Breaking somebody's heart: how do you do it?

[singularity2006]

So you got with this girl when you were barely ending elementary school or starting middle school, you are now 15, and it's been four years going?? And u moved in together? Wh0a, that's just way too fast no matter how you look at it.

In anycase, let me let you in on my own experience. I fell in love with the most wonderful girl on the planet two years ago. Sadly, we met at our workplace, which is my family's business. This is where things turned sour. The nature of the workplace leads to gossip and without any proof or understanding, my folks assumed she was "one of them" and did everything in their power to break us apart. However, I knew she was not guilty of anything except loving me too much.

In the past two years, we've had our ups and downs but I found my main problem in my own guilt. I'm a very family oriented kind of guy and had never disobeyed my parents' requests ever since I was young. And the most important thing about this is that I followed what they said because I whole-heartedly believed every last word - except until it came to my girlfriend.

Granted, we do have our problems, but it didn't stop me from loving her. However, during our time together, the guilt of me disobeying my parents was too painful. I could not handle it and there came many times when we argued that I wanted to simply break it off and end it there. With the guilt of family on my mind, the argument in front of me, the stress was too great. But in all occasions, after I got mad, she promptly cooled it, apologized, and everything was gravy.

However, in the two years we've been together, we've gone through a lot. Issues of my guilt were always on and off and I tried to break things off several times because I felt that my avoidance of her to not feel guilty was unfair to her. However, she insisted that she was fine with it and would always be by my side.

But just last weekend, after hearing about more crap about family and honor and how my idiot cousin screwed his family, the guilt was unbearable and all it took from my gf was one argument to get me to end it. Actually, it wasn't even an argument but it was her joking around. But I took that joke seriously. I did not sleep for one night as she begged me to come back, told me that everythign was going to be okay.

But it's been like three days now and I'm still cold turkey. It hurts like a mofo because I realize that a lot of the times we argued, it was me subconsciously trying to find a way to end my guilt trip.

So what is the moral?

You will only be able to end it when you are so sick of the situation that you physically begin to suffer. Allow her to get into an argument with you just once, and take that opportunity to end it. The tears hurt, but what made it easy for me was that I was feeling so hurt that I began crying too. And hey, when both people are emotionally exhausted like that, it's pretty easy to just end it.

Right now, I refuse to be just friends with her. It would be too painful for both of us. I recommend the same for you. But yeah, if you can't be up front, just start doing small things to piss her off. Never ever pick a fight. But by all means - finish it.

[needHelpBad]

So you got with this girl when you were barely ending elementary school or starting middle school, you are now 15, and it's been four years going?? And u moved in together? Wh0a, that's just way too fast no matter how you look at it.

Actually, I was 20 and she was 17, and we didn't move in until I was 22.

In anycase, let me let you in on my own experience. I fell in love with the most wonderful girl on the planet two years ago. Sadly, we met at our workplace, which is my family's business. This is where things turned sour. The nature of the workplace leads to gossip and without any proof or understanding, my folks assumed she was "one of them" and did everything in their power to break us apart. However, I knew she was not guilty of anything except loving me too much.

In the past two years, we've had our ups and downs but I found my main problem in my own guilt. I'm a very family oriented kind of guy and had never disobeyed my parents' requests ever since I was young. And the most important thing about this is that I followed what they said because I whole-heartedly believed every last word - except until it came to my girlfriend.

Granted, we do have our problems, but it didn't stop me from loving her. However, during our time together, the guilt of me disobeying my parents was too painful. I could not handle it and there came many times when we argued that I wanted to simply break it off and end it there. With the guilt of family on my mind, the argument in front of me, the stress was too great. But in all occasions, after I got mad, she promptly cooled it, apologized, and everything was gravy.

However, in the two years we've been together, we've gone through a lot. Issues of my guilt were always on and off and I tried to break things off several times because I felt that my avoidance of her to not feel guilty was unfair to her. However, she insisted that she was fine with it and would always be by my side.

But just last weekend, after hearing about more crap about family and honor and how my idiot cousin screwed his family, the guilt was unbearable and all it took from my gf was one argument to get me to end it. Actually, it wasn't even an argument but it was her joking around. But I took that joke seriously. I did not sleep for one night as she begged me to come back, told me that everythign was going to be okay.

But it's been like three days now and I'm still cold turkey. It hurts like a mofo because I realize that a lot of the times we argued, it was me subconsciously trying to find a way to end my guilt trip.

So what is the moral?

You will only be able to end it when you are so sick of the situation that you physically begin to suffer. Allow her to get into an argument with you just once, and take that opportunity to end it. The tears hurt, but what made it easy for me was that I was feeling so hurt that I began crying too. And hey, when both people are emotionally exhausted like that, it's pretty easy to just end it.

Right now, I refuse to be just friends with her. It would be too painful for both of us. I recommend the same for you. But yeah, if you can't be up front, just start doing small things to piss her off. Never ever pick a fight. But by all means - finish it.

See the thing is that I've been physically suffering from emotional crap well before she came into the picture. So I'm used to suffering; I'm thinking that this just comes down to the fact that I have to be a man and just do it.
Sure she may be screwed because she'll have nobody, but that'll be one less life I have to run and then I can focus on myself.

It seems that I'm just trolling the internet looking for that magical piece of advice that makes everything make sense. Other than somebody saying "be a man" which may be vague, but it is exactaly what I need to do; there is nothing a person can say to fix this. I'm screwed until I can become a man. It's been 24 years and I haven't had to be a man yet, I have to start somewhere.

[bluesummer]

Just man up and be honest with her. Seriously. My ex and I, at five years, finally just had the 'sit down' where we both just said "I'm not happy" and as much as it hurt to hear it from the other person, it was a relief too. I've never regretted doing it, my only regret was not doing it sooner. Trust me, dragging it on for too long just makes it harder.

You know the tears are just manipulation. Its going to take a lot of strength, but look at it this way: you're not only doing yourself a favor, but her too. It would be awful to spend your life with someone who didn't truly want to be with you, when there is someone out there who will. Just do it!!