How to win the ex back that i dumped?

[starstar]

Hey guys i really need some help. I broke up with my ex of 3 years about 4months ago. he was completely in love with me and i broke his heart. i didnt talk to him for about 2 weeks solid as i started seeing another guy (rebound i think) and wanted some space away from him. anyway i started seeing the rebound a bit more seriously and he told me he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. at the time i thought i loved him and said yes. i had to be honest and tell me ex so i did. he was completely heartbroken and told me he didnt want to speak to me again. just recently i have gone away for a month....i have had time away from my ex and my new "boyfriend" and realized that i dont actually have feeling for my new boy....he was just a distraction and during that time with him i had no time to miss my ex. now i have been away from both i realize how much i miss and love my ex. infact i want to marry him. problem is he wont even pick up my calls or return my txts...im so lost i dont know what to do....... i know im the one that broke up but my ex, but was my first love, sexual experience and everything i was only 17 and i needed to experience a bit of the world first before we got married (hes 27 now). in just being with one person since him and travelling a bit i have realized so much ( i would have been constantly wishing i had done this otherwise). what should i do? any help would be much appreciated? thanks!

[thinker]

Woah, you are WAY to confused to even think about the M word... so don't even mention it.

Are you still with this rebound guy? If so, get out of there. The worst thing you can do to someone is use them like that, and noone deserves to be mislead in that way.

As for your ex, well duh he doesn't want to talk to you. Face the facts; you broke him time and time again and luckily he is still alive to tell about it. God only knows how he is coping with that, but he IS coping... without you. Maybe you pushed him too far... maybe there is a chance. Who can say? What YOU need to realize is that life is not like the soap operas... you are expecting to run back into his arms after all this time... not gonna happen. If you really and honestly think about it and decide to go for it, catch him face to face... phone calls and even emails are a bit too impersonal for these circumstances. Tell him everything; this is not the time to hold back and regret it later. Then, leave the decision to fate. I for one, no offense, would not take you back... I'm sure your a nice girl and all, but after dumping him and THEN rubbing in his face this new guy... Lord only knows how he has been able to survive, and you will most likely make things worse. If he's like me, he has developed a sort of indifferent intolerance for you and will either want you all the way in or all the way out, no more confusing signals or inbetweens. So, just give it time for YOURSELF first, stop saying the M word... oh, and "I needed to experience a bit of the world first before we got M-worded"... Bull. Sorry, I call your bluff there... come on... might as well say, "Yeah, so I went out with lots of other guys and slept around, and you're not so bad after all. I guess I could settle for you for a while." If you can honestly think like that, then YOU need some time to grow up and sort things out. Make sure you are a complete person before you try to throw yourself into a relationship, especially a volatile situation like this. You cannot go into it needing a crutch or you will fall on your ass. So take some time to think.

[vashti]

Some mistakes can't be fixed.

Anyway, you are far too young to be thinking of marrying anyone. YOu ouhjt to take some time to grow up before you do that.

[Freeway3137]

hey star,

is your name alyssa by chance???? LMFAO you sound exactly like my ex girlfriend, and when I started reading this, I actually thought you were my ex! lmao.

Sorry I just found that really weird! but then you said something about being 27.

[Freeway3137]

Ok now that I got some time... I can help out.

Ok first off I'm in almost the same situation... except I am the guy. My gf of 3 years dumped me, had a thing for this one guy, but he did not like her back and now she started to talk to me again today after 2 weeks of no contact. I kept it short with her and pretty much played hard to get. I don't know what she's going to do, but I strongly feel as if she'll be running back to me. When we went out we talked about marriage, yadda yadda yadda.

I am going to actually give you tips, unlike what some people in here do and say you have no chance, because honestly, there's a chance for EVERYTHING.

Now if she were to run back to me, the way she would win me over is by showing how much she really does love me, and Im not talking about a gift or anything, it's going to be something you have to accomplish over a period of time, you have to show him how much you really do love him, and I can't tell you on how to do that, you are going to have to find it within yourself.

that's all I have for now, I know I was going to say something else but I am at work and can't thuink right now.

Hope this helps.

[thinker]

[QUOTE=Freeway3137]

I am going to actually give you tips, unlike what some people in here do and say you have no chance, because honestly, there's a chance for EVERYTHING.

QUOTE]
Very true!

However, in BOTH cases, this is NOT love... it's kindof an "oops" instance... the girls thinks there is something better out there, then "oops" comes running back... It is almost impossible to see this after a 3 year relationship and only 2 weeks have gone by, but this is NOT the right thing at all... Freeway, you are SO MUCH better than that, and I know you will argue with me to the death that you are meant for eachother, and you may well be, but still... she took your heart out of your chest, did a little dance on it, put it back, and now wants to pretend like it never happened. All the more power to you if you can forgive, which IS what love does But, don't just brush it off as an "oops"... people have a funny tendenct to not change, and this will very likely happen again with higher stakes... All I'm saying is; be careful. BOTH situations need WAYYYYYYY more time off to think ALONE than 2 weeks to make any kind of real decision, so use that time please.

[starstar]

thanks for all your replies. with me and my ex it has been a good 5months since we broke up. i understand that he well may not take me back and i have to accept this, but honestly having been away for 2 of those 5 months overseas i have come to realize alot about myself and how much he means to me. he is 27 and has done his screwing around and learning about himself. me? i met him at 17 and lost my virginity to him, he was my world. i had no clue who i was without him and this 5 months has been really tough...but ive started figuring out me and realizing what i want in life and in a partner and how much this amazing man really means to me! i trust in fate too....so if its not meant to be then so be it. but if it is, i would just really like some advice or tips as to how i can show him hes the only one i want to spend my life with! i really do love him! thanks heaps :-)

p.s no my name isnt alyssa, lol

[vashti]

YOu know, you might want to consider that what may be driving your new found interest is nothing more than fear. You were quite young when you met him, and you still are. It's a big world, and I remember being afraid at your age that I would never find the right one, and I know lots of women go through that.

Are you sure you aren't just a little bit scared?

[Ellynn]

Vashti does have a point. I think maybe you are scared of being alone, because for the first time in a few years you are.

You have to consider what drove you away from your ex to begin with. Were you unhappy? Was it all just curiousity to see what was out there? Are you settling if you do end up back with your ex?

You are like 20 right?

All I can say is that you have plenty time before thinking about settling down or marriage. There are more guys out there then your ex and the other guy you dated afterwards. Just two experiences should not make you think you know what you want now. I mean your ex may be the better of the two choices, but don't you even wonder if there is something else even better? At your age you should. Why rush into settling down so young only to find out later on that you made a mistake and should have waited awhile? So many people do this in fear of being alone.

But sometimes being alone can be very empowering. You realize that its best not to settle for just anyone, and really get a sense of yourself and what YOU want. You also learn to get by without someone at your side constantly, and realize that even if you do end up alone, you could make it. I think you need that sense of yourself before you even consider marrying someone. It makes you appreciate them more and you realize its not the end of the world if something were to happen to them like death or divorce.

So my point is that you should not rush into getting back with your ex. If you do decide to pursue him though, I wouldn't expect much. Maybe he can find it in his heart to forgive you, but honestly if you change your mind again, do you really want to put him thru that yet again?

If he doesn't want you back, then your just going to have to move on. There are other guys out there, trust me. You just need to be open to finding them.

[Freeway3137]

hey Ellyn, im from milwaukee as well! lol, I just realized that.

[Freeway3137]

to thinker's post...


O dont worry, I am over it and maybe in months or maybe even years, I will realize she is the one, and if not, then whatever. Only time can tell.

See I love her, but im not "in love" with her. I'd always be there for her.

[Ellynn]

hey Ellyn, im from milwaukee as well! lol, I just realized that.

What a small world. North or South side?

Im from a southern suburb actually.

[Freeway3137]

actually not milwaukee, but Waukesha. Sorry, like 5 minutes away pretty much if you take 94

[Ellynn]

actually not milwaukee, but Waukesha. Sorry, like 5 minutes away pretty much if you take 94

Ah, ok.

Oak Creek here. But no one really knows where that is. So I just say Milwaukee.

[Freeway3137]

haha same here.....