Not sure what to. Should I leave or stay?

[soundslikeit]

I was in a relationship with my girlfriend for 2 years (LDR). We met each other a few times. Few years ago (2 years) we broke up because of distance and due to some of my issues (I was being very jealous etc). She is 17 years old, I am 19.

In the meantime we both tried to get back since we really love each other (many times), but her parents hate me and distance is still an issue. At some point we were no contact for a year, and even though that time I was permanently gone (I had her blocked everywhere so I could move on), she tried to get a boyfriend but didn't because no one was like me.

Few months later she pmed me on my birthday, she made a lot of effort to talk to me, and we have been talking a lot since then (since January 2018). We really have fun and my feelings for her are the same. After some point we expressed our feelings for each other but she still said how it's really hard for us to get back because of distance and her parents. She currently lives with her parents so they really affect her. She talked to me a lot about it, told me how she really wants this to work but it's impossible for now. She promised me we will get back together in 2 years if there is still love between us (in 2 years is when she will definitely be able to move out and leave her parents / plus be an adult, and that's also when I will be able to permanently move to where she is).

She said if she doesn't fall in love in the meantime, or if I don't fall in love, we will be together. But that kind of hurt me and I am not sure how to perceive it. She told me she won't be looking for somone else, and that she doesn't need anyone, but basically she told me she wants someone next to her, and that she can't wait 2 whole years for us. She said many times how she really loves me and wants to be with me, even cried on phone, but her telling me something like this destroyed me. Like, how can she even think of falling in love with someone else? If she really did love me, why wouldn't she wait 2 years for us and stay as friends in the meantime? She told me she wants to talk to me.

I know her very well and she has done a lot of things for me. Even went as far as rejecting others because of me EVEN THOUGH that time I was permanently gone, and she also used to tell some friends of mine how she misses me and loves me etc.

I really don't know what to do. I feel like staying at this point, but I also feel like leaving. I know her very well, and I don't want to leave her like that, especially after what she has done and after what we have both gone through. We truly love each other.

But her telling me she will be with me if she doesn't fall in love with someone else (or if I don't), and that she wants someone next to her and can't wait 2 years make me want to leave. Any advices please?

[Hooo!]

You truly love her
She truly loves you
You want to leave


I don't believe a single thing you say

[soundslikeit]

Seriously? So you want me to stay with her as a friend and see her getting a boyfriend (because she said she might fall in love or I might do)?

[TheEvilJester]

If you two truly love each other... is there any way you can presently make it work? And, waiting for each other for two years is NOT making it work. If there is some chance of actually finding a way to make it work in the interim, then sure. It could at least be worth it to try.

If not, if you really have no other option than waiting two years.... then I think my personal advice would be it is best to part ways for now. Both of you should maybe just move on and consider it over. Move on as you would if you were two people who broke up. Fast forward two years, if you are still single you can certainly always reach back out to her then. See if she's still single as well, and maybe fate will see fit to bring you two back together in the end.

But, neither of you should put your lives on hold. Especially considering, what if you both wait those two years.... and it still can't work out after all for any number of reasons? Or what if you both agree to wait... but then one of you winds up falling in love with somebody else in the meantime? It is almost never a good idea to just wait around for somebody. To just put your life on hold.

That doesn't mean you have to burn that bridge. Leave the door open. If time passes and it comes to be that you COULD close the distance between you two... maybe you revisit the idea then. But don't leave yourself stuck in limbo waiting for it. That would just make it so much harder to move on if it ultimately never does work out. Not to mention, that would just hurt too badly. But, those are my personal thoughts. You do have to do what feels right for you. Best of luck to you in whatever you do decide.

[smackie09]

Leave. She may feel a bunch of hope in her heart right now, but it is inevitable that will fade and the both of you will move on anyways.

[soundslikeit]

I left. We both sent to other a long sweet goodbye text..

Is there any chance of getting back with her in the future? I am not planning on putting my life on hold, but deep inside I want to get back with her some day.

- - - Updated - - -

Leave. She may feel a bunch of hope in her heart right now, but it is inevitable that will fade and the both of you will move on anyways.

I left. We both sent to other a long sweet goodbye text..

Is there any chance of getting back with her in the future? I am not planning on putting my life on hold, but deep inside I want to get back with her some day.

- - - Updated - - -

If you two truly love each other... is there any way you can presently make it work? And, waiting for each other for two years is NOT making it work. If there is some chance of actually finding a way to make it work in the interim, then sure. It could at least be worth it to try.

If not, if you really have no other option than waiting two years.... then I think my personal advice would be it is best to part ways for now. Both of you should maybe just move on and consider it over. Move on as you would if you were two people who broke up. Fast forward two years, if you are still single you can certainly always reach back out to her then. See if she's still single as well, and maybe fate will see fit to bring you two back together in the end.

But, neither of you should put your lives on hold. Especially considering, what if you both wait those two years.... and it still can't work out after all for any number of reasons? Or what if you both agree to wait... but then one of you winds up falling in love with somebody else in the meantime? It is almost never a good idea to just wait around for somebody. To just put your life on hold.

That doesn't mean you have to burn that bridge. Leave the door open. If time passes and it comes to be that you COULD close the distance between you two... maybe you revisit the idea then. But don't leave yourself stuck in limbo waiting for it. That would just make it so much harder to move on if it ultimately never does work out. Not to mention, that would just hurt too badly. But, those are my personal thoughts. You do have to do what feels right for you. Best of luck to you in whatever you do decide.

Not really. We both talked a lot about it, but her parents are a huge isssue, plus distance. I left now, and we both said goodbye to each other today on phone with tears.. It really hurt.. After all those years leaving her.

Is there a chance of getting with her in the future, or is that something that can't happen? Not that I will put my life on hold, but deep inside I want that..

[smackie09]

You may feel you will reunite someday, but how you feel about her will change and your feelings will fade. More than likely you will meet the woman of your dreams somewhere else and this girl will be a distant memory.

[Hooo!]

Seriously? So you want me to stay with her as a friend and see her getting a boyfriend (because she said she might fall in love or I might do)?

No. But the whole situation would be different if both of you loved each other.
There wouldn't even be a discussion
Or a very different one.

[TheEvilJester]

Is there a chance of getting with her in the future, or is that something that can't happen? Not that I will put my life on hold, but deep inside I want that..

Of course there is a chance. There is always a chance. You never know what life will bring you. Truth be told, I wish I could be more optimistic... but chances are you'll probably just both eventually move on and meet other people. You've let go now and that will probably just lead to you both moving on completely.

...BUT... you never know. Two years could pass and maybe neither of you ever really found somebody with whom you hit it off all that well. Maybe you will suddenly be able to move closer to her (or her to you). Maybe you'll reconnect and, with the distance a thing of the past, it will work out in the end. You never really know.

Hence why I think you did the right thing for now. You both let go, you both set each other free.... but you didn't burn that bridge. In a few years if things change, you can maybe try to reach out to each other then. If, in those few years one or both of you meet somebody else and fall in love with them... well, maybe you can still reconnect and at least just be friends. I know for now at least part of you probably isn't ready to move on, isn't ready to seek out possible partners in other women.

In time, you will feel better, though, and in time you will find other women interesting. Maybe one of them will turn out to be "the one" maybe fate will ultimately lead you back to this gal anyway. Never say never. As long as you don't put your life on hold, denying other chances just hoping for something that may never happen. Sounds like you are not going to do that, so I think you are in good shape.

Best of luck to you in wherever life takes you and to whomever it eventually leads you.