B/f going to wedding alone

[nebulachic]

My b/f gave me 1 week notice that he would be attending a wedding. It fell on a weekend that he had his son (who isn't comfortable being around me yet) and said he would be taking him (I had noticed on his calendar weeks before his home state listed with a "?"). A few days later he said his ex-wife had decided she wanted him to take the son on vacation with her instead.

I got quiet when he told me all this. He asked if I was upset. I said I was feeling hurt... if he hadn't know for sure his son could go why hadn't he told me and said I could go if he couldn't? He then said something to the effect of wanting to go alone and said it was because he would be staying with his brother and sister-in-law who live in the area and he hasn't seen in a long time and they are very religious Jehovah's Witnesses. He said he didn't think I would feel comfortable around them.

Also, his sister lives in the area and she is going to the wedding too because she knows the parents of the kids getting married too. He got angry and said "I feel like you're trying to make me feel guilty! I thought I had my son that weekend! I didn't know until 2 days before my ex was going to want to take him on her vacation. Besides, you have plans this weekend, so it's a mute point anyway."


I don't know what to think.

[NeoSeminole]

damn, it seems like you complain about your bf in every post. Let him be. You two are just dating. He was invited to a wedding, not you! He doesn't have an obligation to bring you unless you two are engaged or married.

[King Zarathu]

Dude just give it a rest, will ya?

[Junket]

Neb, you are beginning to sound more and more insecure with every thread you make.

[Gigabitch]

I know you say there are good things about this relationship, but I can't think of any. Maybe it would help me and you both to understand what's going on here if you could list some.

[misombra]

geez girl leave his ass alone! get your own life.

[Sami09]

two questions

How old are you?

How long have you dated your bf?

[vashti]

This guy isn't right for you. When are you going to get rid of him?

[nebulachic]

I am 30.. he is 45. We've been dating for 11 months.

[King Zarathu]

I am 30.. he is 45. We've been dating for 11 months.

My dad is 47 or 48, and he's dating a 33 year old. It's the most unhealthy relationship I've seen. Unfortunately, that was my example for the longest time. Luckily, I conquered myself.

Not saying your shit is unhealthy, because I don't know for sure... just saying that's what it seems like, especially with all these problems you've been having.

[nebulachic]

He called me 1-2 times a day but I didn't pick up so he left messages... some very long about how it was going up there. He knew I was really busy that weekend too with engagements.

He ended up staying there 2 days more at his sister's lthan he had planned. Sunday night he called around 8:00PM and left a message saying he was going to eat dinner with his sister and nephew and was exhausted from staying up very late talking with his sister the night before and would call me later if he didn't fall asleep.

He didnt' call. I called his cell around 11:30. I called 3 times within a 1/2 hour. His phone was on but he didn't pick up. I called his sister's house. His nephew answered. He said my b/f was out. I asked if he knew where he went. He said he didn't but said he should be back soon. I called my b/f's cell again. This time it went right to VM as if it had been turned off.

My b/f called about an hour later (12:30). He said he had been having a drink with a male friend and just got back to his truck and saw that I called. He said he had left his phone in his truck to charge it. We talked until 1:45. He told me all about his weekend and vice versa. Why did 3 of my calls ring thru to VM but the 4th one was as if his phone was turned off if it was just sitting in his truck being charged? I asked him about it when he got back and he said he had no idea.

We talked at his place last night. He said he realized this weekend he really misses his home state and sister and felt the people he met there really clicked. They are people he knew and worked with 20 years ago and many have since relocated there from all over the world. He indicated he wants to move up there eventually. He also spoke with a few that travel a lot and he said he wants to get into that again too. I asked him what it all meant for us and he said "I don't know. I'm just telling you how I'm feeling." (he has expressed these things to me previsouly BTW). I asked if he envisioned me with him when thinking of moving back there and he said yes.

But he expressed concerned because of where we're at and comments I've made recently and that I keep leaving social events. He said "I want to be a couple when we got to those things. I'm proud of you and want to introduce you to people but then you do that." I explained it's because I'm still stuck on his comment about after he divorces. He said "I AM divorced already as far as I'm concerned. I own the house."

I asked him straight out at one point if he wants to break it off and and he said No. He told me he loves me but he is feeling beside himself bcuz of the things I've been saying and doing the past few months. He cant' seem to understand where I'm coming from. I told him "Listen.. you're divorced now and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop." "But here we are tonight! In my house... still together!" he said.

I didnt' ask him if he met someone while he was up there.. I didn't want to add fuel to the fire. He did show me pics from the trip and told me who each and every person was....

I'm still scared.

[vashti]

I don't think this relationship is going to work. It occurs to me that he may be embarrassed to have you around his family. I don't know if it is the age difference or your insecurity or what...

Why are you letting him make all the decisions about YOUR future? Do you not have any input about your own life and the direction it is going?

[nebulachic]

I don't know that he didn't invite me bcuz he is embarrassed by me. I think it's bcuz he was afraid I would disappear/get upset at the wedding.. and he's right.. I might have (which all goes back to me being afraid he's going to dump me after his divroce is finalized because of his comments months ago: "I don't know how I'm going to feel about this realtionship once I'm divorced and have all my freedom back."

He told me he wants me to meet his sister and she wants to meet me but he said he wants to do it at a time when there isn't so much going on so we can just chill with her at her place.

[vashti]

Do you have a history of just disappearing or becoming moody at festive events? You are too old for that kind of behavior.

[nebulachic]

Since I am scared he is going to dump me once he's divorced.. when we go to a social event and I think he seems interested in someone there I start to freak. I end up wanting to leave to see if he will go for that person if I am not around. I tell him "I'd like to leave. Can you get a ride home with someone else?"

Like I said it all goes back to him telling the 5th month we were dating "I don't know how I'm going to feel about us after I'm divorced" His divorce is just around the corner now.