Is he just not into me?

[MichB]

Hi. I met a guy a couple months ago at a BBQ party. There was lots of eye contact and good chat. It felt very comfortable and he asked me out.

Couple dates later after live jazz and a club we share some passionate snogging. After another date a couple weeks later I attempted to kiss him. But he said he wanted to be friends, although finds me attractive. I decided - lust permitting – to try being friends with this guy for a while. We’ve met and talked a couple times since then in an increasingly enjoyable, flirty, comfortable and fun way.

I’m 34 black, him 36 & Italian been in UK 2+ yrs. We’ve talked - him more than me - about wanting family, kids etc before 40. We own our homes, have good jobs and share a sense of faith. We’ve both lived with other people and realise it takes something special to do that again. I would like to know how to manoeuvre these delicate steps. No sex yet - but all this meeting up is explosive foreplay!!

I like him and think we’d be good together. So why is he politely distant? Is he just not into me?

Thanks y'all.
M

[thinker]

Very well could be... he may be "playing the field" as they say, seeing what is available out there before settling on something... do you know about any of this? Is he often "busy" or seeing other people?

Sounds like he's not ready to commit... hence the "just friends" line... but that rarely is ot be taken seriously from a man... I would say he is NOT really interested in you... were you guys a bit drunk when the "snogging" occured? He may have regreted it and is trying to let you down gently... I see no harm in confronting him about the whole situation... tell him how you feel and ask for his honest thoughts on the situation; just don't keep the false hopes going, and don't let him string you along and get your hopes up because he is too cowardly to tell you the truth. Demand the truth, and go from there.

[MichB]

Hi Thinker - ta 4 yr notes

No - a few drinks but not really drunk when snogging - it wasn't until the end of the night (well 4am) after 8 hours together. He said he enjoyed it, doesn't regret it, found me attractive then and still does now. He also said he didn't want to pursue something physical and end up hurting me (methinks he speaks about himself).

I also would not at all judge him for "seeing what's out there" as you say, because we're both adults and can check out the competition (I know I do, without getting physical). He initially did all the chasing, texting and after every date and suggests ideas about the next date. Now he has my attention it's me that initiates contact and he reciprocates.

We've been frank about the friendship option, with him suggesting that I might 'disappear' (blow him off) if I can't agree to just friendship. He's even suggested that were we friends and he showed up with a girlfriend I might get jealous and withdraw. Maybe. But actually whenever I've mentioned my ex, or another date he's the one who seems to be slightly jealous.

In a nutshell my instinct tells me we both care deeply for the other and I'm prepared to be patient, even if we're friends only.

M

[Junket]

Wow, a black chick in Loveforum.

Feels like everybody here is either white or asian.

[vashti]

This sounds like a go-nowhere situation. Men who really like you romantically DO initiate contact. What would happen if you quit calling him? Are you strong enough to find out?

[Gigabitch]

And what about the competition? I think you can date others, since he wants no commitment from you. Are you at all interested in others?