Don't read this. If you open it, you'll regret it. You'll push 'back' immediately.

[Denthrare]

I've been on this forum for... a little less than a month now. I've signed on to it and tried to post and be active for every day of that time. At this point, I think I'm comfortable enough to share my reasons for having signed up here.

I am in a program called NJROTC, a military leadership program which is very hard-core and dedicated at my school. Myself and another cadet by the name of Charles became fast friends during my first year in the program, and he and I stayed friends even after school ended. We spent most of the summer "girl-hunting" together, being each others' "wingman". I kept getting myself into relationships that ended up failing, and he never had enough luck to get into a relationship at all.

So when school was almost upon us, we were still both single. Then came a period called "Fish Orientation", in which the incoming freshman in our Company are tortured and drilled by senior members of the staff and their lackeys. My friend Charles was an officer, and I was his assistant, so we both attended the Orientation. We both worked hard that day, and interacted with the new fish constantly. It's through that interaction that I met Stephanie.

Now, I've always been a firm believer that love-at-first-sight cannot and does not happen. However, Stephanie was the closest I have ever come to that kind of experience. She's one of those girls, where you look at her, and you cannot help but smile. She's beautiful. She's drop-dead beautiful. But that's not what drew me to her; she has something that few girls have; depth. Actual, genuine depth of character and of heart. And you can tell she has it simply by being near to her.

Charles and I went to his house that afternoon, and on the drive home, he commented to me about how "the fish are much hotter this year". I agreed wholheartedly, and told him about Stephanie. Turns out, she was the girl he had been referring to as well. We argued a little bit, and (I know it sounds wrong), I chose to "let Charles have her" if he wanted to try to develop something with her. I wouldn't stand in the way. After all, I had been with girls constantly over the summer, and poor Charles hadn't.

Time went by. School started. Through interactions with Steph and Charles, I managed to work up a friendship between us all. We had NJROTC in common, which made us fast friends as it was. When the Back-to-School-Bash dance was announced, Charles and I formulated a plan. Charles would simply ask Steph to dance that night, and we would see where things went from there.

So Charles and I ended up sitting around, not dancing with anyone. I really wanted to ask Steph to dance (seeing as though she was dancing with her friends), but I didn't want to anger Charles. I told him that if he didn't ask her to dance, I would. That got him going, and soon the two were having a lovely time together. I ended up dancing with one of Steph's friends, Maggie.

That night, Maggie and I began a relationship. She was a good girl and very easy to have fun with. But my main reason for being with her was because Charles was with Steph.

Since Charles and I were good friends, and the same went for Maggie and Steph, we started double-dating. We were a very fun group, and enjoyed each other's company greatly. Steph and I started getting to be very close friends, though Maggie and Charles didn't try to get any closer than they were. Charles, it turns out, didn't like Maggie very much.

Steph and I got so close, at one point, that we hung out alone. Maggie and Charles were both busy one night, so Steph and I went to an event at our school. Like most events at schools, it was horrible, so we ended up sitting outside in the parking lot, looking up at the stars. We talked constantly, about love, life, and philosophy. We're both very philosophical, and we're as compatible as Lego pieces. We both agreed that if we really tried, we could talk until the world ended. But that night, looking into Steph's eyes as she looked up at the stars, and seeing the moonlight reflected off those beautiful blue eyes of hers... I fell in love with her then. I knew I could do nothing about it, but I knew I loved her.

I continued dating Maggie. I was pretty sure Steph felt the same way about me, but I wasn't going to move for it.

One day, on a double date, Charles decided to have a little teenage fun and drive off without Maggie and myself after the date was done, despite the fact that he was our ride. So Maggie got in the way of his truck, and (since he was going a little too fast to stop), he swerved and hit a column instead of her. He was fine, but the truck was a little banged up.

I didn't want Charles dealing directly with Maggie, because I knew no good would come of it, so I took on a financial obligation to help Charles repair his truck. Maggie was rather unappreciative of what I did for her at that time, and our relationship fizzled out and died very soon afterwords.

Charles, in the meantime, was having his own trouble with Steph. Since both of them were in NJROTC, and since so-called "incest" (dating within the Company) was not allowed (especially between a staff officer and an enlisted freshman), they had to try their best to hide their relationship. But they failed. Our Naval Science Instructor, a Chief Petty Officer (Chief), ordered Charles to either end the relationship, or have either himself or Steph leave the Company. Charles tried to get Steph to quit so they could stay together, but Steph thought that Charles was being selfish. They argued so bitterly that their usually-healthy relationship ended.


Now, I had always cared a lot about Stephanie, and Charles knew this. When they broke up, I asked Charles if I could "go for her" (another crude term). He was absolutely fine with it, because he didn't think they'd ever get back together. So I did. A few weeks after Steph and Charles had broken up, she and I were together.

As it turns out, she had always been crushing on me. She had noticed me at Fish Orientation. She had wanted to dance with me at the Back-to-School-Bash. She had wanted to be with me. Of course, she had been happy with Charles. But now that I knew we had always cared about each other, I didn't think anything could pull us apart.

But, of course, something did. We dated for... about six days. Six days. That's nothing, I know. But it was the happiest six days of my life, and might always be. Charles, it turns out, was not happy. He decided to himself that he was not, after all, alright with me being with Steph. SO he had gone back to her, and asked her to come back to him.

So, at around eight-o-clock at night on January 26th, 2006, Stephanie dumped me over AIM. Over AIM. It was so impersonal. So blunt. I told her, of course, that I would wait until she got her heart right. She told me she needed time, and I said I'd give it to her. She said she was stressed, and I said I'd be there for her.

She and I talked a lot for next month or so, and she led me on constantly. She was always talking about us getting back together, and I'd try to move in, and she'd immediately pull back. I could tell she still cared for me, but something kept her from moving on it...

Then I found out why. One day, in the hallways, I saw Charles and Stephanie kissing. They had done a much better job of hiding their relationship this time, and I hadn't expected her to run back to him so quickly and willingly. I got angry. Very angry. So angry, in fact, that I abused my training and punched a moderate-sized dent in a rock wall at my school. Rage filled me. Sadness too.

The next few months were a whirlwind. I barely remember anything except seeing Charles and Steph together every time I passed them. It broke my heart every single time I saw her with him. She seemed so happy. In the meantime, I fell into a major depression. Suicide became a constant nagging in the back of my head. My grades went down, my relationships with other people suffered, and I lost interest in everything. I entered therapy to get through the depression and to get myself over Steph, and it helped a little. But not enough.

I needed to get myself over Steph. And fast. As it happens, Maggie and I started talking right around that time. In what seemed like no time at all, she and I were back together. This time, I cared a lot more about her. But for the wrong reasons; she gave me someone to concentrate on rather than Stephanie. She took my mind off of her.

[Denthrare]

I continued my therapy. I gradually worked myself into the conclusion that I was dating Maggie for the wrong reasons, and decided to end it at a party we were both going to at the end of the school year. As it turns out, Maggie wasn't there when I arrived. But Charles and Steph were. Charles and I joked and laughed for a couple minutes before he had to run off to work (we had gradually worked our way back to friendship despite all the events that had taken place). He left Steph there. She and I talked. And talked. And talked. On and on we went, just like we always had before. I realized, slowly, that I still cared about her more I wanted to admit. This reaffirmed my belief that I needed to end things with Maggie.

Steph left the party a few minutes before Maggie arrived. But, as it turns out, Maggie ended up dumping me that night. Not in person though. She did it through a friend.

I called Steph. Told her what had happened. She told me to go home. I did. We talked more when I got there, and I confessed to her that I had been about to dump Maggie myself because I still cared about her. She wasn't shocked at all.

Amazingly, Steph and I kept our friendship. We had been too closely connected to seperate completely. I developed a sort of brother-sister relationship with her. We acted like it, too. Charles got a little jealous, at some points, because she accidentally paid more attention to me than him when the three of us were together. I just laughed it off. Who was he to be jealous of me? He was dating the girl I had loved.

Summer was in full swing, and soon I was off to Boot Camp. "Leadership Academy", they called it. I would be training at an Army encampment called Camp Bullis near San Antonio. I loved it there.

I am a major military-guy, and the training was perfect for me. Up in the morning before the sun, running constantly, screaming at the top of our lungs, drilling all day... it was tough, but I loved it.

Then the Final Physical Test (FPT) came. I had decided I was going to run the 1.5 mile as fast as I could. And, since I perform best physically when I'm angry (hence the dent in the rock wall), I decided to use my anger to my advantage. What did I do to get myself angry? Why, I thought about Steph and Charles kissing, of course. That got me pissed.

I ended up running the fastest time in my entire Company, Delta Company, which was saying a lot. But one and a half miles was not enough to get all the anger I had out. I was still pumping adrenaline like diesel fuel.

We marched back to the chow hall, and I picked up a huge plate of food, still angry. I sat down at a table, prayed ("there are no athiests in foxholes"), and started eating. I got maybe two bites down before the anger stopped, and was replaced by sadness. I still had that picture of Steph and Charles in my mind. I burst into tears and started sobbing, right there in the middle of the chow hall.

I stood up and asked my Drill Instructor for permission to leave the hall, and she granted it. I ran outside, and started screaming. I had been in pain about Steph for months, and I had never fulyl gotten it out. I scream, cried, and recited St. Francis' prayed in a shaky voice. A few Drill Instructors besides my own had come to the scene, and they helped me slowly compose myself. I cried more that day. In fact, I had to visit the camp Corpsman (the Navy version of a medic) to make sure I was still mentally capable of continuing my training. But after I slept that night, I felt better physically. Emotionally, I was still a wreck.

When I got home from Leadership, I had a rough transition back to the Real World. Especially when it came to talking to Steph. It felt almost wrong, after what I'd been through...

Fast forward to now. Steph and I are still brother-sister, Charles and I are still great friends. But I'm not happy. I've tried dating again, but it never works out. I keep comparing girls to Steph, and they keep falling short.

Truth is, I think I still love her. But I know she doesn't love me. She loves Charles. A classical case of unrequited love.

When I started this post, it was July 26th. Half a year (to the day) since Steph dumped me. And I still feel it. I can't seem to get over her, despite the therapy and the time I've given myself.

I don't know what to do.

If you read all this, then you definetly have too much spare time and should consider a new hobby. Thank you, though.

-Z

[King Zarathu]

Yes, I read your entire post, every word of it. It's hard to express how I feel after reading your post--you deserve quite the hug.

In my opinion, you made a mistake with something. I respect you, first of all, for being the gentlemen and letting Charles date her, him having no relationship, but I think that you should have simply left Steph alone. You wanted her, and it's tough but you need to face the fact that she doesn't want you. It's a bitch, and I'm sorry you have to go through that.

You need to cut your friendship with her because it's doing nothing but killed you, and you should have the self-respect to preserve your emotions and feelings.

Just think, when this is all done and over with and you couldn't care less if she was shot (that won't happen, but I'm just saying), you'll be a much stronger person inside. I've gone through a lot of shit too, and it has only helped make me stronger. Don't let it **** you.

You mentioned earlier that you're spiritual--do you do self-hypnosis and meditation? If not, get your ass on the couch.



[Thinking about somebody having a tantrum outside and screaming St. Francis's prayer at the top of their lungs sounds absolutely hilarious, if you don't mind me saying.]

[Venacava]

Ah, I just wanted to let you know that I did read all of it! I don't really know what to say, other than love is complicated and unforunately, perhaps sometimes it just isn't enough. I wish it was, but what I have learnt is - maybe it just isn't enough. Circumstances come into consideration and so do many other factors, unfortunately! I guess you should stop trying to get over her by seeing other people, yeah it's good to meet other people and what not - but don't try to forget her by using other people, find something for YOU - do something you enjoy and I guess just find a way to let go. I don't know what you can do to get over her, because it's different for everyone ; but I really do hope that you find something or someone!

[thinker]

I also read the whole thing

Hmmm... I'm really not sure what to think... part of me wants to console and tell you everything will work out, and part of me wants to smack you in the face and say "suck it up, porkchop!" A famous philosopher (forget who) once said something to the affect of "proximity without intimacy is a fate worse than hell" You are constantly being around this girl, yet not close enough to satisfy your empty, aching heart. As for the love-at-first-sight business, you were quite right in thinking it doesn't work; because it DOESN'T! Simply put... now extreme attraction and affection (which can be enormously powerful and all to easily confused for "love") most certainly can happen in an instant, but you cannot "love" a person and know their minds, hearts, and souls just by a quick glance over. Love is something that is alive and must be given birth, grown, and raised and later you need to feed it or else it dies. I think it would be more accurate to say "When I first saw here at that orientation, I felt extremely attracted to her and wanted very badly to be with her." That's fine, but don't misuse the word love. Also, that one defining moment in the parking lot under the stars... you said you knew then that you "loved" her... hmm... again I don't think you understand the word (nor do any of us really!) At this point she was in a relationship, with your friend no less, and you could not remove yourself from the situation enough to know that you are out of line... sorry, I am getting a bit drill-sergeanty here... All I am saying is try to really, honestly, and objectively re-evaluate your definition of "love" and what you thought you felt in those infanct stages; please believe that affection and attraction are immensely powerful and all to often confused with deeper feelings.

BTW, I know how much it sucks being dumped online... heh I got an email, which is even less personal than real-time IMing... so I feel your pain.

The whole conundrum sounds like a soap opera... and too much in this society we deliberately invite drama into our lives as we think it makes things more true or more meaningful; after all, thats how they do it on the soaps, right? That is NOT real life my friend... The facts (as I think I have them) are: Your friend is dating a girl you are "interested" in (note the absence of the word "love") and you can't stop thinking about her. I also know what this is like to an extent... but starting and being in other relationships that are doomed to failure even before they have a chance is most certainly not the way to go about it. I never understood this about people, how we can be in a relationship with someone and be intimate with them, but not mean any of it because our hearts are set on someone else... is this love? Do you think Stephanie would "appreciate" you dating other women, despite the fact that they never matched up to her? Now, you didnt go into detail, but I would imply some sort of physical intimacy with some of them, is that a sign of "love" towards someone else even? When I'm done ranting, take a little meditation on my quote... line for line until it burns a hole in your retina... its by no means a definition, but certainly a road map that will point you in the right direction. Right now, you are too caught up in repressed anger and hurt and revenge and confusion to possible be in "love", though the soaps would have you down as a hero; look at all he has done and been through, he must be so in love! because that is how they bastardize the sacred bond...

May I dare conclude with a statement, and forgive me if I am a bit bold, but from what (and how) you have written and from personal experience, I think I can safely say (and please, others feel free to agree/disagree with me) that you are NOT in love with this girl. You want her so badly because you can't have her that your brain is telling you you are in love to justify what you are doing to yourself. Because you are destroying yourself, and for lack of anything else, I don't want to see you (or anyone) go through that (becuase, trust me, it really sucks) If even the thought of suicide has entered your mind, that is a clear, bright red flashy sign that you are doing something wrong. You are putting this girl on a pedestal; you tell yourseld you cannot be happy without having her completely, and you are only killing yourself more by being so close (brother-sister as you say) which is the absolute worst thing in the world you could possibly do to yourself. Women work differently in this respect. For guys, a "friend-girl" can easily move up to the "girl-friend" status... for women the two are completely different worlds. You are cultivating yourself in her "friends world" role, where she will have complete disregard to your feelings for her (however foolish and wrong they may be) I'm just saying you are setting yourself up for disaster... Ok, smart guy, so what would you do, you ask? Well, for starters, minimize contact. I mean minimize; only see and talk to her when you have to; don't blatantly avoid her, but I think this will be the first step to your recovery; because you are suffering right now; trying to get around a brick wall by ramming your head into it over and over when all you need to do is walk a little ways down and use the door You don't 'love' her and she doesn't 'love' you (as I think you mentioned she has told you a few times WHILE STILL WITH YOUR FRIEND!!!!) You cannot "love" two people, my friend. That is not love; sure, attracted you you guys or she likes you guys or feels connected to both of you... not LOVE; that is so engulfing and consuming an emotion that she could not even imagine thinking about anyone other than the one she is with; sounds to me like SHE is also confused... because she is giving mixed signals to the both of you... fact of the matter is; right now she is with someone who is not you. Get over it. Honestly, thats all I can say. You will NOT help yourself back into her heart by being her big bro and friend; get away from her as much as you can. Do NOT date other women that you already know you cannot foster a relationship with or are just using to take your attention off of this other girl; BIG NO-NO! Man, you need to find yourself in all of this, and the easiest way to do that is to, well, be by yourself. How can you know what you truly want? (want is a bad word... its more of a what-is-right-for-me-to-do or what-is-my-objective-place-in-all-this type of thing, because you will tell yourself you want the steph girl, when in fact you are quite misled methinks...) Take like 2 months off from women (it's so nice btw) because even with steph, you are sacrificing parts of yourself; you are not being a whole person, a whole man right now in your attempts to be with her... strangely enough, two half people don't make a whole... you need two completely competent, intelligent, whole people to make a relationship work, and right now the only part of you that is there is the blindly-determined-to-"win"-back-the-girl-you-"love"... which really puts a damper on your life as a whole. A grown man who runs out of the chow hall in tears screaming St. Francis' prayer (which is a bit funny, I apologize) is NOT someone who is with-it enough to even be thinking about a relationship. You need some time, alone (i.e. without this girl you think you are destined to be with atm) to find what is true and right for yourself... you mentioned you were spiritual... this is a wonderful place to start! I cannot tell you the solace and direction and truth I have found after my breakup (also about 6 months ago)... luckily my ex is across the country, so the no-contact-rule was pretty easy but just to really ask you God (in whatever form you choose to see Him)where HE wants you to be, and where HE knows you belong; I dont think God wants you to be having thought of suicide and crying in public over some lost cause... maybe he is telling you to it wasn't right in the first place? ... wow my post is getting longer that yours! sorry... I will close with first of all, my sincere condolences... you have been through a lot, and I am sorry the world is like that. ... ... Ok, pity pot over. Seriously, you are dragging this whole thing around everywhere with you; your ball and chain if you will, and you are wondering why you are having trouble getting around Men do not work well as friends after a relationship. (continued in next post...)

[thinker]

(continued from previous post) ... I would seriously suggest having absolutely minimal contact with the girl (and with your "friend" too who sounds to me like an asshole for even putting some chick over his buddy...) anyways, you are missing direction and objective truth in your life right now, and what is going on around you is preventing you from seeing those starts in the distance. Find yourself, and only then can you start another relationship... and I know you are thinking secretly (Ok, but steph will be mine! Muahahaha) ... stop that thought before it comes up. She is, quite frankly, treating you like sh*t (didn't know if we could swear here) Sounds like her and your jerk buddy belong together Oh, and that whole bit about unrequited love at the end of your post... you do NOT love her if she does NOT love you! Love is mutual; lust or yearning or that type of thing is not; try to really figure out what love means to you (NO SOAP OPERAS PLEASE!) and quite honestly, get as far away as you can from the two of them; they are doing nothing but hurting you and blocking your vision; blinding you that you cannot see what is really going on; hey, woulndt it be great if there was some sort of online forum that you could ask people outside of this situation what they feel? Oh, what do you know! I am honestly trying to express what I feel would be ultimately in your best interests... honestly if I were you and I read my reply, I would want to find me and kick my ass for being so prude But really, I think the people on this forum can see some more of the picture that you can, being in it, and we may be able to direct you better towards the end of the maze from out here, seeing the whole thing. I hope I haven't made an ass out of myself or confused things anymore (or put everyone to sleep with this insanely long article) but I DO know that things need to change if you ever want to get on with your life, and you DO want to

Best of luck; be sure to update us with your thought/happenings/juict gossip! We're all rooting for you man!

[Tiay]

I read the entire thing. Very harrowing blagh, you really had it rough. I hope in the future you will get to move on and find someone who loves you back.

also, what's the atheist in fox hole thing?

[xdorkxalertx]

is there a cliff notes version?

[Denthrare]

Xdork: Maybe I'll write one up sometime.

Zarathu: Thanks for reading it all, and for giving that advice. I'll try my best to not let it get to me...

Tiay: Thank you for your hope. I appreciate your response more than I think I can describe. "No atheists in foxholes" means that when you're in the military, and have to put up with screaming D.I.'s, constant physical hardships, and emotion and mental challenges, you come to realize that you need more help than mere humans can give.

Thinker: I appreciate what you're saying so much. It's the truth. I put myself into this situation, and I'm going to have to pull myself out of it. Also, when I say "loved", I use the term liberally because "liked" and "cared about" don't seem to adequetly describe how I felt.

Thank you all for putting up with this.

-Z

[Denthrare]

I got home today and read all the replies you guys had posted on this thread. Afterwards, I decided I needed some exercise. I had some anxt to get out of my system. Now, whenever I get that feeling, I go running. So I left a message on my computer saying I would be doing that.

I ran to my school, and sat down in the same place I had that night when Steph and I talked under the stars. A couple feet from that spot, someone had written "I Miss U" in some kind of black ink on the curb. I'm not sure who it was... but it got me thinking. I started thinking very seriously about what I should do. I contemplated all the replies I had gotten (thanks again, guys), and what I could do to help the situation I'm in.

While I'm thinking, guess who decides to show up? Yes, that's right, Steph had seen my message and had known instantly that I'd be in that spot.

I'm sorry that I paid little regard to the advice given to me "avoid contact with her", but I saw pushing her away after she ran all that ways to see me as being... rather rude.

Steph ignored the significance of where I was (though she certainly knew it), and didn't even ask what I'd been doing (though she certainly knew it). We struck up conversation, and soon I was walking her home and we were smalltalking. I said in my earlier post that she and I could talk until the world ended if we tried. This was the same sort of thing. We talked about everything and nothing.

About ten or fifteen minutes into our walk, guess who called? That's right, Charles. He's currently on vacation, and was just checking up on Steph. She told him that she was out walking, and he asked 'who with'. Steph has a Straight-Edger's policy on the truth, so she told him she was with me. She wouldn't tell me how Charles reacted, so I'm sure it wasn't good. But she had sought me out, and we were just being friendly.

So I dropped Steph off at her house, and ran home as fast as I could.

I don't know my real point of posting this other than giving a small update.

It would appear, however, that she is sincere about being friends. Otherwise, I can't explain her actions.

-Z

[Junket]

I didn't read your entire post.

Call me a bastard, but I rarely have the patience.

But just reading some of the replies I got the gist of what's goin' on.

[Denthrare]

I won't call you a bastard, Frasbee. I know it's a bit long.

I've written shorter essays for English papers.

-Z

[dreamer101]

Iread your posts, and I read your updates, and I didn't pust 'back', and i m gonna make this as short as i can cuz i m at work.
Something deep in my soul felt that you should be the one with stephanie, and if love and justice prevails in this world than you will be. but my head says that you should protect yourself and put as much distance as you can between stephanie and charles. but what do you follow? head or heart?

bout something else, can someone englighten me on this. on many posts i've read people keep mentioning 'school'. What do you guys consider school?Where I am from, school finishes at 18 and then you go to university/college? Right.

[thinker]

Hmm... thanks for the update!

We also appreciate that you appreciate our jabbering! Good to know from both sides I guess...

Maybe this is a bit stickier than I thought at first... seems like the both of you still want contact and friendship... just that one of you (at least) cannot handle that... To be fair, of course, we cannot read this girl's mind, but we do have some insight as to your thoughts and motives... would it be fair to say that this incomplete relationship you are in with this girl you care for is torture to you? I think we all know the feeling to some extent... I sure do You want her, but you can't have her, which makes you want her even more just because she is taken... evil, evil web of confusion! Seriously though, it sounds to me at least that right now you are in a great deal of pain and suffering (and quite understandably soI might add) I'm glad you felt bad about going back on the no-contact policy, so next time... umm... DO IT! Belive me it is one of the hardest things in the world to do... especially in the situation you described above! I'm sure I would have given in and at least given the girl the time of day for coming out there... which also gets me thinking... so she KNEW you woudl be there while her current bf is out of town... honestly think about this... ok, you can't while you're in the situation, but I will express how I feel atm... seems like she is playing a bit of a two-faced game here... I, for one, if I were in a relationship of any sort would absolutely NOT go sneaking out to a private place to be alone with an ex (or anyone) while my s.o. is gone... I say you cannot see this, because I'm sure it's exhilarating to you... gets the sparks flying again and the dreams that maybe she still "loves" you flowing... but honestly, if this is the type of person she is, do you really and truly still think you want to be with her? People, my friend, do NOT change... hard fact of life #22... who on earth is to say she will not sneak away on YOU at a later date? Yes, she was honest with Chuckie on the phone... still... man I'm just afraid for you... Women can be wonderful and loving and a blessing... the other 99% of the time they can be backstabbing powerhungry freaks with an insatiable appetite (that was for you, zarathu) Sounds like she likes having you, the helpless sub, at her feet and still within her feminie wiles...

It's good that you are still on friendly terms... becuase it will make telling her how you feel easier... which is what I would say to be the next step... and please, people, feedback on these rash decisions of mine is appreciated! I think I referred to the ball-and-chains analogy earlier... well, with whatever work you have done in thinking and what not on your own you just undid by seeing her again... Where is the true harm in saying to her... "Look, I'm going to be blunt and painfully honest... right now I still have very strong feelings for you. I know that they are NOT RIGHT () but YOU are making it impossible for me to feel anything else... What I need for the time being is to be alone; that means no contact (other than the absolute necessary... don't call in sick to rotc everyday or whatever...) that means no phone calls, no emails, IMs, secret meetings in the school parking lot... anonymous notes written in ink... nothing... for at least, say, a month (don't grimace... you are a military man, you can take it!) That should help me think and see clearly enough to perhaps continue a freindly relationship with you later, but for right now, I really need for you to stop confusing me with your, well, confusing messages!"

I can completely sympathize with why you are confused... I would be a wreck in your shoes! But, right now she is dating someone that is not you, so SHE needs to be commited to HIM or leave... and sounds like she is not being the totally faithful and loyal gf... anyways, what I would ask YOU to strongly consider is telling her what's going on; that you need some "me time" without her (this needs to be substantial, too... not like a 4 day hiatus... it took me a good 4 months to really and honestly get over my ex... and about every other day between then and the breakup I thought I had it down... never really got it until that long into it...) Frankly, I would be disgusted with how she is treating chuck; would YOU like it if someone you were seeing was alone with an ex while you were out of town? She is either very confused or a power control freak... either way, not somehting you want to be involved with.

Yeah, I would serisouly consider that YOU implement a no-contact rule. Tell her what's going on and that she is confusing you to no end. I know you've got it drilled in your head that she's 'the one'... well, it also sounds like you are too dependant on that to think on your own... never go into any relationship with only one good leg... other people can be our crutch, but not JUST that, and right now you have no world outside of her... unhealthy for the both of you. Anyways, man I can't stop typing after midnight... think about talking to her about keeping your distances... Continue to update us We really are concerned for you and want only the best!

[ashley1]

takes 2 to be in love you loved her but she didnt love you this happens often in life. move on and open yr eyes do you really think that she is the only girl that will ever make you feel like this. if you close yr eyes to the world around you then you will miss out on someone more special. i was put through the same sort of story as you have mentioned thinking i would never love again. i locked myself away. compared others. until one day someone blew me away with this amazing personality.