Bunny boiler?

[Pins]

Does the following earn me the title of "bunny boiler?" (Think Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction)

I was dating a guy, and we were serious. I was talking about moving closer to where he lives, cause the LDR thing was hard on both of us. But we talked 3-4 times a day, via phone and IM.

One night on IM, we have a disagreement. I send him an e-mail, telling him my side of the story. We IM a little more, and he clams up. Doesn't want to talk any more. I was supposed to go out there at Easter, and had a job interview lined up for the Monday after, but after he didn't want to talk any more, I figured (correctly) that the visit was off.

A mutual friend of ours had originally introduced us. Well, I thought it was a mutual friend. Ends up this mutual friend didn't want to talk to me any more after this guy and I broke up. He didn't want to discuss my X with me, although I had always bounced my dating issues off of him before.

I decide to go out for the interview anyway. While I was out there, this mutual friend and I had dinner. He told me he had talked to my X, and if I was willing to, the X wanted to talk to me. OK, sure.

So I go to talk to the X, and he spends an hour telling me his side of the story. I didn't get a chance to say much. Quite honestly, I was kind of shell-shocked about the whole thing.

We leave things that night that he just needs some time.

Before I left town, I texted the X, asking for another chance to talk, so I could say the things I needed to say to him. Nope, he doesn't want to talk. So I send him an e-mail. I wanted closure, and I felt he had made a bunch of assumptions about me that were untrue.

Now, all 3 of us are on the same message board. In the e-mail I sent the X before I left town, I asked him if it was OK that I get support about our breakup on the boards. I tell him I won't discuss anything personal, just my feelings, and what I was going through. I told him I'd go ahead unless he told me differently, but if he wanted to, I'd keep it off the boards.

Well, I got no response from the e-mail.

I tried contacting the mutual friend, but he was really stand-offish. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me he couldn't be my friend any more, and he didn't think it was a good idea if I moved there. Now, I got the job that I interviewed for while I was out there, and I have a bunch of other friends in the area.

Then, the two of them started really going after me on the boards. They labeled me a bunny boiler and a manipulator because I had gone on there and discussed MY feelings about the breakup. The X posted all of these really personal things about our relationship, which hurt a lot.

I sent the X one final e-mail, asking if we could talk without this mutual friend in the middle of our relationship. I got back a scathing e-mail, telling me all sorts of nasty stuff. I got through the first paragraph and just deleted it. I couldn't read any more, and just threw it away.

I ended up asking one of the site admins to tell them both to lay off of me and stay the hell out of my threads.

The X has since disappeared from the boards, but the "friend" still continues to post things about women in general that he doesn't like, and I know he's specifically speaking about me, cause he's putting up "examples" of things that happened between me and the X.

Does 1 e-mail during the breakup, 2 afterwards, discussing MY feelings on the boards, and a few text messages mean that I'm a bunny boiler? I haven't called him ONCE since the first night of the disagreement.

Hell, I wasn't even sure we had broken up before the third e-mail!

I'm not sure what happened, but I must have missed something there, because I still feel like I got hit by a truck on this one.

Is what I missed the fact that I AM a bunny boiler?

I've never been labled this before!

[HeyYouGuy]

First off if anyone does not know a Bunny Boiler is a "pejorative term for an obsessive and dangerous female, sometimes stalking a lover who has spurned her".

I had to pull that off wiki becouse I did not know.

"The phrase derives from the 1987 film Fatal Attraction. The plot concerns a woman scorned, played by Glenn Close, who obsessively pursues her ex-lover, played by Michael Douglas and boils his daughter's pet rabbit."

That was also from wiki.

Now for questions.

List of questions:

1) What did fight start over.

2) What all did he (X) say.

2) What all did you say.


Your post is long but this information is needed to determin if you are as you call it a "Bunny Boiler". Once I get that info I think we can all answer better. Hope we can help you once you post that info.

[Pins]

The fight was over the fact that I wanted a child and he didn't. I didn't want to really bring up the issue at the time (It was way too early to be having this discussion, don't you think?), but he pushed me to talk about it, telling me I wasn't being honest by not talking about it.

He said he didn't want one.

I asked him for help getting over the fact that I wanted one. There were also tons of pathetic apologies. (BARF!)

Evidently, it was NOT OK for me to either want a child nor his assistance in getting over the fact that I wanted one. Nope, if I didn't want exactly what he wanted, I was to be kicked to the curb. Here I thought I was trying to compromise by honoring his wishes, but NOPE, that wasn't good enough. GRRRRRR.

This from the guy that told me, "We will get through the hard times together. No relationship is perfect, and being committed to the relationship and one another enough to get through our issues, is what makes a great one."

I NEVER threatened to do ANYTHING to him. Yeah, I got angry and called him a jackass for throwing it all away so easily (OK, the name-calling wasn't nice, I admit it)., but I didn't ever attack him personally. My XH used to do that to me all the time, would say things just to hurt me and get me to back down, so I don't do that to ANYBODY.

He's coming off of a nasty 10-year marriage, in which his XW cut him down constantly. She was "better" than him, had a better job, made more money, had a higher IQ, better friends, more class, yadda yadda yadda. (All bullshit, of course, because she destroyed their family by having an affair and shows no remorse whatsoever. IMO, an all-around cheap whore with no conscience at all!)

I wasn't his transition relationship (or maybe I was) because he's had relationships before me!

But I do have a higher IQ than him and make more money than him. These things aren't my fault, and other than the fact that we're female, I have nothing else in common with his XW. I NEVER stuck these things in his face.

Quite honestly, what a man makes or what job he does for a living isn't that big of a deal to me. It's more important to me that a man takes good care of what he has, lives within his means, and does a good job that he's proud of at work! Guys that take shit for granted or don't value what they have REALLY piss me off.

I can take care of myself, and am not looking for a hand-out from anybody. I'm looking for a relationship to fill my emotional desires, not my material ones.

Here, I thought I had really done some growing over the last couple of years. I'm willing to compromise (on certain things - this doesn't mean you're allowed to hit me, by any means), don’t' attack even if I'm angry, apologize and admit when I'm wrong, and think before I speak (respond, not react).

Evidently, this makes me a bunny boiler?????

[klickaroos]

Just move on girl...you don't need him in your life

[shh!]

All this drama out of people who are old enough to have been married 10 years? Jeezus, i thought we were talking about high school or college kids here.

Anyway, all I can tell you is that having children should be a non-negotiable topic. You want them, period. He doesn't, period. You two are not a match, period. What more is there to fight about? Just disengage.

[Zatguy]

You could wack off his penis and stick it in a pot of water and boil it.

[starbuck]

Just stop going to that forums, Pins. The people on there have obviously taken his side. I'm sure my last ex's friends say all sorts of nasty stuff about me, but the beauty of it is, I don't have to hear a word of it.

I honestly don't think you should have used an online message board to get support for your breakup if your ex was on the same board. That's asking for trouble in my opinion.

[Zatguy]

Just stop going to that forums, Pins. The people on there have obviously taken his side. I'm sure my last ex's friends say all sorts of nasty stuff about me, but the beauty of it is, I don't have to hear a word of it.

I honestly don't think you should have used an online message board to get support for your breakup if your ex was on the same board. That's asking for trouble in my opinion.

So true, I'm sick today, so didn't read everything on that long post D:

[Gribble]

Guys. This thread is two years old. Pins has posted a total of 19 times. She's gone.

[starbuck]

Guys. This thread is two years old. Pins has posted a total of 19 times. She's gone.

Doh! I hate it when that happens. Who freakin bumped this thread?

[Zatguy]

Just move on girl...you don't need him in your life

^^^^^ that's who lulz horay for newbies of the intranet

[shh!]

**shh! bitch-slaps kickaroos about 1000 times**