Is this chick nuts, or is this normal?

[Mr. E]

Alright, I met a girl through a sporting event. Not long after meeting her, she coincidentally broke up with a guy after going out for a little less than a year. From what I understand, he wasn't the most honest guy and she just didn't feel like dealing with his crap anymore.

I started talking to her as a friend online, but we realized we had quite a bit in common and it progressed from there. She lives a couple hours away. I'm not one to jump into getting involved with someone, especially when there's a complication like distance involved. However, we agreed to spend a day together a couple of weeks ago.

Everything went great. We kept it plutonic because she was still going through the break up thing. We still had a great time though.

Within less than a week, she made a trip to see me. This time, it was a little more than plutonic, nothing too fancy, but more than the first time we hung out.

So we talk on the phone and online and everything sounds good. She told me how great it was to be with me and all that jazz. I felt the same way and told her so. Then, out of nowhere, she tells me a relationship between the two of us can't happen. I ask her why and she refers to the distance thing. I played it cool because she's said something similar before and it obviously didn't mean much.

So I tell her that it's up to her, but I know she's lying to herself. That seemed to win her back.

So it's been another week. We haven't seen each other, but we've been in touch quite often. Everything's going well. Then, once again and out of nowhere, she says it's not going to work out. I got a bit annoyed at this point and failed to keep it cool. The conversation ended on a sour note. I later needed to ask her something unrelated to the relationship thing. After that, I asked her why she said what she did. Long story short, I think I was able to turn it back around, but I don't know if I should even bother anymore.

Here's what I like about this girl:
She's open minded
She's smart (not just kinda smart, but rocket science smart)
She's into the same hobbies I am
She appreciates my personality for what it is
She's funny
She's gorgeous
She's like no one I've ever met
She's frisky

So should I make the effort and continue or should I cut my losses?
Is she crazy or is this something some girls do?

Thanks,
Mr. E

[vashti]

I think she is merely pointing out that logistically speaking, the distance is an issue. And it is.

Why not go with the flow for a while?

[Mr. E]

That's exactly what I suggested. I suggested we just try it and see how it goes. I said that if the distance proved to be an issue, then we'd both realize that it wasn't going to work. She said she didn't feel like trying and then told me was just confused.

[Gigabitch]

If you take it really slow, she'll probably come around. She's still getting over someone else. As described, she's worth waiting for.

If you know how to listen, people are usually telling you what you need to know. She's telling you to slow down. She sounds like she's kind of paniced. Maybe she's falling for you and isn't ready.

[joe1234]

take it slowly i had nearly the same problem with the fact that when i asked her out she still was kinda shellshocked at having broken up with her bf. well i took things slowly and things are getting better. we call eachother almost daily now, and i notice her getting closer to me every day. i think she likes me but isnt ready. the same thing may be happening to you.

[Mr. E]

Thanks for the advice. It makes a lot of sense. I do listen, but I guess I've gotta hone my skills a bit. I, like most guys, have trouble deciphering mixed signals.

I want to go visit her this weekend. Is that a good idea? The main thing I fear is that this whole thing will turn into yet another friendship. Any tips as to what I should do to keep the flame lit?

Thanks again,
Mr. E

[Gigabitch]

For some reason, when I first saw that I thought, "Don't go!"

I think you're in danger of slipping into the Friend Zone if you are willing to hang out with her when she's not really willing to date you. I think she really needs someone to be there for her right now, so she can process her breakup, and I don't think that person should be you. She needs some time to hang out with her girlfriends, get pedicures, whatever.

Stay firm on the definition of what you want from her.

[Mr. E]

Just wanted to thank everyone who replied. You guys rock!

Things seem to be going a bit better now. After talking to her a bit about this, I've found that she was under the impression that I was trying to rush into a relationship with her. She seemed to read it as me thinking we were in a relationship when we're not. I can definitely understand why she was confused and talking about a relationship between us being impossible.

Since then, so far so good (knock on wood). It'll be interesting to see what happens. I'm sure I'll be using this site as time goes on.

Thanks again,
Mr. E