Do I give up??

[Bennyzilla]

I had been dating a girl for 2 1/2 years and everything was great, but she broke up with me for a guy she "liked" at work. All the while she continued to call me and tell me that she loves me, which she still does to this day. There have been about 4 seperate occasions where she's wanted to hang out and we ended up making out. She seems to have no idea what she really wants, but she IS dating this other guy now ( and was when we were making out ). I really love this girl and I want to know if this is a situation where I should just keep being there for her and doing what I have been, or should I cut all ties in an attempt to make her see what shes doing?

[vashti]

This girl sounds very confused, and I don't see this working out well for you. Are you okay with the girl you love dating other guys? If not, you really ought to break things off with her completely, and tell her you are not interested in sharing. You can tell her to call you if/when she would like to be in a relationship with you, but DON'T wait around for her for any significant length of time.

[Bennyzilla]

I'm really not okay with her dating other guys, but I've tried the whole cut all ties thing twice and she ended up crying and calling me constantly ( one night i ended up with 13 voicemails all from her). I really can't put up with doing that to her. She still calls me all the time to "just talk" like we used to and when I ask her why she isn't calling her new bf she just says that she doesn't want to talk to him, and that she wants to talk to me...I guess I was just hoping for someone to tell me that if I stand outside her house with a boombox in the rain or something like that it will all work out, but I don't see that coming up from anyone truthfully anytime soon...

[vashti]

Her behavior is extremely selfish; she doesn't care about YOU or YOUR feelings at all right now, else she wouldn't be doing this to you. You REALLY ought to cut things off completely so you can get on with the healing process and regain some of your dignity.

PS - the crying is a manipulation tactic, which so far has worked. Take care of yourself, my friend. She won't do it for you.

[Bennyzilla]

I guess I still feel like she wants to be with me again, she's just confused right now. I'm alittle worried that if I cut all ties and actually go through with it, she'll talke it as rejection and confirmation that this other guy is the one to be with. I just want a way to tell her that I love her and have her know that I still do, without being walked all over like I have been..

[vashti]

It is true that putting your foot down puts you at risk of losing her, but you may gain some self-respect in the process, not to mention you will be opening yourself up to eventually meeting someone who cares more about you.

In the end, I guess you will have to decide if you would rather be treated like you are right now, or if you are willing to take the risk.

[Ellynn]

Yeah, Why are you letting her do this to you? I'm sorry but you need to make it clear that she NEEDS to choose either him or you... The crying act is just to see what she can get away with.... Don't let her do that to you! I mean yeah you might lose her, but why would you want to be with someone who can't decide what she wants and yet goes back and forth between you and some other guy...

I wonder if this guy even has a clue about whats going on? I also wonder if she was doing this with this other guy (making out etc) while she was with you?

Definately put your foot down and make her choose..... Yes you might lose her, but honestly whats the loss if shes so quick to go to that other guy? Don't let her mess with your emotions... There are other girls out there....

[miffi01]

She broke up with you - not the other way around - therefore, she's the one who "rejected" you for someone she "liked". And yet, you're putting HER feelings before your own. You've got every right to ask her to make a decision because this was her choice and doing in the first place! She's having her cake and eating it too! See she's with this other guy, yet hasn't lost you completely! It's very selfish and manipulative behaviour. No one deserves that! Just be careful.