Friends w/ Benefits

[bumola]

I have a friend...w/ benefits. We were very cool for a while, always together because we found ourselves in a unique situation with no one else to relate to. Both single / sexually frustrated, very comfortable with each other, we started screwing. He's always talked a lot of crap about seeing other women, but so far he's always calling me, always wants to see me. On an almost daily basis. I've told him that i don't like to share, and resolved that once i could tell that he really is screwing others at the same time, i would just stop screwing him and we can be friends like normal, but easier said than done. but the sex is amazing on both ends, i know and we do it so much i don't see how he has time or energy for anyone else...

how do i figure out if he's screwing around and why tell me he has mad women everywhere but then spend so much time with me?

[HeyYouGuy]

I have a friend...w/ benefits. We were very cool for a while, always together because we found ourselves in a unique situation with no one else to relate to. Both single / sexually frustrated, very comfortable with each other, we started screwing. He's always talked a lot of crap about seeing other women, but so far he's always calling me, always wants to see me. On an almost daily basis. I've told him that i don't like to share, and resolved that once i could tell that he really is screwing others at the same time, i would just stop screwing him and we can be friends like normal, but easier said than done. but the sex is amazing on both ends, i know and we do it so much i don't see how he has time or energy for anyone else...

how do i figure out if he's screwing around and why tell me he has mad women everywhere but then spend so much time with me?

Becouse its free sex..... most guys will spend time with a woman if its free.... to me sounds like your hopeing for this to be more. If he is doing you andddd other girls then chances are that wont happen. But you could ask him if he thinks it could ever go to a higher level. But on the half of him doing other girls, i wouldent know how to find out unless you like.... serch his place but that wouldent be good lol.

..... man i want friends with beinifits...... benifits sound like fun .

[King Zarathu]

Why can't you just ask him and give the benefit of the doubt?

[HeyYouGuy]

Why can't you just ask him and give the benefit of the doubt?

Yes, do this. It cant hurt.

[vashti]

I've told him that i don't like to share...[..]...how do i figure out if he's screwing around

YOu sound like a jealous girlfriend. He can't be "screwing around" on you if you are just a friend with benefits. You have no claim on his fidelity - he is free to do what he wants, and you are obligated to STFU about it.

That is why FWB is dumb. Someone (usually the girl) always invests too much of themselves into a meaningless relationship that has absolutely no future.

If you can't get with the FWB program, You should buy a vibrator instead. I would think it would be hard to feel territorial about a vibrator.

[bumola]

thanks for the responses. but u guys have to understand, i'm not looking for more or being territorial b/c the LAST thing i want right now is a relationship. and he is SO not my type. i just think doubting his claims about other women is whats keeping me around. if i actually believed his game was that good, i wouldn't be into him... no man i know--and i'm friends with plenty--no matter how big a pimp he is, constantly talks about having other women like my friend here.

[vashti]

I don't understand why you should care who he is screwing if he is not your boyfriend and you don't want a relationship...

Something just isn't adding up.

[HeyYouGuy]

I don't understand why you should care who he is screwing if he is not your boyfriend and you don't want a relationship...

Something just isn't adding up.

Interigation time! lol.

[bumola]

simply because it's not healthy to sleep with the whole city

[vashti]

But it IS healthy to sleep with someone who doesn't really want you, so you can spend your time worrying about whether or not he is sleeping with other people?

You know, I really don't have a problem with FWB except that this is the pathology people (usually women) put themselves through while pretending their bodies are disconnected from their emotions. Most women can't seem to manage it. If you really were only using him as your human vibrator, this wouldn't be an issue.

[Ellynn]

simply because it's not healthy to sleep with the whole city

Yeah true, but you take that risk when you are screwing someone and not in an actual Committed relationship with them. So, if you put yourself in that situation....you have to realize that is all part of it.

Honestly, that is one of the big reasons why I never could do a FWB thing. Plus, as much as I wanted to believe I could detach myself from the sex, I simply couldn't. Plus I had no control over who else he was seeing/screwing....and I really had no say. I hated that uncertainty....and then thinking I could get pregnant or something with someone I don't really even want to be with? Not worth the risk to me...
I invested in a vibrator.... Alot less worries and hassles.....and I don't end up feeling like shit afterwards....hehe.

[King Zarathu]

I would think it would be hard to feel territorial about a vibrator.

So she should feel comfortable sharing her vibrator?

[Aveline_Rei]

Yeah, I don't really get it either. I'm not sure how you are doing things but I know with my fwbs if one of us starts going out with someone else we stop having sex with each other until we are single again. If he is constantly talking about having whatever with other girls and you're not caring about it then why let it mess up your 'good time'. Then again that could just be an opening in him trying to get you invovled in a three-way.

[iulikewhoa]

I had a a guy who I wouldn't even call a friend when we started screwing, but in the end we developed a connection and it was more than just a good time... we connected, and you even said it in your first post "we were there for eachother"... The reason isn't that you want him to come clean, the reason is that you do have feelings for him. It sucks to realize that and you may even feel embarrassed, because I totally felt embarrassed when I realized I actually liked my **** buddy...

Its really tough, but worrying yourself over something like this isn't good for your health... either keep screwing or get out... its too much baggage

However you could always end it and see how you feel after...

[Gigabitch]

If you even suspect he's having sex with other people, stop having sex with him. Just stop. You have no right to expect that he isn't, and he's told you in plain English that he has "mad women everywhere".

Close your legs until you can open your heart.