Going out with a girl who has lots of male friends?!?!? Help!!

[Smallspirit]

Right, a common problem...or perhaps not. I started work recently and got friendly with a young lady. We both always made an effort to go talk to each other during our shifts at work, which was rather nice blah blah blah. On Valentines day I got her a card and a gift cos I wanted to take things further, which she took really well, and since then I've been on a couple of dates with her, the second of which I got a kiss (although just a peck cos she said she likes to take things slowly...so fair dos). She knows how I feel about her because we chat and flirt at work and on MSN etc.

There's a couple of problems tho which I wouldn't mind some advice about??? For a start she lives out in the sticks and so it's really hard to see her out of work. And perhaps more worryingly, her best mates are guys!! She does have some best girl mates but her parents moved away from where they are.

I'm not really sure how to procede, because I think the world of her, but I think I'm insecure about her having so many guys about her all the time + I'm seriously inexperienced at being in a relationship.

Can anyone give me some advice?? Please!


p.s. - I'm over 20 but under 25!

[DutchBoY]

over 20 and under 25.....wow what a clever innuendo looking at your nick.....

anyways, if you're insecure like that, it wont matter if she has tons of men around her or only a few. You'll have to deal with it anyways. The problem lies in your court, so you'll need to work on it if you want this thing to go any furhter than a peck on the cheek.

[Smallspirit]

over 20 and under 25.....wow what a clever innuendo looking at your nick.....

anyways, if you're insecure like that, it wont matter if she has tons of men around her or only a few. You'll have to deal with it anyways. The problem lies in your court, so you'll need to work on it if you want this thing to go any furhter than a peck on the cheek.

Hehe, you liked that huh! Thought it was clever too!

That aside, yeah I totally agree I'll have to work on it. I think I probably seem like a confident guy to her, but a lot of the time it's a facade, I'm really quite shy. She wants to do stuff with me too but getting around our work hours is proving difficult. She could just be stalling, but I hope that's not the case?!?

She's going through a rough patch with her best mate too which doesn't help things. Arghhhhhh!!

[Kieran]

To be honest, I've been in this position before.. And take it from me.. it never works.

Unless you are a bit weird in the head it's not natural to accept such situations. You have one of three choices.

1. Put up with it and cry yourself to sleep at night
2. Kick her to the curb
3. Tell her it's time that she moved on from her male friends and that you are the important one.

Best of luck. Let me know when you guys break up.

[k73]

i wouldn't jump to conclusions about all her guy friends. i mean, i'm the type that would rather hang w/a bunch of guys any day over a bunch of frilly girls. i've always been more of a tomboy and get along really well with guys. if she fits somewhere along this category that may be her situation....dont take me wrong, i do like to hang w/the girls from time to time but the guys are more exciting. (no shopping, no crazy hair & makeup, the list goes on anyway give her a break unless you feel there's competition from her male friends.

[Converse]

Gawd, it is possible to be friends with men without sex stuff.

[Smallspirit]

i wouldn't jump to conclusions about all her guy friends. i mean, i'm the type that would rather hang w/a bunch of guys any day over a bunch of frilly girls. i've always been more of a tomboy and get along really well with guys. if she fits somewhere along this category that may be her situation....dont take me wrong, i do like to hang w/the girls from time to time but the guys are more exciting. (no shopping, no crazy hair & makeup, the list goes on anyway give her a break unless you feel there's competition from her male friends.

Sounds like you and her would get on! Lol! She said herself in fact that she looks like a boy (she doesn't obviously, but I would admit she is kinda boyish in what she likes/wears etc).

Her best mate has recently started goin with a girl...and he kept it secret from her which has really annoyed her, so now they're goin through a rough patch. Think I made a mistake of tryin to comfort her! Funnily enough he started seein her as soon as I went out with his best mate...what the **** is going on????? Think I might just pack it all in!!!

[Cybog]

Gawd, it is possible to be friends with men without sex stuff.

As the woman, maybe. As the guy, not a chance in hell.

ANY one of those dudes would sleep with your friend in a heartbeat if given 100% opportunity, no questions asked.

If they say they wouldn't, they are either lying or putting from the rough.

[Smallspirit]

As the woman, maybe. As the guy, not a chance in hell.

ANY one of those dudes would sleep with your friend in a heartbeat if given 100% opportunity, no questions asked.

If they say they wouldn't, they are either lying or putting from the rough.

Not true at all, I agree with Converse. I work with and are friends with plenty of women I would never go to bed with, I just find them good fun, and great to be around. I also lived with a friend for a year and never had any sexual thoughts about her at all!! I can't speak for her best mates however, because they are all fairly attractive, and might possibly find each other attractive in some way or other without wanting to shag them!!

But isn't that what being friends is all about, finding each other good company and being attracted to their personality??? Even for guys!!

[Cybog]

I work with and are friends with plenty of women I would never go to bed with, I just find them good fun, and great to be around.

This doesn't make you any less gay.

You are obviously flamboyant, metro, fat and fugly, or a hardcore Christian. Maybe all of the above.

[Smallspirit]

This doesn't make you any less gay.

You are obviously flamboyant, metro, fat and fugly, or a hardcore Christian. Maybe all of the above.

Quite possibly the most predictable ****in comment I've ever come across! Fat lot of good you are pal! Can't stand religion, (no offence intended to anyone!), I'm fit, reasonably attractive. I certainly wouldn't say I was flamboyant or 'metro'.

If anyone can offer some constructive criticism rather than trivialising everything to gayness please feel free to post a comment

[Kieran]

What's trivial about being teh ghey?

[Smallspirit]

What's trivial about being teh ghey?

I just said that you were trivialising the problem into a gay cliché. I didn't say being gay was trivial. Two completely different statements my friend!!

[Debunkt]

I'd agree that it is possible to be friends with members of the opposite sex without wanting sex from them. Especially when you're in a relationship.

[Kieran]

Yeah but do you like my bawls?