Why won't my older brother shut up about how bad our mom is already?

[David12]

He just won't stop talking about how crappy our mom is!!

There is alot to tell about my mom....Sadly..

We don't live with our mom anymore, but about a year ago we used to live with her. She was always depressed and immature for stupid reasons. And bascially, my older bro got very sick of her. There are alot of things but I don't want to get into right now.

So Basically. My older brother always talks about how stupid/crappy/selfish/annoying/pathetic my mom is.

I mean, I know how he feels and I get it. He doesn't like our mom. So why won't he just shut up about it? He talked about her like 1000th times already. We get the damn point. My younger brother doesn't talk crap about her. But my other brother just won't shut up about her.

He knows her alot and what he says its true but, we won't even live with her anymore, yet, he won't shut up about her. He doesn't have to deal with her anymore....ugh, he is soo annoying...

Why won't he shut up about her? WHY!?!?!

Well, my mom caused alot of bs. Especially for my older brother and like I said, I know how he feels but..

He doesn't need to talk about how Bad/pathetic she is. He just goes on and on about her.

He has been doing this for about a year now. He needs to just learn to let go and just move on. Of course he still has to deal with my mom sometimes but he doesn't live with her. He hardly ever talks to her.

I, however still have a close relationship with my mom. And the thing is though, when my mom comes by. They get along Fine. Just fine. The way my older brother talks about my mom, Im surprised he even lets my mom in his house....-_-....

Like I said, my mom did cause BS for him. But he needs to just shut up about her. I am tired of hearing it. My younger brother is tired of hearing it. We don't want to hear it anymore. We already know how he feels about her. We don't need to hear it again. We get the point. He doesn't like my mom obviously...

ugh...

I asked him why he kept talking about her though. He just said " Because its BS!!"

Of course this doesnt really answer my question. We all know she causes BS....

He hasn't really been doing it as often. Hell he stopped for awhile but than recently he gave us this LONG ASS speech about her and what he says is nothing what I haven't heard before.

He needs to deal with it. He needs to shut up about her. She is not a good mom. I know. But I dont think she is a bad mom.

oh and by the way, he is 24. -_-...

[b*tch]

David12,

Just be cool! Keep calm! Based on what you write, I can feel your temper towards your bro.

I guess your bro handle things immaturely specifically about your mom. He is very bitter about her because his concept of family and mom is not the way she's.

Also, try to understand him. He's in a denial in himself about the situation that he could hardly accept.

i hope your relationship and resepct towards him will not be affected despite on what he's doing...

[vashti]

It sounds like your brother has a lot of justifiable anger, and rather than turn it inwards on himself, he is attempting to gain brotherly support by expressing his profound anger and hurt about you mom.

I know you are sick of hearing it, but since he is older, I am sure he has a lot more to complain about than you do.

I think what he wants is validation that he has suffered, but I am not sure he is looking in the right place. This sounds like a problem best solved by grown ups who can teach him how to work through these uncomfortable emotions. Having crappy parents causes hurt that can affect you the rest of your life if not dealt with properly.

By the way, it sounds like you are the one who may be trying to supress some righteous anger. Is it possible that his anger interferes with your ability to sanitize the image you want to have of her? You might want to think about that.

[thinker]

lol this guy sounds like me... now I know why concise is good

OK ALREADY!!! We get it; your brother won't stop talking junk on your mom. That point has been driven in quite well, thank you.

I think it is painfully obvious he is not "over" the fact; compare this to a guy who just got dumped (sort of similar situation) and will not shut up about what a whore and a slut his ex is, and I mean WILL NOT shut up. Every word out of his mouth comes back to that; CLEARLY he is not over and is ACHING for sympathy. I guess when relationships end, like when a loved one passes away, there is a mourning period where we do not fully understand the reality of the situation and are caught up in emotions. Your older brother is smacking you all in the face saying "Listen to me! I need attention and sympathy!" Which is not bad, but I can see how that would be annoying... Are you or anyone else in your family close enough with him to sit down and just have a long heart to heart with him? Ask him how he feels, and just get him to let everything out, becuase he is clearly holding things in in a little bottle that is ready to burst. He will not say it directly, but he is giving the "hints" that he just wants to talk or get these emotions out. If none of you are comfortable with that, maybe talk to your school guidance counselor? There are some very good low-key therapists out there which may be a good situation for him to just express everything to a stranger who knows nothing about the situation... Either way, he is pleading for an outlet and is NOT over what happened. If he were he would be cold and indifferent, instead he is hot and stuck in a rut. So please get him to talk to someone and just let things out of his little bottle.

[Junket]

I feel your brother, I'm not a big fan of my mother either.

[David12]

Im sorry if my first post seemed bitter..

He is a really really good brother overall however and really smart and I can understand how he feels. If you lived with my mom for 2 weeks. She would probably drive you nuts. She is a drama queen and like I said, caused alot of bs.

But really, he already talked about her 1000 times. I talked to him about it already.

but yea I really do think he needs to talk to someone really mature/experience about her to let it out and to get some sound advice.

[Gigabitch]

I'm sure you've told him, "Shut up- you've already said it!" about 999 times, right? So telling him he's wallowing in the negative isn't working.

He needs to get to a point where her bs doesn't affect his life- not just her current bs, but all the backlog of crap she left him carrying. I really think he needs an appropriate place to let this stuff out and get some boundaries with regard to dumping it all over you.

To me, that sounds like group therapy. Maybe you could go with him for a couple of sessions- tell him you're concerned that his feelings about your mom are ruining his life.

Maybe if you went with him, you could deal with some of that denial, too.

[Illusional]

men who cry like little girls make me laugh. a man shouldn't complain about things, that's a woman's job..to basically bitch.

as for your brother, some people can't deal with their feelings emotionally and it just comes out as bitching. you should talk to him about it because it's obviously starting to irritate you. nip it in the butt now or it won't go away, as it hasn't over the past years.

raverboy

[David12]

Damn it. He is doing it AGAIN!! aaah!!

And I have talked to him about it. I told him that he shouldn't keep bringing up our mom.

Of course, everything he says its true about our mom. Well, 80% of it at least. and he always BRINGS UP THE PAST ABOUT HIM AND OUR MOM! Always brings up the bs she caused.

He is talking about her now and in the living room spilling everything out on my little brother. Thank god I ain't the listener. I would of screamed " SHUT THE **** UP"

But also, he takes care of me now. Since I live with him, he is the guardian. But still He needs to just get over it. He needs to stop talking about my mom already. He talked about her 1000 times. He talked to many people about her.

And he would REFUSE to see a theopist over something like this

[vashti]

How old are you?

[Illusional]

hrmm...people that live in the past, i pity the fool.

however, vashti... (speaking of which, i kinda like the name vashtli.. it was a typo). however, he did say that his brother was 24, and him being the middle brother, i'm guessing that he's around 18-21. with his younger brother being somewhat of a child still, however, i could be wrong.

anyways, so you live with your two brothers and your older brother is your guardian?? what happened to your father may i ask? i know that it's kinda hard to live with your older brother and all his hatred. it's even harder because he thinks that he knows what is right and what is best for you blah blah blah. being an older sibling, i would think that he has the common sense to atleast try to see the big picture. being hard headed isn't the way to go, but it seems that he doesn't wanna do anything about that in the near future.

raverboy

[angelic_rebel]

im sorry about this....well, maybe your brother cant accept your mom for who she is...or maybe hes got a high expectations on your mom and in the end, he failed....

and onother reason is that, maybe your brother have some qualities in which he see on your mom...and he hates it...the qualities that even he himself could not see.

someday, he will realize it and hopefully learn to accept your mom.

gooduck!

[vashti]

I am guessing the original poster is under 18 Illusional, because he still has a guardian. Could be that he is 12 (see his screen name?).

Being a 24 year old responsible for 2 younger siblings is an incredibly large burden for a guy who hasn't even started his own family yet. I think the brother may be overwhelmed with all the responsibility, and is bitter and angry about it. I would be, too.