you can't resist us!

I mean, be a playful dick. Cocky & funny. Make her feel like there's competition between her and "other" girls (for all she knows). Make fun of her, but not with a serious face, you get what i'm saying?

Either you don't date much, or you are dating the special education girls...

[Teezy]

hey, they need love too!

[Mneumonik]

vashti -

Unfortunatly in my current state I gotta go with Teezy on this one... Im what you would call a "nice guy" (even though i DONT look like one) and i've been walked all over my whole life for it. I've treated girls with the same respect i want and i get shit on.

So beleive him or not, he's on to something.

[vashti]

Mneumonik - there is a difference between being a nice guy and being a doormat, you know. My guess is that if you have been continually walked on, you have been acting like a doormat. Maybe you should look for a little balance...