Should I tell him?

[Shiverring]

A while back this guy forced himself on me and its been messing with my head. Guess the whole things kind of shaken me up. I don't know whether to tell my bf or not. He knows somethings up as I haven't been myself. I'm just worried that if I tell him that he wont believe me or he'll think I cheated or something. Really don't know what to do for the best. I'm so scarred I really don't want to tell anyone else about it..

How would you guys react if your gf told you something like this? Would you want to know? Would you believe her? Any advice would really help me out here...

[Steven715]

Well if it was me i would like to know what my GF is worryed about and i aslo would like her to tell me things that is troubleing her and i would like to help her through it! After all said than done keeping some thing like this from your bf is not going to be good for both of you like you say he already knows that something is wrong and he may even think that there is something to it if you leave it! I personaly would tell him as if you have trust and you realey do like eachother then you will pull through. The trouble is that people do react in diffrent ways you could say i am a push over but if that means that my gf can talk to me with problems then i dont cair if i am. Let me put it this way if you leave it then expect things to get more complecated with your realetionship!
Edit: I hope this helps you out let us know how you get on

[Kellie_Sabrina]

A boyfriend shouldn't be just someone for you to make out with or hang out with. He should be a man who will take care of you & love you. He's not there to judge you or hurt you in any way. And he wants to know when you are troubled & why.

So... tell him! If he is any kind of boyfriend (who truly cares about you), he will understand. He will be there for you, & in turn your relationship will grow stronger.

Don't sell him short! He just may surprise you!

[Steven715]

A boyfriend shouldn't be just someone for you to make out with or hang out with. He should be a man who will take care of you & love you. He's not there to judge you or hurt you in any way. And he wants to know when you are troubled & why.

So... tell him! If he is any kind of boyfriend (who truly cares about you), he will understand. He will be there for you, & in turn your relationship will grow stronger.

Don't sell him short! He just may surprise you!

Yeah like she said! It was what i was trying to say!
Thanks for that Steve

[Kellie_Sabrina]

Yeah like she said! It was what i was trying to say!
Thanks for that Steve

Your welcome!

[PeCuLiAr DuDe]

if it was me, I would want to know right away. Everybodies different, but that is a very serious subject that should never be taken as a joke.

Your boyfriend should be your support, what is he if he isn't.

[wildadrenaline]

think you should just go ahead & tell your bf about it. i believe as your bf, he'll believe you. what's more, nobody would like to see his gf being troubled & not knowing anything right. vice versa

[Gigabitch]

I want to know why you didn't tell your bf right away. I read by your concern that he would think you cheated that you were together with him when this thing occured- how did you end up keeping that a secret?

[Blix]

*If he's a good boyfriend [in my opinion] he'll believe you straight away and not doubt you. He'll aslo want to phsyically and mentally beat the sh*t out of this guy (I mean this very literally if he really cares about you... if you know he's explosive like this be careful he might land himself in court or something.)

If the other guy actually RAPED you then go to a councellor with your boyfriend there after you've told him first. (Don't spring it infront of the councellour)

Just be careful... get the guy who did this to you back though, without yuor guy getting himself into to much trouble. But don't keep it to yourself.

~Blix

[vashti]

"forced himself on you"... Interesting choice of words. What exactly do you mean? I am wondering why you didn't choose to say he *raped* you. Also, like Giga, I don't understand why your boyfriend would consider that cheating, and if he did, why you would even want him..

[tremer]

Well I think you should tell him. If he does not beleive you or if he thinks you cheated then that is not much of a relationship. You need trust for it to last more than a couple years of bliss. This also means you are obligated to tell him if it is making you act different.

And YES, I would want to know if it was my gf.

[Shiverring]

Thanks for all the advice guys I really appreciate it. Sorry its been a few days I've just been a bit shaken up by this hole thing so I felt I needed to go home for a while. I still haven't told my bf yet, I think your right that I should its just finding the right moment and everything

"forced himself on you"... Interesting choice of words. What exactly do you mean? I am wondering why you didn't choose to say he *raped* you. Also, like Giga, I don't understand why your boyfriend would consider that cheating, and if he did, why you would even want him..

this guy didnt properly rape me or anything, sorry if I gave that impression didn't really think about what I put. I gues he tried to kinda.. think he was really drunk. he just sort of forced me against a wall and started kissing me.. I told him to stop but he didn't. got some brusies from his pushing me. but there was other people not far off, so eventually he let me go and I managed to get away, so nothing really bad happened. Sorry if I gave the wrong impression... didn't mean to just wasn't thinking.

Again thank you all for the great advice, I think I probably will tell him, but I'm kinda scarred how he'll take it... maybe I just don't know him well enough yet. Think he may flip so I'm wary. Maybe I shouldn't tell him since its done now, I just need to pull myself together and get over it I guess. its not like anyone can do anything about it as noone saw it happen and i'm not sure if i'd even recognise him again as it was dark and he had a hoody thing on. I just want to forget it all really.

Thanks again guys!

[tremer]

This guy didnt properly rape me or anything, sorry if I gave that impression didn't really think about what I put. I gues he tried to kinda.. think he was really drunk. he just sort of forced me against a wall and started kissing me.. I told him to stop but he didn't. got some brusies from his pushing me. but there was other people not far off, so eventually he let me go and I managed to get away, so nothing really bad happened.

that is something bad, You shouldnt feel like he has to rip your clothes off and force entry to rape you. Sure it could have been worse but what happened is also bad. Sorry to hear this and guys like this give good guys a bad rap. He will probably eventually rape someone, its sad.

[blue]

tell him. Sammy would have his head!!!!

[vashti]

Did you call out to the people who were nearby? If you didn't, you should have.

What I am saying may sound harsh, but it is not meant to. I have a daughter, and I would HATE for something like this to happen to her, but last weekend I witnessed something in my car that has had me disturbed ever since.

I took four teenagers to see a play, and on the way home, while the music was cranked up loud, I glanced in the rearview and noticed one boy was kissing the neck of a nice girl I have known since kindergarten. Not wishing to embarrass my son, I paused for a second figuring they would stop on their own since there was another kid in the back seat with them. However, they didn’t stop, and I had to tell the boy to back away from the girl. After I dropped him at home, I apologized to the girl for embarrassing her (I was trying to smooth things over with my kid, who I know was wanting to kill me at that point) and to my shock, she thanked me and told me she was discreetly trying to get him off of her the whole time.

I believe the girl, but I yelled at her, too. After all, she was in a car with three other people, and she was more concerned about not embarrassing HIM and preserving her “cool” image than she was about protecting herself, and she was ultimately allowing a boy to kiss her when she didn’t want to. She could have easily stopped what was going on by simply speaking up.

I’m not sure how closely this scenario comes to what happened to you, but I want to caution you to always be sure that your words are spoken loudly, clearly, and with strength, and that your body language ALWAYS matches the words you are saying. I think so many girls do not feel empowered to speak up because they have been trained to always try to “be nice”. Screw that. Some guys are pigs and do not deserve to be treated “nicely”. Don't give guys the opportunity to imagine that you may be enjoying anything that you aren't. This guy probably imagines that since you didn't call out or reprimand him loudly, you enjoyed the experience to some extent. It probably never occurred to him that you might have been scared, and imagine what your scenario might have looked like to an outside observer. If you weren't actively rejecting him, they might have assumed you were into it.