Maybe give up? Not sure...

[kappazetta777]

Hello everyone, one of my first posts here so just getting started.... wondering what people think about this situation. I'll give you some history behind it:

I've known this one girl for years named Courtney, we've been talking and have alot of the same interests and she's a wonderful person. A few years back we started to fall for eachother, we went beyond the friendship step and became attracted by who we were and everything (character etc.). The only trouble was she was very busy, and we would sometimes not talk for even a couple months at a time due to schedules and personal life on both our parts, we'd keep in touch but rarely.

Then one day we kind of made a decision to try and wait for eachother for marriage and things, it just felt right and good. But then once again we lost touch, this time for a much longer time, about 6 months I'd say.

Well of course in the mean time, I met someone locally who was simply....wonderful, she was attractive, both physically and in character to me, she was intelligent, fun, she understood me well, I'd say she was about perfect for me, as much as that's possible in finding another to match. Her and I became fairly close in a short time, and not even intentionally, we just really hit it off easily. Well some time went by, more weeks and even another month of just getting to know this new friend, her name is Kaitlyn.

So what happened was I wasn't sure what else to do, and this Kaitlyn girl was really wonderful in so many ways, we got along so well, and she actually asked me to date her, or if I wanted to go out. I was hesitant to answer because of my past convictions but I gave in. This again had been after months of not even getting a response or a single word from this other girl Courtney.

Now here's where the trouble started... probably 2 months into the relationship (this was around Christmas to February now) this girl Courtney calls up and of course wants to know about things and how I'm doing and such, reminding me of past feelings and everything. I think I had given into Kaitlyn because of loneliness really, I felt so deserted by Courtney. Well being the honest guy I am (usually), I told Courtney about what was going on, which of course upset her, she was actually kind of mad and sad at the same time...that bothered me to see her hurt, I never wanted to hurt her. She gave me an ultimatum that I had to break it off with Kaitlyn entirely. So I really did, I broke it off with her and she was hurt as well...I really didn't like doing that but I felt it was necessary to maintain what already had been started in the first place.

The problem is I don't think Courtney's ever forgiven me, it's not as if I had sex with Kaitlyn (I am waiting for marriage), no more than some kissing or cuddling in our time together. But she said she's not sure if she can forgive... now this is confusing, because Courtney and I were never officially dating, we only had a mutual interest in eachother, we were not boyfriend and girlfriend, more of an unspoken close friend who COULD be someone you're dating. Well now since then she's talked to me less, in some ways she's come around and become more of a friend once again, but it's not the same, and I think she's interested in others anyway so I'm not sure what to do. Another thing is since that day about 2 years ago when I broke it off with Kaitlyn, I've never dated another girl, I've avoided it in some ways, but at times I get lonely again. She seems to be okay with us being friends but I'm not sure what to do...

She actually slept with a guy some months after that whole incident and she told me, I was pained because I wanted to be her first... but I forgave her for it, and she still doesn't seem to care. She'll encourage me, she'll be a friend at times, but she's more distant now and also going to college in Oregon, living in Texas besides that. It aches my heart though because I really feel for her, I can't get her out of my mind and whenever I think of dating someone it still always goes back to her in my mind. I push it aside though, I ignore those feelings alot because I know she probably hardly cares anymore and doesn't want to give it another chance. At least that's the way she portrays herself by her response to things or lack of it...

But I don't believe love is merely a feeling, it's also a choice, she seems to be choosing other options it seems, at least she was dating some other guy in college and now they broke up, but she is in a relationship right now it seems (or so her profile says on a certain site) and I can only assume it's a certain guy by the comments he makes... I don't know, maybe she's changed too much and there's no point in bothering with her anymore, she really is wonderful and we bond well together but I don't think her heart's in it anymore, just trying to be her friend, not expecting much.

Any suggestions would help, I may sound like some old romantic but that's how I am, I'm emotional and generally loyal-minded. Thanks friends!

[bluestrattos]

Why ? Why on Earth, would you leave a real thing with Kaitlyn, to be (if i can really say that) with Courtney, someone that talk with you sometimes, someone that seems to not share the same values as you ?

[vashti]

Sorry, but you never DID have a real relationship with this Courtney girl, and you were very silly to break off with Kaitlyn. What were you thinking?

It is probably way too late to patch things up with Kaitlyn, but I really think you need to start pursuing more normal relationships, meaning ones in which you have regular contact with someone. In my opinion, you have completely wasted all of this time for a pseudo-girlfriend.

[Larna81]

I have to say that I agree totally with vashti.

I am sorry but it seems like you have ruined your chances with Kaitlyn, I am however sure that you will be able to move on and find someone else.

I wish you all the best with your future relationships

[kai]

forget courtney and find some other girl . I know it is late for Kaitlyn but u can ask her . I know it sound stupid but u'll not loose anything for trying . But for god sake forget that courtney and find someone else

[totalcmd]

I have the same problem to you. I told Courtney girl that i have someone else, but she said she will become a bad girl (dating guy and then break up) if i left her. When i was with Kaitlyn, i feel so good, talking, joking, and have fun. I also have good time with Courtney, but now i try to make her happy, but i feel guilty, because i like another girl. I don't know why i do like that. May be i dont know what is a true love, or i'm playing a game. Just feel bad for doing that

[kappazetta777]

Thanks for your replies everyone, yeah I felt really bad that I messed up with that girl Courtney, she really was wonderful, or maybe I am kidding myself and there's no point in even thinking that way, might only cause more lonely feelings. Yeah Kaitlyn is actually married, she met another guy maybe a few months after that and seems to be somewhat happy and she's actually appreciative we broke it off because then she wouldn't have met her current husband. Oh well hey? As someone once said "It is better to have loved and then lost, than to never have loved at all." (not sure who) Yeah I need to have a real relationship, thanks for being real with me too friends.

[Ellynn]

Go for someone realistic and that shares the same moral attitude as you..