How should I proceed?

[tbwco]

Okay, I met a girl at work in December. She came over to help with the holiday season and from the moment we met, we hit it off. We did the casual flirting but being her supervisor, I had to be as professional as I could. She worked there for a little over a month and on her last day, we had a very long conversation in which we admitted our feelings for one another. Problem is, she has a boyfriend of about 4 months now.

She told me that "if that situation didn't work out, I'd be the first to know". Going to school, she drives by my work and said she would stop in to visit, which she has. I know people usually jump all over a guy that messes with a girl who is "taken", but please go easy on me. We haven't done anything physical other than hug but we've had some very deep conversations and I am just so drawn to her.

This weekend, I decided to get a little aggressive, telling her I wanted something more and she let me know she is very happy with her boyfriend. I told her I believe that you only live once and something you really want isn't going to just come to you, you have to go get it. Her comment was "if this was meant to be, I guarantee it will come to you". I told her that if she wanted me to leave her alone, just say it. But that's not what she wants at all. She told me to call her, come see her, do what ever I want to do. I am extremely confused because she acts as if a breakup is inevitable and, being burned so many times in the past, she just wants to make sure it doesn't happen again.

My question is, where should I go from here? Should I call her and go see her now and then, even though she's told me she is happy in her relationship? Or should I just sit back and let her come to me, seeing as she knows how I feel? Please help.

[shh!]

I don't think you have done anything wrong (yet), but I think you should tell her to quit yanking your chain and stop copming to see you until she loses the boyfriend.

[Lloyd95]

She's playin with you; she wants attention, I'd guess. Move on.

[lovesjoyajm]

Yeah, Lloyd and shh! are right. Don't wait around for her: you've told her your feelings, and it's her move. Her keeping you around and telling you to keep in close contact with her is a really bad move, because it just invites her to do something with you, and you don't want to start your relationship by her being unfaithful to her boyfriend. She seems to want to have her cake and eat it too (him being the cake and you being the too, in the immortal words of Joey )

[DutchBoY]

forget about her, she's trouble

[doll69]

She's keeping you on the back burner. I don't agree with ppl who say to completely cut her loose. If you truly enjoy spending time with her (and she with you), then what exactly, are you 'losing' in this situation? One thing to make sure you must do though is to keep your options open. Don't 'wait around' for her, so to say. Hit on other girls. If she does 'come around' (and you still want her, great), if not, you haven't lost anything. So in other words, play her game with her. She's keeping you on the back burner, you can do the same.

[clynn]

Some girls like to have an "Ace in the hole". Sort of a security blanket in case their relationship doesn't work out.

You can be friends with her, but I wouldn't be waiting around for her relationship to end.

[tbwco]

Really good advice so far, I appreciate it. I told her I thought she was worth waiting for and her comment was "Well if it's worth it, wait to see what happens and if it's meant to be, it'll happen". I think I'll take Doll69's advice, that's how I feel.

[DutchBoY]

can't you hear the chains rattling? If it's meant to be blablabla.....which means she wont do anything to make it be, oonly if "circumstances" allow it. She just puts you on hold indefinately. If you feel that's worth it, by all means wait, but don't be surprised if this thing will end up hurting you way more in the future than if you let it be now.

[doll69]

Don't be so hard on him.....i'm pretty sure pretty much everyone's been 'blinded' by someone they like. As long as he's still in touch with his senses (and taking heed of our advice), it's all good. afterall, you can never have too many friends..

[DutchBoY]

we;re not hard on him.....I actually have been through sort of the same thing......couple of years back a girl I had a crush on. Been doing my best for her for like three months in which she held me at bay but gave off signs she might be interested. Off course I was stupid enough to try and go for it. Until I found out she already had a boyfriend for two of the three months I was after her. That really hurt. Just don't want this guy to make the same mistake. It's a waste of time and energy.

[tbwco]

I have carefully considered everyone's advice and agree with some of what has been said. In the last couple weeks, I have still been in contact with this girl, who still has the boyfriend. Since most of our communication is done at work (I work at one store, she works at another), her manager found out. At first, I didn't want that to happen but her manager is in support of it and is even encouraging her to eventually be with me. She called me twice this weekend but both times it was to bring her lunch, which I did. I don't want to be used as the "lunch guy" but I know doing it makes her happy and it allows me to see her and keep in contact with her. What I want to know is, should I continue to do this? Should I call her at work now and then, just to ask how she is doing? Or should I cut off all contact and let her come to me? She is the kind of person who is very blunt and would tell me to go away if she didn't want me talking to her, that I know. She knows how I feel and knows what I want out of this. So I want to stay in the picture so if something happens in her relationship (and eventually it will), she doesn't think I don't want to be with her anymore. I really like this girl and I know she has the same feelings, there is just something holding her back.

[Tone]

W o w.

So not only do you get to be "Plan B" you get to be "Guy who will do anything I want, such as bring me lunch"

Let me guess - you pay for it too???

[Gigabitch]

You want to switch places with the boyfriend?

[tbwco]

Yeah, I pay for it too. I'm a nice guy, probably too nice. But I know telling her no isn't going to get me anywhere. Guys, what would you do if you were me. Really try to put yourself in my position and women, if you were her, what would be the reasoning here?