just a little venting

[sfalexi]

Well, just venting cause I live at home and so does my girlfriend and we hardly EVER get some private time together. We haven't had private time together (just the two of us and NOONE else anywhere else in the building) since the middle of september. When we went on a three day vacation to the beach. Just to get away from it all for a few days.

Now the only time we can be even relatively intimate is latenight when my parents are asleep and we have to be careful lest my father wander up the stairs for a glass of water. Her house . . . forget it. Her father will check on us every five minutes.

I wish my parents both worked 9 to 5 jobs and I wish my girlfirend DIDN'T work those hours.

[Illusional]

it will get easier as you get older. raverboy

[jane]

man, that can be tough. Living at home sucks but sometimes it's a nessary evil..(sp) Hang in there it does get better.

[sfalexi]

Oh. And did I mention that within the last two months we've only been intimate twice? That's really freakin' hitting me hard too. Any time we end up meeting at my house, she ends up falling asleep too early or she's sick or "has a headache" or something. Then when I tell her how it's really bothering me she promises to make time for me the next time we get together. But does she? Nope. It's been about three weeks since we had an 'action' whatsoever. And she's been sick for the last week so that's her excuse this time. And it really freakin' makes me depressed and makes me wonder if she's really attracted to me or am I just the 'nice guy' she wanted. Cause if a girl's attracted to you, they will MAKE or FIND time to be with you, right? Well, she hasn't. Today she was supposed to come over when my parents were gone so we could finally be alone and that fell through (of course). At this point, I've pretty much given up. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I know she cares about me, but why isn't she interested in intimacy for some reason? And when I talk to her about it there's a million excuses, "I'm sorry but I had a real bad headache and it wouldn't have been fun. I'm sorry but I was still sick and wouldn't have enjoyed it. I'm sorry but I had a long day at work and I'm real tired."

Couple this with the unfortunate fact that it usually takes me more than an hour to ejaculate and she never feels like trying because it'd "take too long" and she wants to make sure that she gets enough sleep cause she told me early on in the relationship how if she doesn't get 7 hours of sleep she wakes up with a real bad backache and her muscles get sore.

I'm just so unbelievably frustrated. You may or may not be able to relate, but I'm guess you won't be able to because I've been with her so long, we haven't had sex, and I told myself that's ok cause she's not ready and I myself want to make sure that it's someone that I truly love, and as long as we're somewhat intimate I can wait. And now we're not even that lately.

So I'm feeling a mixture of pissed off and bad depression and sadness about this.

[jane]

ok, don't take this the wrong way. idon't mean to be mean. this girl... is giving you excuses. Thats lame. She should tell you what the real issue is. It could be that she has her period and doesn't want to tell you becuase she is embarrassed or maybe they aren't excuses.

i know that when you get sex all the time and then you don't, it is so FUSTRATING! I completely understand. You need to tell her and in a non- judgemetal way how you feel.
Don't accuse her of telling you that they are excuses. Say something like, I need to be with you, and I want to feel that bond with us .. something romantic. It also might help if you can get a little more romantic. Buy her flowers.. what ever. Does this help?

[sfalexi]

I don't get sex all the time. I'm a virgin. She's the first girl I've been intimate with. Ever. But now we're not intimate at all. I mean, when we're on a vacation or something we do fine. Intimate every night we're there. And she tells me when she's on her period and she's got at least another week.

And any time I talk to her about it she tells me how it's not her fault. She can't help that she needs seven hours of sleep. She can't help that she gets tired at her job. She can't help that it takes me so long to get off and it takes her only a few minutes. Then she tells me how much easier it'd be if one of us had our own place. But even then, how much easier would it be? She'd still only be able to visit me after her job. And she'd still be tired and need seven hours of sleep. It just really REALLY frustrates me.

And after she told me early on in the relationship that she is a very sexual person once it gets to that in a relationship. Well, she ain't exactly holding up to what she said about herself.

[jane]

why does she need 7 hours of sleep?
This girl sounds like she is high matience. Im sorry.
I think the only way it will get resolved is to be honest adn explain how you feel. Hae you had sex with her? Maybe she is being reluctant becuase she's scared.

Feels good to vent about it though huh? Feel free to vent more if you like. You can even blame it all on me.
I am a girl after all... damn women...

[sfalexi]

N oI haven't had sex with her. She hasn't had sex in 12 years. After her first boyfriend cheated on her she wanted to make sure that the next person she slept with was REALLY worth it. I'm also (at this point) her longest relationship. I understand her waiting to have sex. I don't mind that. It's that she hasn't wanted to do ANYTHING lately. And it sucks. I don't know what else I could vent about. She's a great person, but I don't understand why, since we don't live on our own and we don't have the luxury of being together, that she doesn't take advantage of the time we do have together.

[jane]

thats true.. seems a bit wierd , sounds like they are excuses..
Do you think she is faithful?

[LINEBACKER _2]

My opinion is she's probably not faithful but at the same time doesn't have the nerve to break it off with you Sfalexi. Sorry dude, but she's being a complete bitch about it and totally disregarding your feelings.

I wouldn't put up with that... well at one point I did and I finally got the balls to end it. It made me a better person, I think. Mind you, I was rude to her. But she deserved it and then some.

Try not to worry about it too much Sfalexi, she's not worth it and you deserve better.

LINEBACKER 2

[sfalexi]

Well I know she's faithful. Cause she's from a very conservative family and is always home when she's not with me (or with whoever she says she's going to be with). Like I said, she's not a loose girl cause she hasn't had sex in 12 years. Before me she hasn't even been physical with a guy for about 4 years. It took us being together about 3 or 4 months before we started getting physical. And when we started there were "stages". Just like "bases" in high school. Silly as it seemed to me, she wanted to take things slow cause she wanted every moment to be special. Even her family (brothers and sisters) tease me asking me if she's "too fast" for me.

Plus she's very VERY sensative. She'll start crying if she thinks she's made me sad (which is why I don't bring up this topic very often). So she wouldn't be able to hide anything like that from me. She also never lies about anything. She told me when we were dating that she was dating someone else at the same time, but that she didn't really like him as much as she liked me. She also told him that she was dating me while seeing him. And it turned out to be her brother's good friend so I have to see the guy anytime there's a family get together and man does it get awkward. I imagine he wasn't happy "losing" to a 21 year old when he's 30.

[LINEBACKER _2]

Well, considering she's acting the way she is, maybe he didn't lose.

LINEBACKER 2

[sfalexi]

. . . . . . . . . .touchè Linbacker. . . .

[sfalexi]

Well, for an update, I talked it over with her good and long. Told her how I felt that she wasn't interested in me and that it really was bothering me cause I think it's an important part of any relationship. She apologized saying that she's always nervous since someone is always home at my house, but promised that she'll be a little more risky and make sure to give me a more attention than she has lately. So we had our fun last night. And we'll have some more fun during the week.

Alexi

[EDIT] - PS - She also said that she appreciated me talking it over with her because she doesn't want something to get in the way of our relationship because I let it eat me up and she doesn't know what's bothering me. She then reemphasized that if ANYTHING were to bother me about her to tell her so we can talk about it and come to a resolution instead of just keeping it inside. Lord knows when we first started goign out she had plenty to say about me . . .

[jane]

see, it pays to be honest!
Congradualtions , i hope sexual foreplay returns to your life. It helps to vent doesn't it?