Libido

[Cardinal]

On a discussion in another forum it came to my attention that women who are overtly sexual in nature, and whose every action around men seems suggestive (at least to them) do not necessarily have strong libidos. They are not necessarily horny by nature and may not have a high sex drive by any means.

I think couples often discover a mismatch in libido well into the relationship. Certainly long after the first sexual encounter. That is an issue I would like for couples to be able to circumvent more at from the start (with my g/f I managed to get lucky and we are matched closely enough).

Short of just asking women randomly, (which I do) what reliable indicators are there of a high female libido? Given that physical movements and suggestivenessj/sexual nature don't necessarily correlate with high libidos, what are we males looking for here.

And furthermore, what are some tactful ways of approaching the issue. If a woman thinks you are not so interested in her since she has a low to moderate libido, that might seem a bit callous. But I do think it is important enough to a compatible relationship to find out early on. There is no point to having coffee with the wrong person.

[iulikewhoa]

There is no point to having coffee with the wrong person.

I am pretty sure thats not always the case, because meeting the wrong ones lead you to figure out what you really do want in a person... so the wrong ones are ideal...

but to answer your question...

I am incredibly sexual, sexually charged if you will and I am the same way in the bedroom... I like to talk about it, and have it... but thats just who I am. The way I dress, the way I act around men, I don't hide my true feelings about the issue.

BUT... there was another forum on here that had a post about slutty girls... well I think it is true in some cases that girls who wear revealing clothes SOMETIMES are actually quite conservative and prefer to take things slow, but just like wearing those clothes.

Things I would say to look out for when looking for someone who enjoys a good sack session include how she touches you, the looks she gives you, and what she says when the subject comes up... If you make it known that you are a sexual guy, if you are honest then its not like she can get mad and say "you are too sexual for me". She knew from the beginning. Honesty is key... but sometimes you need to ask the right questions... a girl may give it up easy, but she almost always needs a little nudge

[Cardinal]

iulikewhoa,

For someone unsure of what they want, I think having coffee with just about anyone would be a good idea to test the waters and at least get out there and have some experiences with people. I guess I am just a bit more sure of what I want. This is one of the few things I would want to know right away about a girl. Everything else can wait and develop in due time. I guess I am not always so patient.

I very much appreciate your response. Especially given that it is coming a woman with the type of sex drive I am looking for. Very high.

I think the reason my girlfriend and I have such a great sex life is because of how vocal I am about my libido. She knew from the beginning that I would always want it and would be constantly horny. I find her insanely attractive and love every inch of her body. That will never cease and I think she loves that sort of attention and intimacy.

It is scary how well it turned out since she had never masturbated (still hasn't), rarely felt the urge for sex, and was mainly just curious about it before she did it. That is what drove her to have sex with me the first time.

So basically, just like a man, a woman with a strong sex drive will think about it quite often and may not be able to help talking about it. Both body language and the way she touches you are good indicators to go along with that.

The touching and body language probably wouldn't be given as good indicators if the woman is shy. At that point, starting a conversation about sex would probably be the way to go about it. Opening up for someone well-versed in their sexuality migh be easy to do.

I like that. Seems like something I can definitely work with. Thank you!

[vashti]

I don't think it is unusual for women themselves to not know what their sex drives are like, so I don't think there is a guarantee in this department. All you can do is let her know discretely that you have a high drive, and that it has been a problem in other relationships, and then you will just have to take a chance.

Also, one thing to keep in mind about women is that our sex drives are all caught up in our emotions. In other words, if you aren't getting along so well outside the bedroom, you aren't going to get along well inside the bedroom, either.

Also, birth control pills are known to cause reduced libido in about 50% of women.

[Gigabitch]

I think you're correct in your observation that a woman's sexual behavior doesn't necessarily indicate sexual desire. I think if you can be bothered to have coffee with someone, you can try to figure out whether she's a sensual person- does she touch things, seem to enjoy the world around her on a personal level? That, to me, would indicate a person who might enjoy and want sex. Otherwise, she's just acting.

[Cardinal]

Vashti: I had never thought that a good percentage of women might not actually know how high their sex drives are. I would expect that from a woman who had not been in a LTR or who was very young. But perhaps it is true in general, especially when it comes to predicting where sex drive will be in the future. I ASSume too much. That women are fairly well in tune with their bodies and well as their needs and desires. That they undrestand how birth control and estrogen supplementation can effect sex drive as well as what to expect as they age. This is not always the case. Many people, men and women don't pay enough attention to what their bodies tell them imo.

If things were not going well outside the bedroom, I defininitely wouldn't expect much once the lights go dim. I might even react the same way in reverse.

Gigabitch:

I agree, someone that is very much in tune with the world around them will definitely be more likely to enjoy sexual interaction.

From what I gather so far, there are some outward indicators that are decent for gauging libido. Sensuality, touching, feeling, body language. Also there are more direct indicators such as her indicating a mental proclivity for sex all the time ( constantly talking about it)

But to know for sure I am pretty much going to need to ask. But rather than just directly ask and broach the subject immediately, I need to be a bit more tactful about it. As long as I make myself clear, that shouldn't be a problem.

I think I am starting to get it! Thanks for all the feedback!