I think I'm falling in love with a girl who has a boyfriend

[Lukas]

So its my first day of class in college (Junior year) and there is this beautiful girl in my class. After class I decide to talk to her so I catch her in the hallway and we just started talkin, introductions, etc. So its been 4 days of class with her so far and we have been having great conversations and I make her laugh a lot and there is a very good vibe so I decide to ask her for her number. When I do ask her face gets all red and in a really sad way she says "i cannnnnt im not single" so I ask "oh serious relationship or something ?" and she says yea. I act cocky and tell her its ok im not the jealous type and she just laughs and we say our byes. I catch her going home and basically tell her that look you know I like you but I dont want you to feel uncomfortable or anything when we go to class and she says no im not dont worry about it i understand.

At this point i still like her very much and I am wondering if she really does have a bf (girls lie sometimes you know?). So as the term progresses we see each other every day, always sit next to each other, and talk a lot. We become very good friends over the course of just a few weeks, and every day I spend with her I like her more and more and I feel the same from her towards me. She did bring up her BF in conversations a few times and not exactly anything positive, but not that negative either and I never bring him up or ask cause honestly I dont really wanna hear it. Oh yea, and I DO get her number after the first rejection.

So anyhow we have an amazing vibe when we are together and she is always laughing, touches me a lot, like grabs my arm or my shoulder and stuff like that mid convo, and i tend to do the same to her. We are very playful when were together and sometimes she just cant stop smiling and her face gets all red when I look at her. Sometimes I held her hand for just a bit and she had a smile the whole time and the conversations just flow and we both make each other laugh a lot and like I said it just gets better everyday. We also always kiss hello and goodbye but never on the mouth. Eventually I do ask about her bf and it turns out shes been with him for 1 year and 10 months. When I asked so is he the "one" she just said heh i dont know.

But heres the twist. Its all good on campus but when I ask her to do something on the weekends. She tells me ok, and that she'll call me, or I call her, doesn't matter ,and well meet up and do something. I call her, shes never home or just doesnt pick up (its her home number she doesnt have a cellphone) and the next monday she tells me ohhh i couldnt call sorry i was really busy or i was with my bf or it was my friends birthday. Basically all 3 times I tried to do something with her outside of school it failed. After that I gave up, but that amazing vibe between us was still there and still is to the day I type this.

I dont know what to do. I feel like I am falling in love with her. I never met a girl that I like this much before in my life (and its not just because of her looks, the more i got to know her the less I actually care about her looks) or that I have this much in common with. Today I sent her this email "Just tried callin again but no one picks up as usual =P. Anyway I wanted to say that I really like spending time with you and I feel that we got a good vibe all the time but we never doin anythin outside of campus (how come ?) so I want to chill with you tomorrow. Tomorrow would be really good for me cause I am completely free the whole day but if not whats good for the weekend/memorial day. Let me know "

What should I do ? Two weeks ago she asked me to take summer classes with her and I did and I cant change them now, so well be seeing each other 4x a week this summer for 1 and a half months. Its so weird and feels one sided at times but not others. Like shell never call me, ever. Shes only emailed me once. But when we are together its completely different. She always offers to buy me food and is always smiling, is very playful with me, and when I am with her it feels like we have been friends and known each other for years and she is very straight forward about everything except well...us.

Advice appreciated.

[Ellynn]

I think she just likes the attention. For now, shes off limits. She has a bf, shes still with him....and shes blown you off outside of school many times. That alone should let you know she just thinks of you as a friend. She probably does not want to give you the wrong impression or lead you on any further by doing stuff with you outside of school. So, if you can handle it, be her friend. If not, then I guess your gonna be stuck with her over summer classes. But I wouldn't wait around for her.

[kai]

You should ask her abt her bf . Ask her if she have any picture of his bf. Coz You've to make things clear between you and her . I also think it can be a crush . If she doesn't want you as ur bf then be a friend of her

[Gigabitch]

Aren't you feeling a little bit like she's stringing you along? Do you think you're the backup boyfriend or are you in the Friend Zone?

How could you want to be with someone who's doing all this behind her bf's back? How could you ever trust her?

[Lukas]

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Heres a sorta update to my situation. I completely stopped talking to her for a week, no emails, no calls, and the last time i saw her in class and knew i wouldnt see her for another week i just said hey hows it goin, listened to the lecture, got up and said cya tuesday.

So after 1 week of not talking to her she just calls me out of nowhere this sunday which she never does just to "talk". We just talked for like 20 mins, and I felt compelled to ask her to go do something memorial day, but since she didnt say anything neither did I. Then today she wasn't in class and about 1 hour after its over she calls me and asks why I wasnt in school and I was like huh ? I was, i didnt see you....She tells me that she just came in to hand in the assignment and left about 10 mins and its weird how she didnt see me at all. Anyhow we talked again for about 20 mins again and it was a good convo, lots of laughing on both sides.

So once again I am confused. Does she just want to be friends or more ? Until I stopped giving her attention she never called me even once in almost 2 months, but in this last week since I backed off her shes called me 2x talking my ear off. I really dont know what to make of this or what I can say to her to clear things up between us without ruining anything.

[Gigabitch]

What would you be ruining? I'd say things have actually improved. I don't think it would be a mistake to tell her straight up that you want to date her, and ask her what the deal is with the bf. Don't press her for an answer, but make the offer. Then, continue with the hands-off approach.

I think it's working.

[Ellynn]

Yeah, maybe she realizes she misses you when your not there...as a friend that is....or possibly more.

I think your doing the best thing you can do right now....being her friend.and acting a bit more distant. If you cling to her, shes never gonna make any efforts on her part. If you become more distant, then what do u know? Shes called u to talk etc....


Keep doing what you are doing....and also ask her what her deal is with her bf? Another good way to get across your feelings is to tell her that her bf is a lucky guy....and then walk away.. I think by that she will understand how your feeling and hopefully make up her mind once and for all what SHE wants. I just don't think its fair of her to string you along in the process...

[sweet_thing23]

I think, she has a bf then hands off. Be friends but don't pressure her by saying you like her and stuff. How would you feel if she was your gf and some other guy was talking to her and hanging out with her like you are?

[Lukas]

update on situation. since I made this thread we have grown even closer and have been more intimate but without kissing on the lips or anything like that.

shes broken up with her boyfriend and shes been with him for a year and a half and just broke up like 2 weeks ago. He was the only guy shes ever been with. She mentioned to me in a conversation when I brought him up that they are no longer together.

Yesterday I told her you probably already know this but I really like you and want to be more than friends. She said how are you gonna tell me this when you know I just broke up. Im still not over him, I think Im still in love with him, etc, etc. But she says she never wants to see him again cause they just aren't compatible as people.

I dont know what to do or say to her now. I know she really likes me but I dont know where to go from here. she didnt give me the bs "i think we should just stay friends" line, but at the same time I fell no closure on what she wants. next time i see her is in class, this monday, once again =\

[Sandman]

Some how this seems so oddly familure....

I was in a very similar situation and It almost worked out the way yours is right now. My suggestion is to watch yourself very closely, she may still have a close attachment to her ExBF, especially if he took her virginity. Give it a couple of months, if it still feels the same then you are one lucky guy. Just try to put your self in her shoes.....

GO FOR IT!

[skye.m]

But you gotta give her some space first. I mean, she just broke up with her boyfriend of almost two years. That takes some getting over. Don't rush her, or you'll ruin things for both of you. Take it easy, back of for a bit. Give it a few more weeks.

[Lukas]

Do you think it would be a bad idea to ask her to do something together next weekend? I already told her I understand she needs time, etc., and asked her if shes still cool after what I said and she said yea she is, said shes "straight" and told me not to worry about it. So we are pretty much back to how we have always been but I dont know where to go from here. Sometimes we sit together like on a bench or something outside very close, basically touching each other side to side and I just wanna put my arm around her but I don't know how shell react or if I even should.

[skye.m]

I'd advise not to at this stage. Time is of the essence and all that...

[vashti]

I would tell her you want to date her when she is ready, and then continue with the hands-off approach. You don't want to be the guy whose shoulder she cries on about her ex boyfriend - that is what her girlfriends are for.

[clynn]

I agree with what vashti said.