Need some advice...from everyone...

[whaywardj]

You know...I hate it....but you guys are all right. I think the reason that he and I want to move in together is partly because it's convenient....I will have a "roomate" that I can split costs with, someone that I feel safe with, etc etc. He'll have a place to stay where he can live close to work, have his daughter come and spend the night with him, and he'll live with me. ...

Benefits all had as a result of your father's efforts. Consider:

1. The negative impact it may have on your father that you drag a boyfriend into the circumstance he's trying to arrange for you.

2. The negative impact it may have on your boyfriend's self-esteem that he's enjoying these benefits only because another man has arranged them.

3. The complications such negative effects as may occur might produce and how those complications might contaminate your relationship with your father and your boyfriend.

4. How such complications might spill over into your relationship with your child and contaminate that.

Offhand, I'd say now might be a real good time for you to simplify things as much as possible and NOT complicate them any more than they already are. If you and your boyfriend are truly reformed, you'll both cope with matters as they're presented without relying on someone else's efforts or taking advantage of their sympathies.

[carpflounder]

I like carp.

Thanks I like you too, Tone.

[carpflounder]

If you and your boyfriend are truly reformed, you'll both cope with matters as they're presented without relying on someone else's efforts or taking advantage of their sympathies.

Very true hayward, very true.
I just realized how caught up we got over this guy being an addict but....
if my memory serves me correctly this guy is also a Chester .

He needs to be kept away from kids.

[Jeblina]

if my memory serves me correctly this guy is also a Chester .

He needs to be kept away from kids.

???? He's got a daughter of his own.....perhaps you're thinking of my daughter's father....registered sex offender.....????

[Gigabitch]

You know...I hate it....but you guys are all right. I think the reason that he and I want to move in together is partly because it's convenient....I will have a "roomate" that I can split costs with, someone that I feel safe with, etc etc.

Couldn't he just come to stay sometimes? Or are you worried that he'll end up there every night without even paying half the rent?

[alice]

Couldn't he just come to stay sometimes? Or are you worried that he'll end up there every night without even paying half the rent?

that's exactly what's going to happen.

[Jeblina]

Couldn't he just come to stay sometimes? Or are you worried that he'll end up there every night without even paying half the rent?

The thing is...he wouldn't just stay SOMETIMES....it may start out him staying over every other night...but I just know that after about 2 weeks, he'd be staying there every night.....so why not be honest with my dad right off the bat, and tell him that my boyfriend will be moving in....and then we can afford a little bit more....blah blah blah....

[Gigabitch]

Maybe you could bring the subject up like this, "Dad, what would you think if I got a roommate?" See what he thinks.

Then consider actually getting a roommate. Maybe another single mom. You can take turns watching the kiddos while the other gets to have a night off.

[clynn]

I like carp.

Well he is nothing if not honest!

[clynn]

Benefits all had as a result of your father's efforts. Consider:

2. The negative impact it may have on your boyfriend's self-esteem that he's enjoying these benefits only because another man has arranged them.

This is the main thing I would be concerned about.

Particularly if your boyfriend and your dad haven't already formed some kind of relationship.

The power dynamic from the get-go will be skewed and could create some animosity / resentment. (unintentionally of course, and both men could be great people....but men will be men).

[whaywardj]

The thing is...he wouldn't just stay SOMETIMES....it may start out him staying over every other night...but I just know that after about 2 weeks, he'd be staying there every night.....so why not be honest with my dad right off the bat, and tell him that my boyfriend will be moving in....and then we can afford a little bit more....blah blah blah....

Exactly. "Blah, blah, blah." I don't think anything anyone here says will make any difference. You appear to have made up your mind to move your boyfriend in on your father's coat-tails regardless of the risks involved. You're already rationalizing doing it. You're being very foolish to think your father won't see through the rationalizations and perceive your inability to delay gratifications...a form of selfishness that, likely, got you in trouble with drugs in the first place, and a character flaw you, evidently, still haven't got a grip on.

[daisy]

Maybe you could bring the subject up like this, "Dad, what would you think if I got a roommate?" See what he thinks.

Then consider actually getting a roommate. Maybe another single mom. You can take turns watching the kiddos while the other gets to have a night off.

But it's a lie again...

[Tone]

Exactly. "Blah, blah, blah." I don't think anything anyone here says will make any difference. You appear to have made up your mind to move your boyfriend in on your father's coat-tails regardless of the risks involved. You're already rationalizing doing it. You're being very foolish to think your father won't see through the rationalizations and perceive your inability to delay gratifications...a form of selfishness that, likely, got you in trouble with drugs in the first place, and a character flaw you, evidently, still haven't got a grip on.

Thank you.

Said it better than I ever could.

[Rosebud]

You've got me all wrong....I can only speak for myself.....and I KNOW that I'm no longer an addict. It's a part of my past that I've dealt with and learned from...I never want to be there again, and I won't ever be there again.

My boyfriend....fine...he's a RECOVERING addict....does that suit you better? Like I said...I can only speak for myself...all I know is what I see, and what he tells me. I guess his situation is probably different from mine....his was a physical addiction....mine was purely mental...I had no physical addiction to the drugs I was taking....I was only taking them to not deal with the more difficult parts of my life....I've learned HOW to deal with difficult things now, and feel no need to self-medicate.
I'm no "miracle case" as you say....I just know that I'm no longer an addict.

Not to just jump in here but I have to say a few things. I myself, am an addict even though I have been clean and sober for 7 years. Just becasue I don't get the urges anymore or because I don't use.....does not mean I'm no longer an addict. Addicts aren't called addicts just becasue they use at that time, even after your clean your branded an addict becasue you WERE addicted at one time or another to something you didn't know how or want to control.

And all drug users have used drugs to cover from or hide from situations in their life that's what an addict is my dear!

But back to the main point, yes you guys lust each other...but have you thought maybe the lust is there becasue you guys have this addicting personality and are now addicted to one another instead of a drug? It happens all the time. Look at it closely, how many times have you gone back to this guy despite what he has done? Your enabling him and vice versa.

Just becasue your not doing drugs anymore doesn't mean you can't be addicted to something else......HIM! and while you may think you are making better decisions now, it sounds like your still falling on some the ways you had before. I don't say this to offend you but to try and open your eyes to the severe consequences this can have on you and more importantly your child!

[Late_vamp]

from some of the posts iv read so far , all i can tell you is that , you asked for our opinions , we shared it with you but you keep coming up with excuses and lame reasons , it seems that you are so hardheaded that no matter what we say , nothing will change your decision ...

i say go for it , you want to go so GO, but dont come here crying later about how you screwed up , face the consequences , hey after all , it wont be me in your shoes ... im fine where im at , YOU will be the one in deep shit . but i guarantee you that in less than 2 years you wont be with him anymore and if you get a place with him , youll be stuck paying alot more because he'll be gone or youll have to move . Either that or something will happen ... was he seriously a crack head ? ... come on ... where are your standards .