Letting her go.

[tenderly]

Hello,

I'v never had an online relationship with anyone before, most of my relationships were person to person. But, for the past 2.5 years I'v had an online relationship with a woman who I seem to really care about, and Love, and it is clear to me she feels the same way online. We had spent almost everyday together for the past 2 years and a half talking to eachother, on the internet on the phone etc.

She is wonderful woman, even though I had never met her in person I feel very attached to her. Anyways, the problem is, things with her just don't seem right, or is it just me. Other then being loving, sweet and all those good things, she has a side that seems very secretive. She had given me her number before, and i did a search for it on a telephone directory, and it seems the phone number had belonged too someone with a diffrent name. I asked her and she said it was her sisters name. The same thing happened when I came accross her account informations, even with credit cards, all had the same name. Like before she told me it was her sisters. I don't know why she would use her sister when she is 28 with a great job. But, I gave her the benefit of the doubt, knowing that she had been raped along time ago, and I figure that could really put someone in that situation.

I guess she had changed her number, or maybe i lost it. Anyways, she won't give me her number anymore. She always calls me, she sends me gifts sometimes, but I'm not allowed to send her anything, since she won't give me her postal address. she also, wouldn't give me her house address so i could visit her. I'v asked her many times if i could come down to see her, and she always puts it off, makes one excuse after the other. But, I think I convinced her into letting me come see her, she said I could in august when she isn't busy. I asked again today and she said maybe. From what I have expierence when it comes to that time it will be a no.


I'v seen pictures of her, i guess its her since she a lot, lol. She won't get on web cam or anythign no matter how much i beg, I told her I just wanted to see her smile and nothing perverted. Which is true. I let her see me on my web cam, and she really enjoys it.

Anyways, I'v never been in an online relationship or this kind of situation, and its hard to deal with. I really care for her, and want to be with her very much pushing away my friends just to spend time with her. But it seems she won't let me close enough to really hold her. The one person I could say I "Love", is the one person who seems like they don't want to be with me in person. But, online they are so diffrent. I would fly down there to see her if i had the money to spend, I go to collage so it's not easy to pull 1000 dollars and fly down. I drive down, but I don't know her home address. She seems so truthful, when she says she really does care, and love me. Maybe I'm just gullable, or maybe it really is the truth.

I'v kept really faithful to her for the time we had been together, she is always on my mind all the time. She feels the same and even more, and that is what she tells me. the only thing is, she doesn't seem to care about seeing me, or having me come see her. She says she is to busy, which maybe true, but i don't see how it is, since she can spend so much time online with me., when she gets off of work, she comes to talk to me. She is a lawyer by the way. Which seems plausiable since she knows a lot about lawyer stuff.

Anyways, It's coming to the point of letting go, even though I really care for her still, she has really been the only woman, I'v ever given the chance to have such a long relationship to the point where I could say that I love her.But It's to hard to love, and care for someone without never being able to see them smile, or hug them, or just being near them. I'd give all the moments of my relationships, for the one moment that I could just touch her. But it seems so bleak, that I won't ever get to see her. I use to think that I would some day, but as day goes by it just seems like it isn't going to happen.

I sitll really love her, I don't want to let, but it seems I might have too, and I'm scared, I don't trust myself, I don't want to make a mistake, because I didn't trust her enough. I don't know if online relationships are like this and it's just me just not trusting her, or there is somethign wrong with this relationship.

Before I end up breaking up with her, i just wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing. I'm sorry this was long, but I thank you for taking the time to read.

[Ellynn]

I think ending it would be a VERY wise idea....

I mean 2.5 yrs and you still have NEVER met her? Plus the fact she has been so secretive.... How can you actually get to know her? Maybe you are getting to know someone else?! How do you know thats her in the pics? You can basically steal pics from anywhere and post them up as yourself u know? Just find someone who takes alot of pics of themselves and there ya go.... At least if she went on webcam she could prove to you in a way that its her....

I mean sure she maybe went thru alot (if its true...you never know!!) But if she honestly likes you, then WHY is she still being soooo secretive? To me thats a big red flag!

And how is it that you get her credit card info? (or her sis's for that matter?) Honestly thats not something I give out to people.....even if IM dating the guy! Plus it is weird to have everything under her sisters name... If she is 28 and has a good job.....then that wouldn't be the case... Somethings fishy....

And now she won't give you her number? Yeah thats messed up....

MOve on and find someone you can REALLY get to know......... NOt some fake fantasy online thing.....

[loss]

woah 2.5 years dude....as Ellynn said that might not be her in the photo....you better get serouse with her...

i'm not telling you what to do but it a suggestion..

[pinkpuca84]

she is a lawyer...and she gave ur her credit cards information? rrr......this is the first thing that came to my mind.

but for the webcam thingy...i myself really dont like using webcam at all. i HATE it so much! dont know why...i just dont like webcam. i'd rather people see me in person, or in a pic, but not in a webcam. i look like a robot in a webcam, especially when the internet connection is slow...arrrgghh,,,heheh...so i wont blame her for that. but i agree with Elynn, abt the red flag thingy, yea...there's definitely something very fishy going on there. maybe she's a fat, ugly, old, woman...ehhehe..(kidding). maybe she already got childrens, and just wants secret relationship outside her marriage.

i strongly suggest u shouldnt continue relationship with her. she is not real. if she trully loves u, she wouldnt hide anything from u. she would be honest, and definitely lets u see her! she has to show her she is smart by the way she acts, but at the moment, she hasnt shown u anything. i'm not a lawyer, but i know law, because i learnt it as one of my subject at uni. but just by understanding law doesnt mean i'm a lawyer. it's just knowledge. so dont believe taht she's a lawyer just because she says so, and just because she "seems" to know "lawyer" stuff. u know my point?

good luck.

[bucsgirl]

If she truly had feelings for you, she'd do anything possible to actually MEET you. I too fell head over heels for someone online. He lives in a different country, and didn't push it because he'd read my posts on the forums about long distance, which were NO WAY. I started reading his posts and my resistance to a LDR melted. He is just an incredible man, what can I say? We fell for each other bigtime and finally met on Valentine's Day this year. Spent an incredible week together, and are planning our future. LDR's are difficult to say the least and I'm not recommending or saying don't, and I don't even know if this is a distance issue. My point is that, if someone spent that much time getting to know you the reality is they'd want to meet you and would overcome any barriers or difficulties to do so. That's really the bottom line.
Hope you have the courage to do the right thing for YOU!