What really is love??

[Kay-C]

i m a new guy around here...and have some questions i want to ask. i'm at the age of 21 and just have a problem here. i never had any experience on love before and never dated before. Some might laugh at me or kinda feel like i'm a weirdo nt havin tat kinda experience. Since at my age, college life is the broadest chance to create love.
So is it common for a person like me at the age of 21, not knowin what is love?
i felt funny b'cos most of my friends have dated before, and just dun understand it. Why must i face a different situation as compared to them?
From what i learnt from my friends...they said my fate has not arrived yet. Does fate really contributes alot in love?? Perhaps there might be some cultural differences in this 'fate' comment. But mostly my people there think fate is important.
And sometimes looking at people holding hands, go dating or whatever...sometimes it drives me to anxiety. Why am i so desperate? i, myself dun even understand??

[vashti]

What is love? Love is what is left over after infatuation wears off.

I don't really believe in "fate", but statistically speaking, most people seek and are able to find a deep connection with another human at your stage in life, so for you to be desperate for it is not surprising. Be careful with showing this feeling of desperation, though, since it is alienating.

[Kellie_Sabrina]

I believe in fate... I think what is meant to be will be!
I'm an idealist when it comes to romance & love.

I am sure you are experiencing some disturbance by the fact that you are alone while all around you people are not, or at least they have had these "love" experiences. Love is a beautiful affection between two people, so of course, you want to share that w/someone. Truth is, we are all looking for love. But, we are not all letting that loneliness or emptiness that we may be feeling get in the way of our happiness. I think you are doing just that! You can't MAKE someone love you, or make yourself love someone. It's something that happens, most often, when you least expect it. So just enjoy life... it's short! Your love is out there! You just haven't found it yet, & there's nothing wrong w/that! If you condescend to this "desperate" state, then you might just have a series of unfortunate relationships & be turned off by love. Just have fun, it will happen! You will make someone very happy someday! Maybe not today, but someday!

[Whizza]

I'm not in exactly the same situation but I do feel exactly like you. I've had girlfriends but mostly I've spent my time agonising over why I'm not being successful in finding true love. I can completely relate to what you're saying. I actually find it quite frustrating that I see so many people of our age who are apparently enjoying loving relationships. Having said this I feel strongly that what we're seeing in these people isn't love...it's actually a cross between lust, growing up, and an attempt to satisfy that love shaped void in most peoples' hearts. It actually makes me sick (probably with jealousy) to see people like that all over each other when after a little poking around you can usually discover that the only thing they have in common is mutual stupidity. Most of these people don't have a proper emotional bond, the real core of love, instead they wallow in each other's good looks, headonistically exploring each other's sexuallity and fooling themselves into thinking that they've found their life partner. Well I've seen true love and it knows attractiveness but it doesn't feed off of it, it bonds your soul to the other person and as crappy as it sounds it makes ONE person.

I'm a relatively good-looking guy and despite being more pessimistic than Woody Allen I've managed somehow to get dates with girls (usually no thanks to anything I've done) and they've ended in failure. The truth is I'm just as superficial as everyone else is, although my warped view has kinda lead me to timid 'looking' girls. You have to get to know someone before you can find out what they're really like, and I mean get to know them to the point that they're comfortable with you in their house. Until then everybody is social-acting and some people are surprisingly good at it. I don't think you can guess what your true love will be like either. You will find them and you will know. Of course you might never find them which is unlikely. If however you don't find them you could always dumb yourself down (because you obviously enjoy thinking and you're probably quite clever) and start dating women purely for sexual satisfaction.

As for me, I'm stuck in an endless cycle of enfatuation, hanging into sanity by a hair. Hopefully one day we'll both find the right girl.

[Kay-C]

I am sure you are experiencing some disturbance by the fact that you are alone while all around you people are not, or at least they have had these "love" experiences. Love is a beautiful affection between two people, so of course, you want to share that w/someone. Truth is, we are all looking for love. But, we are not all letting that loneliness or emptiness that we may be feeling get in the way of our happiness. I think you are doing just that! You can't MAKE someone love you, or make yourself love someone. It's something that happens, most often, when you least expect it. So just enjoy life... it's short! Your love is out there! You just haven't found it yet, & there's nothing wrong w/that! If you condescend to this "desperate" state, then you might just have a series of unfortunate relationships & be turned off by love. Just have fun, it will happen! You will make someone very happy someday! Maybe not today, but someday!

Thx for the advice...i really appreciate it a lot! Fate or no?? I am always stuck in the middle of these two words. Perhaps my time has not arrived yet, some might say there will be a day...but sometimes i am thinking that, WHAT IF i really can't find the person i love for the rest of my life? Fear always spread whenever i think of this question.
I have never dated before, is there something wrong with me? Is not that i like to avoid making friends or girls. Some friends who don't know me well always think that i am bluffing when i say i've never dated before at my age. Because from my looks and attitude, i don't look like a person who is still single.

[Kay-C]

I'm not in exactly the same situation but I do feel exactly like you. I've had girlfriends but mostly I've spent my time agonising over why I'm not being successful in finding true love...

Well, perhaps i'll have to make some modifications from your comment. At least you had girlfriends before as for me, i never had any. Or perhaps your requirement of finding true love is too high? that's why you have a problem of not finding a true one. I am more than happy if i can find at least one love. I hope both of us can find the true girl of course!

[Larna81]

I have several friends who have only just started dating, they have been busy with schooling and the like and also haven't been too open about their feelings.

They are finding it hard to find people who can understand them and have the time and patience to understand their situation.

With a little persistance and patience I am sure they will find their special someone. As will you.

I believe you will find someone, just stay strong, confident, be aware of what girls like, perhaps read a book or two about dating, and keep an open mind about the type of girl you would like.

Good luck!!

You'll do great!

[Kay-C]

thanks for da opinions anyway! perhaps i'll have to think bout having a lot of patience in this situation.

[Kellie_Sabrina]

Thx for the advice...i really appreciate it a lot! Fate or no?? I am always stuck in the middle of these two words. Perhaps my time has not arrived yet, some might say there will be a day...but sometimes i am thinking that, WHAT IF i really can't find the person i love for the rest of my life? Fear always spread whenever i think of this question.
I have never dated before, is there something wrong with me? Is not that i like to avoid making friends or girls. Some friends who don't know me well always think that i am bluffing when i say i've never dated before at my age. Because from my looks and attitude, i don't look like a person who is still single.

Let me just first say this... THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!!

Ok, I feel better!

I agree that you do need to practice some patience. And for the love of God, stop blaming yourself! Just b/c you are not having these same experiences, that you find to be the norm, doesn't mean that YOU have any problem at all.

And it's quite common for young people to think about their future & worry. In your case, you are worrying about finding someone to spend your life with. Just stop worrying & start living! If you put yourself out there (& by that I don't mean in a desperate way!), you will find someone to begin a relationship with. You are only 21! That is by no means old! You have PLENTY of time to settle down.

If you are looking for a serious relationship right now (which also seems to be the case!), then just make yourself avaliable (again, in a non-desperate kind of way!), & meet people. I advise you to get out there & date!

[Gigabitch]

Where's OV? I can't wait for him to put in his tarnished two cents.

IMO, love will sneak up on you one day and kick your doubting ass. Wait for it.