Should I reach out to him or wait for him to contact me (or just try to move on)

[keybludger]

Long story short I started to date a friend of mine last semester. Everything was good and the feelings were mutual. After being separated during the summer (me going home for the summer break) it was not the same when he were back together. He acted cold towards me and eventually I found out that he had slept with our common friend that we had. I was very hurt and cut things completely with him (deleted on snapchat). He apologized for what he had done and told me how he finds it difficult to trust and open up to girls after previous failed relationships and so he had subconsciously acted mean towards me to kind of push me away as he did not want me to feel too strong feelings for him and he did not want to get hurt. Anyhow 3 weeks went and he tried to call me, when I did not reply he texted me saying "I am tired of us acting like we hate each other". I gave him a short reply "I have never said that I hate you, I just don't have anything to say to you that's all." He never responded to that and it's been almost over 1 month since he tried to contact me now.

As much as I have been trying to move on it still bothers me that we never ended it on good terms. We live too close and have too many common friends that it always reminds me of him and I miss him so terribly much.

I know if he really cared he would have contacted me by this point but I just keep hoping that he is just scared that if he tried to contact me then I will reply with rejection again. He have been watching my instagram stories so obviously he knows what I am up to.

The chances of him contacting me ever again are very slim I assume. I have just wondered if he wants to contact me but is respecting me by not to (I had written and told him not to contact me which he had said that he respected, although he had tried to drunk call me that time that I mentioned above).

I KNOW that I should move on but I honestly just want to talk with him face to face and tell him that I am not angry anymore. That life is too short for it and I will consider him to be the friend he used to be to me before we dated.

But me contacting him is not smart right? I don't want him to think that I am still crazy about him. Yes I still have feelings but after the things he did to me they don't feel as strong. I just want to get a better closure with him and consider him a friend again (no I would not hang out with him I think I just like the thought of knowing that we would be good again).

[Snow White]

Why would you want to be friends with him after what he did to you? Maybe deep down, you wanted him to chase after you when you told him not to.He showed no remorse for his disrespectful behavior and just fed you a bunch of bullshit excuses. I think you wanted him to beg for your forgiveness and take him back.
Women love to talk and have closure by discussing all our feelings about the situation but, obviously, he has moved on and is fine. He is obviously over you and the whole situation. He doesn't need closure and he doesn't care about having a friendship with you. You need to move on like he has.

[TheEvilJester]

My first question, if you don't mind answering, was why were you two separated over the summer? Could you not have kept in touch, at least? As a follow-up question, did you two talk about that in advance of the summer? In other words, did you talk to each other about the fact that you'd be apart for the summer so you probably wouldn't be in contact much, and should just check in when you were back in the fall?

Because, if you hadn't had any kind of talk like that and then you just suddenly disappeared on him... I could maybe understand him being upset about that. I mean, even if that IS the case, he could have handled it better. But I could understand him being upset if you just dropped off the face of the earth on him.

Truth be told, either way, I think my personal advice would be to just move on. You two had a falling out, but then he apologized for his wrong-doing in the situation and moved on. This is one of those situations where I just personally don't see the benefit in dragging it up again.

....BUT...I'm not you. So, maybe you DO feel you need that closure. Maybe you do feel you need to set things right once and for all even if you don't expect to be close friends again after it. So, if that is how you feel, I guess my advice would just be to tread lightly in how you handle it. Like, I'd say maybe just message him (e-mail, text, whatever) with something short but sweet like "Hey, after thinking about it I sort of didn't like how we left things. I know we didn't necessarily work out as anything more, but I'd love to remain friends."

That's just off the top of my head, so obviously put that in your own words if you do that. Maybe if you feel there are things you did wrong, you can apologize for that. Then just leave it at that. Like I said, my personal advice would be just to forget it and move on. He has. What would be the point in reaching out again? But, I do definitely understand that sometimes that is much easier said than done.

Best of luck to you either way.