Too many ex-boyfriends...

[kmaryk]

Hello, all. I've got an issue I'm hoping to get some advice about, or at least a little reassurance. I've had a few boyfriends and I've dumped every single one of them... It's not because I'm a jerk, but I've got this complex and I don't know whether it's normal or not... When the possibility of a relationship with a guy comes up, I get excited and happy, like I'm sure most people do. But when we actually begin to spend time together, (going out, IMing, talking on the phone) I get annoyed with him and begin to begrudge him for taking up so much of my time. I try to avoid him or make excuses not to see him, and eventually I just break things off. Before, I just thought I hadn't found the right guy and that if I found the right guy, I would want to love him and be with him, but this happens with every single guy I have a relationship with. Is this normal or do I have an issue I need to work on? Thanks much for any advice you can give.

[vashti]

Is it normal? I'm not sure. People have varying needs with regards to time alone, time together, etc. It could simply be that you are dating people who just don't match your style. How old are you, and how much time are the guys you are dating trying to consume?

[kmaryk]

I'm 19. The guys don't really take up that much time, but it annoys me nevertheless. They expect to talk on AIM maybe every other day, but for hours on end. It's like they expect attention that I don't really feel like giving. (Does that make me sound terrible? I think it does...) Other things like dates are pretty usual, but... Well, I would just rather be doing my own thing.

[vashti]

I don't think you sound terrible. Then again, I wouldn't want to spend hours on AIM either.

I wouldn't really worry about this for now. YOu are still quite young, and there is no reason to jump to the conclusion that there is a problem when you are simply exercising your right to be free from responsibility. If this remains a problem for you until you are maybe 30, then I might start thinking about it.

[royalblood87]

Hi mary,

ur experiencing what many teenagers are feeling. i would say this is quite normal for ur age. at this age, the perspective is unfortunately, not as matured yet. i mean u have to agree with me on this, i hope u didnt expect a relationship to last if u have this fragile way of handling a relationship. as in, when it really gets down to the real spending time and taking care of each other part, u cant handle it. its normal for ur age. but i would say its really a sad thing for the guys that u have been with. they wouldnt have an idea that u are facing this problem now and how they perceive it would be naturally painful. they would be serious with u, but u would be slightly less serious with them and thats all it takes to destroy things and they go on to be very mean guys to girls and cant trust anymore. of course when they are mean to those girls, as in, they start to put lesser time and effort in pleasing the girl, the girl's heart gets more fonder and attracted. in this case, if that girl were to be someone like u, she would be greatly in love thinking that'wow this is the guy that is able to enchant me and i wanna love him forever' but u see, this guy has learnt to distrust girls, and he dun actually love the girl that he is illtreating yet she loves it. oblivious to the girl, it is actually a one sided love which will never last. even if it does it wont be happy because the guy is consciously telling himself not to trust her and love her, and she, on the other side feels so much love for an extended period of time until it becomes disappointment and breakup occurs after a few yrs.

for a relationship to last, there has to be very matured reciprocating efforts between both parties in which gratitude is the key driving force. also to forgive and forget and not bear grudges. both parties after many yrs of experience in life, understand that gratitude and showing appreciation to each other's goodness and concern is even of utmost importance in one's success. both parties want to treat each other nicely and expect to be treated nicely and appreciate the loving efforts of each other and love each other even more everytime an act of love is given.

u might not be able to understand this now, but as u get older, u will walk thru life and see people who are really bad to you, for example, as mentioned, u might fall in love in this guy who got dumped by his ex coz she dumped him for the same reasons that u dumped ur previous exs. he would be a very tough and hard hearted guy who wont wanna spend much time with u but u love such excitement and celebrity style. i guarentee that u would be in big trouble as it will only be a one sided love and he can use u for sex or anything but u would be just a slave. when u eventually experience the real damage from this guy, u would understand that everything is just a cycle n retribution of how u have treated someone and get treated in the same manner by someone else.

by then u would ravish all the beauties and kindness of what ur ex bfs have done for u, but by then, it may or may not be too late, as u have broken their trust in u.

u will then move on with life and understand that gratitude and appreciation of the other party's effort is crucial to a matured and ever lasting relationship because both parties really appreciate each other's kindness.

mary, my advice to u, is to keep my words in mind, as acting on it will be very tough as u do not understand the pains when u get damaged by a guy who dun actually love u but u love him. u may not understand this now, but as u follow thru life, u would.

i shall not mentioned what my credentials are but u need this piece of advice for sure if u want to have a guy who will take care of u forever.

[FullofSighs]

One way you can fix that is like live life to the fullest till you get sick of the same thing happening every day and night, then when your sick of it get a boyfriend, that way it brings in something new and you won't feel as if he is taking up all your time, cuz you spent so much time to yourself partying up, and you can keep it like the saying what happens in vegas stays in vegas kinda thing.

[tomatoes]

i get dumped all the time. =/ i have many ex boyfriends too =/

[pclepel]

i think you're onto yourself. sounds like you've got a pattern that you're stuck in.

there's an awesome guy i found online, Erwan Davon, who deals with exactly this kind of stuff. he calls it your relationship blueprint, and says it's key to identify it in order to change it and have control over your romantic life. it's great stuff, check it out. he's also very responsive, so you can always ask him a question by email. google him and you'll find his site.

he has a blog post about relationship blueprints too.

i hope that helps!